WWE Capitol Punishment Review

Cena Indicates with his hand how many times Mike Chioda Masturbates to Him in a single day..... 5 time!

WWE Capitol Punishment Review.....

Sometimes watching WWE is like watching your senile grandfather babble on and on about how he wrestled ‘ Cowboy Bob Orton, Randy’s Daddy ‘ everytime he watches wrestling with you and spots Randall on TV…. He says it with such enthusiasm and glee that you humor him by going ‘ oh really?! That’s really awesome! ‘, like it’s the first time you ever heard that, despite it being the 500^th time…. THAT MONTH….

But, you act that way, because you love him and don’t want to hurt his feelings….

Like, my anticipation for ‘ Capitol Punishment ‘ last night…. I put on a good front, but deep down, I knew it would end up being like my grandfather, overall…. Repeating the same old tired horseshit ….

And, because I love my grandfather more than the WWE, I would never put my grandfather on blast…. Mainly because I love him, but also because I don’t wanna get called a bunch of names of varying degrees of vitriolic vulgarity….

But, with the WWE….. It’s time to take the mangy, old, senile beaver to the beaver pelt maker and end it….

I’ll just hit bullet points in this review, because really, it’s almost painful to relive the very astutely named ‘ Capitol PUNISHMENT ‘ ….

- So, let me get this right…. A few years ago, we had ‘ Austin 3:16 ‘ and ‘ SUCK IT! ‘ and ‘ Can You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking ‘ and ‘ What Does Everybody Want?! ‘ and ‘ I’m an Ass Man!!! ‘ …. And now we get the ending to a PPV where John Cena brings a toddler… a goddamn toddler in the ring and celebrates with him for the assist in retaining his WWE Title?!?! To borrow the very profound statement, I’ve heard uttered many times ‘ Who booked this shit ?! ‘ …. Make fun of Russo all you want, but I bet the man was sitting in a room somewhere, eating a 12 bagger of White Castles, laughing his head off at the end of that PPV, while onions and pieces of beef littered the screen and his shirt screaming out ‘ And they think I’m the worst Writer?! nigga please! ‘ ….

Look, I know that Vince wanted to go ‘ PG ‘ …. I get it…. However, there’s a healthy balance between TV-MA and TV-PG…. What happened last night was like I hopped into Dixie Carter’s Delorean Time Machine and we went in the future to witness what wrestling is going to be like if something is not done….

‘ Disney Channel and the Cast of Wizards of Waverly Place Present : WWE’S Capitol Punishment 2015 ‘ ….. and, see…. We don’t really have to go THAT far in the future to witness this….

Pathetic….

This effectively buried R-Truth forever…. Which, is fine. I never dug him, but I have to feel bad for him with the way they made him look last night…. How can you take a guy seriously again who got assaulted by a kid, that immediately led to him losing the match?! Company Wide Conspiracy?! Hardly…. Company Wide Lunacy?! INDEED….

Someone asked me what I thought of R-Truth’s Character…. My honest answer was ‘ R-Truth is like some mad scientists creation…. If you blended Psycho Sid’s and Eugene ’s DNA together with a booth from the flea market that sold airbrushed items and ROCCA wear, you’d get R-Truth…. ‘ …. Think about it….

Rey Mysterio…. I really could never put into words, the hatred I feel burning inside my gullet everytime I see Rey Mysterio on TV…. My kids know this, so they always ask me questions like ‘ If Satan fought Rey Mysterio and if Satan won, everyone would go to hell, would you pull for Rey then?!?!?!?!?! ‘ ….

To which my answer is simply…. ‘ Where can I buy The Dark Lord’s Merchandise? WWEshop.com have it readily available yet?! ‘ …. They laugh and think I’m joking….

I’m not….

‘ How many times has Rey changed his moveset in the last ten years!? ‘ …. The homeless guy in the corner that is passed out in the corner in a pile of his own shit and piss, comatose and being nibbled on by a rat, answered that question without even being cognizant or conscious….

00000000000000000000000000000000000 times…..

So, the fact that Punk beat him last night, was a true mark out moment for me…. I totally did not expect that….And cleanly on top of it, to boot?! Solid…..

I love Alberto Del Rio as much as the next guy…. However, last night did him no favors…. It was nice to see the World’s Strongest Slam be used to destroy Hugo and Carlos’ table of Hispanic Doom, but it ultimately just wound up being a time filler….. Plus, did anyone notice Show selling the wrong leg?! Another great booking move!

Brilliant!

During this match and the Ezekiel/Barrett match, I was thinking of a weird premise….

Hear me out….

I think the WWE needs to grandfather in certain superstars…..

Such as The Undertaker…. Obviously the character is massively over and that’s why the WWE is holding onto it as long as possible…. But, why not let Mark retire and have someone new fill The Undertaker’s shoes?!

They could grandfather in a New DX too, because let’s face it, they are a merchandising machine…. And, this is where ultimately my idea came from…. I was listening to Luke on a recent podcast…. ( www.inyourheadonline.com ) and the guy sold me on him…. I was against him to begin with, just with his shithead attitude…. But, after this interview, I realized, he’s not cocky AT ALL, he just believes in himself so much, that it comes across that way….

Anyways, sitting there listening, I came up with the idea that Luke and Jeremiah from Touch Enough, would be the perfect people to take over the DX label…. They obviously are shitheads together, they love to goof around and they generally like each other and have a good rapport with each other that you can’t really manufacture….

Eh, it’s just an idea….

And now we return you back to the shittiest, shit filled review of the shitty.... WWE Capitol Punishment….

The Rose has come back to grace Barrett’s tights again… Any coincidence this happens the same time he becomes irrelevant?!

I think not!

Ezekiel won the belt, but really? Does anyone care?! Is this going to bring out the REAL Zeke, is he going to all of a sudden blossom into a top level superstar?! Is he going to be able to cut a coherent promo that won’t make the Ultimate Warrior look like Chris Jericho on the mic, in comparison?!

No!

I literally could grab the mic and scream out ‘ I just took a HUGE dump and when I wiped my ass, there were blood streaks on the toilet paperrrrrrrrrrr!!! ‘ and flex and scream like Zeke and people would cheer for me… Mainly out of fear…..

Can we just go ahead and discuss Orton/Christian?!

First, let me say this….

FUCK Mike Chioda…..

This guy is nothing but a clown…. He is constantly screwing the heels over in every match and going out of his way to make sure faces get the win, no matter what…. I consider him to be a worse problem in WWE than both Cena or Orton…. I want to form the Committee to Cut Off Mike Chioda’s Tits ….. Because, let’s face it, the dude has no balls... He’s nothing but a big shitdick.....

How can the writers sit there and feed a line of bullshit, a few months ago, with Chioda going on blind assumption in the Miz/Cena match that Miz used a belt, just because Alex Riley dropped it in the ring, that it had somehow been used to knock out Cena with…. He saw nothing to give him this impression…. Only the fact that the belt fell out of Riley’s hands when he raised the Miz’s….. Which, was a common occurrence at the time…. Anytime, the Miz won, Riley would always grab the belt, and get in the ring to celebrate with him…. But, on this occasion, without even looking at a replay of the final seconds of the match, Chioda just overturns the decision and gives the belt back to Cena, thus leading ultimately to the Miz/Riley feud….

And then we get last night….

Christian’s foot is clearly under the ropes as soon as Chioda gets in position…. Yet, he makes a three count, awarding the match to Orton…. If, we’re going off past experiences here, Chioda should just take Christians word and re-start the match… But, did that happen?! No…. TurkeyDick Orton got to walk out with the title, YET AGAIN…..

If I were Christian, I would have held up a finger, in a ‘ Hold on, I’ll be right back ‘ fashion, ran out of the ring, up the ramp and to the back…. Then come back down the ramp, wearing a Cena facemask.... Climb into the ring and then state my case… It would have surely resulted in a restart of the match and, because of Chioda’s undying and unending infatuation with all things Cena, he probably would have just awarded the belt to Christian, thinking it was Cena….

It must be hard to ref a match for Cena, when you’re Chioda…. I mean, I would think you’d have to duct tape that boner up, otherwise it would snap off when you hit the mat to make the three count…. And, let’s not just limit this to Cena, he does this with all the faces….

He’s a problem…. And trust me, this is another thing my kids hear me go on rants about…. I have a notepad with Chioda’s stats and how long it takes him to make three counts for heels, as opposed to faces…. On average, he makes a three count for the faces, in half the time he does for the heels…. Also, the amount of time he spends to ‘ get in position ‘ to make a three count for a heel, doubles that, on average, to the time it takes him to ‘get into position’ for the faces…..

My daughter laughs when I go on this tangent and grabs my notebook and holds it up and goes ‘ THIS! Is why you DON’T have a girlfriend! ‘ …. I laugh it off, then go cry in the bathroom going ‘ she’s right ‘ into the mirror while punching my framed picture of Mike Chioda with the word ' shithead ' written in marker over him….

I wish Hebner was back… Sure, he was awful and looked like a ref got sick at a WWE show and the WWE was scrambling to find a replacement, and when one of creative was outside on a smoke break, they saw Hebner walking around aimlessly with a HUGE Tape Deck Walkman on his hip and headphones on singing ‘ ABC 123 ‘ while huffing paint thinner, but at least the dude was fair and called it right down the line…..

Except for that time in Montreal ….. Yeah…. Well, anyways, everyone knows Bret deserved it….

So, Orton won and guess how many times Orton has lost in a PPV this year, in a one on one match?!

Give it up to the homeless guy in the corner again, who won, because the rat that was eating his finger, started nibbling and tugging at his fingers, holding up one solo finger……

Yep, once….

RIDIC….

I’m jaded…. I’m bitter…. I’m a Christian mark…. I always thought he was the better of Edge and Christian, so I’m biased…. But, he deserves better….

Bottom Line….

For those that want to question anyone getting pissed at WWE for having him drop the belt 5 days after Extreme Rules, can you tell me any reason why Christian couldn’t have held that belt until ‘ Over the Limit ‘?! Or what exactly WWE and Smackdown gained by putting the belt on Orton?!

If they were going for rapidly dropping viewership for Smackdown, then I could see your point, as per the trend of everytime Orton has the belt, the ratings have slipped and slipped and slipped…. Basically, they could take that ‘ Price of Right ‘ game where you try to guess the price of something before the yodeling swiss alp hiker goes over the edge….. Well, just reverse that, have him going downhill, yodeling and that’s a perfect representation of ratings everytime Orton gets the belt…. Numbers don’t lie people….

Have I said ' Fuck Chioda ' ?! Well, for good measure ' Fuck Mike Chioda! '

I can see this clown sitting at home, at a plastic kid table, with two stolen department store mannequins sitting in the seats at the table, with crudely cutout and taped pictures of Orton and Cena attached to the blank faces of the dummies... Chioda sits down and starts pouring tea into cups sitting in front of the two mannequins... and starts having conversations with them as if they're real.... He's got it bad....

I'll support anything that Ziggler is involved in.... The guy is the future of the WWE, if they push him correctly.... And, Kofi.... Well, I like to call his waist ' the place belts go to die ' .... Because, that's exactly what happens when he gains a title.... It dies... Noone cares about it any longer or remembers who is champion... He might be athletic and a good performer, but he gives the WWE Universe absolutely no reason to give a shit about him....

Alex Riley beat The Miz in the most anti-climatic match ever.... Everyone knew Miz was gonna give the Rub to Riley, so this match was just that... a Rub match.... Coincidentally, I like to use that term for when I look up AJ Lee pictures on the net.... That's not creepy, right?!

Swagger lost to Bourne, and this was stupid.... I don't understand the point of the feud, I don't understand why they always make Swagger look weaker than an emaciated and intoxicated Zach Gowen.... RIDICULOUS!!!

This might have been the shittiest PPV in history.... As said previously, ' December to Dismember ' is neck and neck with this one, but my god, was it horrible.... I felt like shouting out like J.R. in the DX vs. Rated RKO match at New Year's Revolution ' LORD HAVE MURDY!!!! ' .... I don't even know what that means, but this PPV made me want to shout that shit out.... Absolutely atrocious!

SAW vs. Saw, Steve-O Emails Me, WWE Stuffs...

WTF?! is that picture?! Oh... no big deal... It's just the King of Nashville Wrestling, Shane Williams, drinking a very UN-KINGLY FOUR-LOKO... I expected a King to drink Crown Royal or Belvedere.... Not, a drink that tastes like someone got Jungle Juice, Weed Killer, Country Club vodka and mixed them in the placenta of a homeless ringrat....



SAW vs SAW

This has to be the most ridiculously retarded thing I’ve ever heard in my life…. You know, outside of Corky from “ Life Goes On ‘ signing ‘ Have a Holly Jolly Christmas ‘ on the Christmas episode of that show….

I mean, who really gives a big smelly shit?!

One SAW is trying to trademark the name, while another SAW is trying to trademark the same name all in the same city, on the same planet, at the same time, cats and dogs, living together….

Hey, SAW ( ‘s ) , hey….. ummm , listen… I don’t know if you know this or not, so prepare yourself for a shock…. But, no one gives a hot fuck what the hell you call your wrestling company…. It’s not like you’re a HUGE super media conglomerate like the WWE or TNA…. You’re an independent wrestling organization….. These things change names more than Bert Prentice changes his profile on www.lonelygaymenwhowearhawaiianshirtsandloveraffles.com …..

All this is, is a huge dick showoff session in the last stall of the bathroom, preferably NOT taking place at the Stadium Inn, with each one of these promoters claiming ‘ I want the title of the biggest dick in Nashville ‘ and then they whip it out and they all measure around 3 inches....HARD ….. WHOOOPEDY FUCKING DING DONG…

Who gives a shit?! I ask again!

How about renaming them this…

For Reno ’s S.A.W . - RDHPPW – Reno ’s Derby Hat Presents Professional Wrestling

For TJ’s S.A.W. – TJBTMSWO – TJ’s Blue Tooth & Malnourished Sons Wrestling Organization….

Trademark those babies and let’s let all this girly pillow fighting stop….

But, this is all just very, very stupid and if Nashville wasn’t already the Rebecca Black of Professional Independent Wrestling, this just adds more evidence for the prosecution….

So, the following is an email I received from one, Steve-O, independent wrestler extraordinaire from the Nashville Tennessee area, who obviously was enamored by my review of the NWA Main Event Show he was on in Nashville, a month ago....

I'm a man of entertainment, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to pick apart his email, for everyone to see.... My replies to his email will be contained in quotation marks....

I did email him back, but never heard back.... I will not give out his email, as that would be tacky of me, but I will respond now to his email, publicly....

First off, nice to meet you! Oh guess your wondering who this is? ( Not really, as it was expressly written in the 'sender' line of the email ' Steve-O ' , very anticlimactic opening here. Well its "Steve-O My God", not emailing to bash you or threaten you by no means b/c honestly peoples opinions are like assholes everyone has one! But for the record, I do not have ant stretch marks( and for the record I never said you had ' ant ' stretch marks, I wouldn't even know what ' ant ' stretch marks look like.... can ants even get stretch marks?! They'd be too tiny to see even if they did.... However, you did have ' human ' stretch marks ), not sure what you were looking at. Also, no painted on abs there real and there natural( I'll give him that... maybe I was getting the painted on ab thing, from the fact his belly rolls kind of looked like abs, when seen from afar.... all apologies ), and the whole "tramp stamp" well I've actually had that tat in the ball park of 12yrs.....b4 it was a "tramp stamp"! ( This is a stupid point to make... This is akin to screaming out ' hey! I was carrying a purse before it was gay for a man to carry a purse! ' OR ' Hey! I was sucking dick before it was gay to suck dick! ' you still have a tattoo, in a ridiculously gay place for a heterosexual man.. However, if you ever try to change your character to a gay one, you are already well on your way, brudder! ) Then you wanna be a funny guy and comment my chest, well brother my chest is solid ( When I was a fat little kid, my mom used to tell me I was just ' solid ' and big boned ' She was lying .... However, I'm glad you have a support team around you like that, because that chest, may be solid... but, it's ' SOLID ' -ly blubber or it ' SOLID ' -ly feels like a flesh covered waterbed ) and also maybe you should know that I'm working on my body and going through changes and have went from 257lbs to 237lbs in 6wks and plan on cutting to 225lbs! ( Golf Clap ) But thanks for the opinions you expressed I'll make sure I take them to heart! ( Sarcasm, I like it! However, if you were being serious and taking my words ' to heart ' , I raise my eyebrows, because how could words ever penetrate such a hard and solid chest?! ) In closing let me also put out there I was never "blown-up" during any part of the match( Ok, maybe you'll compromise and agree you were ' gassed ' ... maybe you're touchy about the ' blown up ' comment... I don't know.... But, you were the definition of blown up.... You were 5 minutes into the match and after a few rest holds, you were sweating like you were running a marathon in the goddamn sahara, wearing sweat pants, a fur coat and wool skull cap ), its called controlled breathing and breathing with my abdomen ( Brudder, there was nothing controlled about that breathing.... Maybe you forgot the ' un ' part to add to the beginning of the ' controlled ' part.... I'm pretty sure there was a guy heating up the defibrillator machine halfway through that match, it didn't look like you were going to make it... If that's yours and your trainers definition of ' controlled ' , I'd seriously hate to see what ' uncontrolled breathing ' looks like.... A person could have been hyperventilating WHILE having an asthma attack and when the paramedics came, they'd say ' tend to that steve-o guy in the ring, FIRST, he seems to need it worse than I do! ) , which is the correct way to breath ( hmmm, all these years of not breathing through my abdomen and I'm still walking around.... Had no idea I was breathing wrong.... But, then again, my eyes have been awakened by the notification that ' fat = muscle ' , so I guess anything is possible at this point.... It's almost like I walked into the Wrestling Matrix with this email and I swallowed the red pill, and now everything that I thought was true, such as being fat and gassed, is actually opposite in this world and now mean you are solid and breathing properly through the abdomen ). And you knocking my work which you said was "sloppy" like I looked, you must have a problem with a babyface getting over and being over ( no, no, no, you got it alll wrong, silly.... I'm fine with a babyface being over.... I get why they are. I just never have gotten the Nashville wrestling fan putting over cookie cutter wrestlers, who are out of shape, and in your case, look like they stole Amazing Red's ring attire, and to keep him quiet about the theft, ate him in the process.... That's all ), needless to say I've never see your name main eventing any card better yet never seen your name on a card( I have various cards with my name on them.... Yeah, they're from a traveling adult baseball team I was on, but hey, my name WAS on a card.... As far as wrestling, no.... But, plenty in my family have.... But, what is this argument anyways.... I mean, if you're gonna make this as like your last exit putdown, then I can stoop to this level and go ' I've never seen you write a blog, or seen your name attached to a blog!!!! I could also say ' I've never seen you wrestle a match, without being gassed and in good shape, hitting all your spots ' , but that would be mean, and frankly, I'm above that... oh wait ) ! But thanks for your time and your creativity on your review, keep up the good work! If you have any further questions, comments, or advice feel free to e-mail me back! ( How about this, Steve-O.... I challenge you, yes you.... to a first annual, Hooters Girl Chest Rub-Off Challenge.... IF you're man enough, then you'll accept my challenge. What is it?! You ask.... Simple. Currently, I'm the ' chest ruboff champion ' at the Hooters I frequent, and well, to be honest, I'm the only person to ever enter this competition, but I digress!!!! I still challenge you, to a chest ruboff.... We will go to Hooters, have a few Hooters girl rub our chests, which they tend to do a lot with me, since mine is so irresistibly hard, cut and SOLID and then they will decide who has the better chest.... Whoever loses has to buy the winner a round of beer.... Are you game?! )

Steve-O

Quick WWE Notes….

Really disappointed in the Dolph Ziggler transformation…. Why did they feel the need to tweak his look for?! He was a standout with his bleach blonde hair and it made him unique among a lot of cookie cutter like stars in the WWE…. Now he just looks like the offspring of an Evan Bourne and Randy Orton, drunk gay hookup.... A hookup, that I have a sneaking suspicion that Evan Bourne dreams about in secret....

R-Truth went heel and the instead of killing John Morrison, like he was supposed to do, he killed the crowd…. The guy is the Nicholas Cage of dramatic WWE storylines…. His acting is so over the top and ridiculous, that you’re wondering if you’re part of some weird McMahon experiment…. Like, you almost expect him to come out from behind the couch, pat you on the shoulder and shout into a cellphone…. ‘ It didn’t work ‘, then walk out, as if nothing happened, as you’re looking at R-Truth still on TV, smoking a cigarette and you’re left questioning life as you know it….

I guess the WWE felt the need last week to enact it’s affirmative action policy, by naming R-Truth a number one contender…. And, before I get yelled at for being a racist, I didn’t mean because he’s black, I meant they’re pushing him because he’s mentally handicapped….

Sin Cara…. What a bum…. I’m not impressed so far. Sure, he has a few moves that are ‘ Whoa ‘ worthy, but what is he actually accomplishing that sets him apart from Rey Mysterio?! I feel like I’m watching a bizarre world and instead of seeing two opposite Supermen fighting each other…. I just see two Rey Mysterio’s fighting….

I think back to ‘ Gremlins ‘ when I think of Sin Cara and Mysterio….

Vince McMahon playing the part of Hoyt Axton, brings home a small cage to his young son, Shane, playing the part of Zach Galligan ……

Vince puts the cage down and Shane gets excited and opens it up…. Out pops Mysterio, who jumps in Shane’s arms and starts humming a bandelero song….. Shane names him Rey….

Vince gets a stern look on his face….

‘ Shane, the shopkeep I bought him from, gave me specific rules that should always be followed while taking care of your new pet. 1. do not get them water 2. they hate bright lights and 3. don’t ever feed them after midnight….. EVER….

Well, it looks like Shane, or someone playing the part of Corey Feldman in this WWE remake of ‘ Gremlins ‘ , fed Mysterio after dark and out popped Sin Cara….

Who here misses ‘ The Legend Killer ‘ ?! This stupid clown that Orton has become is ridiculous…. “ hey, I got a good idea! ‘ shouts out a WWE creative member…. ‘ Let’s take the most uncharismatic guy on the roster, a guy who never smiles and basically looks like he is either constipated or someone told him that they boned his mom! ‘ …… Everyone looks at him like he’s crazy… ‘ and then we can make him act like a robot and a snake…. A robot and snake in slow motionnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!! ‘ …..

I hate Orton now. His character as ‘ The Legend Killer ‘ is just so classic…. I was recently watching an old WWE PPV from those days and he’s beating the shit out of Foley and the fans are just booing the hell out of him, he does a dropkick, immediately jumps up into the ‘ legend killer ‘ pose and the boos reign down harder and faster, then he immediately goes back to stomping Mick…..

That’s classic….

Now he acts like he’s a reptile and should be called ’ John Cena Jr ‘ with the way he mysteriously pulls out the wins at the weirdest and most illogical times....

Santino will win a US or Intercontinental title this year. Book It....

Whenever I hear Sheamus' theme song, I can't help but laugh thinking that it has a double meaning.... sure, it's there to intimidate his opponent.... But, it could also be a warning to the fucking retarded WWE creative member, who doesn't like Sheamus, as has been reported.

Primo had a great match against Sin Cara two weeks ago, but something tells me, that will also have him ' future endeavored ' in a few weeks, especially with the top rope botch towards the end.... I've always liked Primo, more than Carlito, and I've never understood why he doesn't get a push....

Zach Ryder to Smackdown to actually showcase his shine.... I've loved this guy for awhile, but his youtuve videos are starting to make him an internet fanboy favorite now.... Can anyone slow down this train of momentum?! Sure, Vince can, but I think Vince can smell the money he can make with this guys merchandise with his growing following.... Laugh now, but watch later

I will be updating this blog more regularly.... Had a busy month with kid stuff and just now getting back to some semblance of normalcy...

Email me.... Especially, you Steve-O, to accept my challenge! thebro1869@yahoo.com

NWA Main Event Grand Opening Celebration

DEATHSTAR GRANNY HAIR!!!! I had to fight the tractor beam from pulling me in all night.. She was a sweet old granny though



The Blackhole Of Awesomeness Was Formed When These Two Entities Came Together on this magic night....



You know that feeling of Deja Vu that you sometimes get, when you're walking somewhere and that overwhelming sense of familiarity hits and you know you've been here before, but you just can't identify the whens and the wheres?!

yeah, that was my feeling last night, when I attended the big NWA Main Event Grand Opening Celebration.... I had been to this kind of show before, somewhere, someplace.... And then it hit me.... This show felt just like a show at the fairgrounds run by Prentice in the late 90's to early 2000's.... It was like they lifted the motif and trashy charm of the fairgrounds and lifted it into a gym on church property.... It had everything you'd expect of a Prentice-ran fairgrounds show..... The only thing missing?! The overwhelming smell of unkempt assholes.... But, give it a few months, and I'm sure that smell of dingleberries crusted to the inside of a shit caked pair of underwear will permeate the place and it'll be JUST LIKE Music City Wrestling..... We had Bert Raffles, Merch Tables with out of date wrestling memorabilia sprinkled amongst DVD's with titles like ' Harold Reynolds Teaches you Baseball Basics ' and ' Equine Extravaganza ' .... We had Bert wearing his familiar Dom Deluise hat, Bonnie Baldwin ( something I will rant on later ) , Rudy Charles , The FUCKING Colorado Kid! , A recliner for sale - I SHIT YOU NOT , ChickenHat, Lucky Numbered Programs and enough airbrushed tshirts in attendance to make R-Truth and Gary Valiant weep tears of jealousy.....

It felt like the old days and that was pretty amazing.... You know, in that trashy way where you sit around and go ' if a flea market and a wrestling show had a baby, what would it look like?! ' and some crazy scientist was like ' I can make that happen! ' - last night's show would have been the offspring....

I do have to compliment the promotion for having the nicest ring out of all the independent promotions around this area. It was tight, raised to a proper level and didn't have really any visible patches.... To me, this stuff is important.... To others, maybe not...

BTW, why does every concession stand in the middle tennessee area, when it comes to Independent Wrestling, serve pickles?! I mean, I like pickles on my hamburgers and hotdogs, but they sell these sumbitches that look like giant green penis .... Just big, thick, long and green.... Not only that, but the logistics of eating a huge pickle at a wrestling show, just doesn't seem to work for me.... I mean, you have to hold it, while you're eating it, while pickle juice drips all over your hands and face, and then you get the weird stares from people, as you wipe pickle juice from your face and lick it off your fingers.... And inevitably some smart ass named The Bro will shout out ' Hey, dude's eating Shrek's dick! ' .... Plus, and I discussed this with my friend last night.... The jar of pickles was weird looking.... Like they keep it buried in dirt in a dungeon somewhere and dig it up every weekend, just hoping that someone finally buys these pickles that some wrestling promotion bought back in 1985....

Ok, on to the show....

First match - Hollywood Blondes Vs. Brian Casey and JP Magnum

The match was pretty forgettable.... I've heard good things about JP Magnum, but he didn't really impress me much in the match and seemed to be loafing around a few times and Brian Casey breaks my first rule with babyfaces.... you never have a babyface with two first names, because I was taught at an early age that you A. don't trust anything with a vagina B. don't trust anyone wearing sunglasses at night and C. don't trust anyone with two first names.... You can also use these rules for poker too.... With strong emphasis on number one... Nothing will make you play a bad hand more than a hot lady sitting across from you to divert your attention....

The Blondes had good chemistry together, but their manager is distracting.... It's not like he's annoying or trying to take attention away from the wrestlers.... It's just the whole time I'm watching him, I'm thinking to myself ' if The Miz was on his period and was retaining a lot of water to make himself look bloated, and his eyesight went sour, this guy would be him ' ...

Aeon Flexx Vs. Rudy Boy Gonzalez

Aeon Flezz looked like the Canadian version of Fit Finlay.... I almost expected his entrance music to be ' The Names Flexx, and I like to... drink beer, play hockey and eat at tim horton's, eh?! ' then cue some alanis morissette music.... He was portly and you know how some people are in their mothers womb as twins, but the twin doesn't make it, so they somehow absorb an extra body part from their sibling, and when they come out of their mothers vag, they have like a finger attached to their leg or an ear on their arm?! Well, I'm pretty sure this happened with Flexx, because I think his unborn sibling's baby penis, got stuck in his belly button.... Either that or the dude had the biggest outtie I've ever seen.... Which, brings up tons of problems if you're flexx.... I mean, what happens if you pay for a blowjob from a prostitute and she preforms it on your outtie belly button.... do you get your money back?! If you go to the urologist and he start inspecting your outtie belly button, do you get charged twiced for the same procedure, when you inform him, he's inspecting the wrong organ?! A lot of questions I have about this guys belly button penis....

However, the one good thing Aeon had going for him?! Besides, the ripoff name of the cult MTV series.... Charming Charles.... It was good to see this man again!


You know what?! now that I think about it, I think that Jeff Hardy has a mad scientist on hand, at his disposal and every drug induced whimsy Jeff has, the mad scientist devises a way to make it happen and I think this is where Aeon Flexx came from.... The lab of jeff hardy..... I can see Jeff Hardy puffing on a bong and he's like ' hey man, listen... you know what would be fucked up and awesome, at the same time.... If you could... check this, brother... make a human being that was equal parts dave taylor and fit finlay, man.... and the crazy thing.... make that bitch have a penis for a belly button, man... that shit would be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! ' and poof! Aeon Flexx was born! And then he escaped, like Frankenstein, to go and wrestle.... Only Frankenstein didn't wrestle, but if he did, he would have been the shit!

I spent a lot of time on Aeon Flexx.... That's because Rudy Boy Gonzalez was scary looking as hell and I'm pretty sure he's a vampire.... I mean, I know I seen him in the bar scene in ' From Dusk till Dawn ' when Salma Hayek turns into a vampire, then all the patrons follow suit.... The one thing I don't want is a vampire after me that's built like The Tazmanian Devil fucked a concrete block.... I live in Antioch for chrissakes, in the Mexican Vampires natural habitat!!!

The crowd was chanting ' USA! USA! ' at Aeon Flexx, you know, because we're such hated enemies of the peaceful Canadians.... Not only that, but people..... He was wrestling a Mexican National!!!! WTF?!

Rudy won with a superkick....

Intermission was next....

It was announced it was Porter and Prentice's birthdays.... Well, Porter's was the following day, but still.... I wonder if the boys bought them a birthday cake, shaped like a huge penis.... I hope so. I like to see people get what they want on their birthday, in cake form....

Aaron Camaro, while I enjoy his ring announcing, was ridiculously looking last night.... I mean, I didn't know if he was a ring announcer or some lousy performance magician trolling Bourbon Street in the wee hours, performing card tricks for tourists with a styrofoam cup in hand that reads ' tips ' ..... I really didn't understand this look at all.... He was much better at the tribute to the fairgrounds show....

Shawn Shultz vs. Matt Boyce

Shawn Shultz had a manager with him that was probably one of the greatest things I've ever seen.... He looked like another escapee of the Jeff Hardy Mad Scientist Laboratory.... This time Jeff said ' hey man.... look, you know what I've always wondered?! What someone would look like who was equal parts Daniel Stern, you know the voice of ' The Wonder Years ' and The house robber with Joe Pesci in ' Home Alone, Harlan Williams and Horshack from Welcome Back Mr. Kotter ' ..... ' and poof! you got Shawn Shultz' manager.... He was fantastic.... He acted like someone gave a rabid squirrel cocaine.... He kept on shouting out ' we're winning ' when Shultz was put in a compromising position and then someone would shout out ' no you're not! ' and he'd scream back ' we're ahead on points! ' haha.... I like that creativity.... He also won me over when he attacked Boyce behind the ref's back, and when the ref questioned him about the attack on Boyce, he quickly showed the ref that his hands were in his jacket pocket.... The guy was a treat!

Matt Boyce wore Superman inspired tights into the ring and tried sliding into it and almost slid directly into the ringpost and off the side.... Which, suits him right.... You're wearing Superman inspired tights.... I fucking loathe Superman!!! Can we talk about this for a second?! Good, you really have no other option, but to let me rant....

Superman.... What a lousy clown of a Superhero.... The man is supposed to be some super fucking alien from outer space who can do anything and everything.... But..... Don't get him around green rocks, because he'll die.... A ROCK!!!! A GODDAMN MINERAL!!!! Superman?! How about ' MediocreMan ' ..... A mineral, are you kidding me?! And then you couple that with the fact that he's a goddamn alien, he's not even human, and you couple that with the fact he has no flaws, how the hell am I supposed to relate to this guy?! You can't... Because I have flaws, I'm not an alien and green rocks don't kill me, unless they're thrown at my skull with some sort of tyrannosaurus rex - like force.... And I don't hang around a bunch of clownshoe morons who are easily confused about who I am, because I can put glasses on my face.... And somehow that is the greatest disguise in the world.... Fuck Superman! Batman is the shit.... Superman IS shit.... Matt Boyce deserved any accident that befell him for wearing those ridiculous trunks into the ring....

Boyce won the match and honestly, this match was really good.... Could have easily been the best match on the card in my opinion. These guys knew how to work each other and seemed really at ease....

Texas Tornadoes Vs. The Colorado Kid and Brian Christopher

Weird... Brian Christopher looked a lot like JP Magnum and didn't act like he just snorted catnip and someone set his pubes on fire..... Oh! that's because it was JP Magnum..... Guess, Christopher no showed, which I called well in advance, but still... A little announcement or a statement would have been nice.... Explain why Magnum is replacing Christopher.... Get Aaron Camaro to make an announcement like ' Because the promoters were not able to score catnip for Christopher to snort, nor were they able to find a lighter to set his pubes on fire, nor were they able to secure some mad cow diseased beef for him to eat, nor were they able to capture enough farts in a glass bottle from Bonnie Baldwin, for him to huff... Brian Christopher will not be coming out... He said that if he cant have all these things, he cannot act like a complete and utter clown in the ring, like he usually does, and doesn't want to disappoint his FAN, so.... We decided to replace him with the closest thing possible.... * insert an eye roll here, for obvious sarcasm * , JP Magnum ' .... See how easy that is?!

This match was sloppy as hell.... Mainly because The Colorado Kid is still The Colorado Kid and JP Magnum continued to look totally lost.... Maybe they were able to secure the Bonnie Baldwin Jar Of Farts, for him to Huff, but instead of it making him act like Christopher, it just really made him sick to his stomach and completely discombobulated.... ?!

People were asking where The Colorado Kid had been for the past few years.... I have my theories.... This dude looked just like he did 11-12 years ago.... I bet he was cryogenically frozen in Prentice's basement with Liberace and a life sized homeade robot of Clay Aiken.... I mean he wore the jacket, the boots and tights, just like he did when he was MCW champion.... Sure, his face looked like a Rand McNally roadmap, but it was like seeing a ghost! His sequined jacket had seen better days.... little sparkly sequins were missing and ratty strings were hanging off and his boots had stains on them from ages ago and his tights had little fuzzballs all over them.... And in my head, I kept thinking, that Bert probably dry humped his cryogenically frozen body for years and years and years.... And that's why the clothes were so battered and torn.... I could see him getting unfrozen before this match and as he thaws out he's like ' hey, why is my attire so dishevveled?! ' and Prentice is like ' Oh, you were a heavy sleeper with bad dreams while you were frozen, always tossing and turning and having night terrors! ' .... The Clay Aiken robot turns on and in a feminine robot voice says ' That's not true ' .... Prentice yells at the Clay Aiekn robot while throwing his Dom Deluise hat at it ' Shut your goddamn gay robot mouth! ' .... And then the Clay Aiken robot, much like R2D2 from ' Star Wars ', projects a video from his eyes onto the floor in front of a thawing Colorado Kid and Prentice and it shows Bert sneaking into the basement and dry hump-raping a sleeping Colorado Kid.... Bert can be heard yelling out ' Save Me ObiColoradoNobi, you're my only hope! ahhhhhhhhh yesssssss! ' ..... Bert picks up his Dom Deluise hat and starts beating the Clay Aiken robot upside his head with it, while smiling and nervously laughing at The Colorado Kid ' damn dysfunctional gay robots! they sure don't make them like they used to! ' .... At which point a thawing Liberace shouts ' Can a brotha get some goddamn shut eye down here?! Jesus?! you dryhump-raped the kid.... admit it, move on, and shut the fuck up! gay robots don't lie! ' .....

The Texas Tornadoes looked like Andy Douglas and Wade Barrett.... Well, the Dollar Store versions of them.... You know, like when you go to the Dollar Store and you're like ' I want some doritos ' and instead have to settle for ' Quazy Lupe's Spicy Tortilla Snacks! ' .... If you squinted really hard, you could convince yourself that you were watching Andy Douglas and Wade Barrett tagging up to take on The Colorado Kid and JP Magnum....

This match was sloppy as hell... Seeing a pattern here from JP Magnum matches....

Betcha can't guess who won?!

It's a Prentice show... With Colorado Kid on it.... There's two choices about what happened.... And one isn't 'lost'

I did have a good laugh at The Colorado Kid coming out to ' My Town ' and then everyone cheering when he claimed Nashville as ' HIS ' town..... He's called the goddamn Colorado Kid.... Come on people!

Steve-O MY GOD vs. Shane Williams

Pssshewwwww.....

Why do I call him Steve-O MY GOD!? ....

Easy.... That's what I called him when I noticed this dude has a tramp stamp.....

I was like ' that's Steve-O MY GOD, he's got a tramp stamp!? ' .....

This guy was a complete mess.... First, did he mug The Amazing Red for his ring attire?! Pretty sure he did.... So, if you see The Amazing one, let him know that the fat man with a tramp stamp is the one who stole his attire....

A Tramp Stamp on a dude....

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!

Anyways, this guy was blown up in this match after 2 minutes.... He had stretch marks and what looked to be painted on abs, which is ridiculous, if that was the case, because putting painted on abs on his bulbous stomach is like putting racing stripes on a Geo Metro.... Me and my friend both commented about how blown up he was after maybe 5 minutes and his Belly Button kept on going in and out, and I told him it reminded me of the Space Worm in Star Wars that tried to swallow the millenium falcon....

And... He had a tramp stamp. I hope to holy hell, this guy has a story for that.... Like it was his dying grandma's wish for him to get a tramp stamp or it was a hazing incident while he was drunk and there's pending legal action or that he saved a centaur's life on another planet and this is the stamp they give you as a showing of their appreciation.....

You might think I'm blasting this guy....

And, I am.... I mean, I just don't get the appeal of this guy.... He was sloppy in the ring, which I can understand when you're wrestling for two.... Since, it seemed he was in his second trimester, but the people went crazy for him.... And I'm left aghast at the reaction....

I felt bad for Shane Williams.... He had to carry him, it seemed, because he was huffing and puffing so much that Jeff Hardy puffing a blunt and the Big Bad Wolf from The Three Little Pigs were both laughing about how much he was huffing and puffing....

Shane won when he covered him with his feet on the ropes to win the Gulas Cup.... The humble and limelight shy, George Gulas * insert eye roll here * , came to the ring and presented Shane with the Gulas cup after some long spiel about how his dad wouldn't have been proud of the ending and that he was giving the cup to Shane, but there would be a rematch soon and some NWA official was there too, but I don't know who he was, as he sounded like Charlie Brown's mom on the microphone.... Basically, Shane just ripped the cup out of Gulas' hands to end this horrible promo, then Steve-O wanted a rematch right then and right there, even though I think he was going into labor and stroking out at the same time, while receiving oxygen, and then Shane cut a promo saying he was going to reinvent wrestling and give the fans what they want.... Which at this point, I wanted him and Aaron Camaro to come over, work some magic on my brain to make me forget I just saw a dude with a tramp stamp wrestle....

Next match was the Midgets....

Mini Mexx vs. Lil Chris

Mini Mexx resembles a shrunken Eddie Guerrero and wears tights and barks like Rick Steiner and Lil Chris looks like an escaped Oompa.... Hair and Face, just like them.... Ridiculous....

Match was the typical midget match.... funny laughs and shenanigans galore....

The Ref, Jesse Fields got the win, when Lil Chris pushed him over on top of Mini Mexx.....

Fields retracted the decision, continued the match and Lil Chris picked up the win....

BIG WRESTLEMANIA INTERMISSION .....

Bert announced that for a dollar you could buy a ticket for a chance to win TWO Wrestlemania tickets.... For years, I've railed on people who were suckers and bought into Bert's raffles, but this was too good to pass up! However, I let my friend go up and buy my ticket and he bought his... I had to save some of my dignity....

I didn't expect to win, just thought I'd enter for the chance.... But there were some people there dropping AT LEAST 20 dollars on the chance to win these tickets...

And who winds up winning?!

A Bert Employee....

Bonnie Baldwin....

I thought there were rules against employees winning contests and competitions that there employers put on.... I mean, you ALWAYS hear these disclaimers.... But yet, here we were.... And it wasn't just the fact she worked for Bert.... It was the fact he took a ticket, which has ' ticket ' and a number on it, and goes ' oh my god. it's bonnie baldwin ' .... How did he knows this, from a number?!

It was explained.... After a small kid, shouted out that it was a sham.... Bert, looking like Charlie Sheen getting caught with his hand in a crazy pill jar, acts indignantly and shouts off on the mic about how for weeks, people were allowed to buy tickets and he told people to put their names on the back of the tickets....

All well and good, only he left out that detail when people bought their tickets that night.... Not to mention, that common sense tells you that he picked up the ticket that he saw with her name on it and claimed she won.... Because, in any fair raffle, everyone should be held to the same standard.... If he told people to put their names on it one night, he should have told them to do it the other night... of course, we are talking about Bert Prentice here....

Like I said, I could really care less.... It's a dollar... nothing lost, nothing gained.... But, I feel bad for the people who spent 20 dollars and more of their disposable income, when let's face it, that was probably grocery money, and used it for a chance, a once in a lifetime chance, to go to Wrestlemania.... Because, EVEN IF, everything was on the up and up, which with Bert is like saying ' EVEN IF Bert is totally straight and never sucked a dick... ' .... It gives off a bad impression.... So bad, that some fans started booing....

I laughed my head off, because for years I was like ' I'll never participate in a Bert Prentice raffle, because the man is a charlatan! he's the ultimate hustler! A snookerer to end all snookerers! ' and then I give in and participate.... I went against everything I hold holy and wind up getting hustled by a man that could probably sell shit to sewer

The rest of the night was a blur, as it was approaching midnight....

Ace Rockwell Vs. Jeff Daniels for the Southern NWA Championship

Ace Rockwell, was not aptly named.... Nothing Ace about him.... Maybe ' Ass ' would be more appropriate.... He got hardly any offense in, in between numerous rest holds and then in the end hits an out of nowhere RKO and gets the win...

Nice belt....

The Crippler wants a rematch, mysteriously shook his hand without attacking him and walked off....

I hate to say this, as I love Jeff Daniels, but this match was shitty.... It was Stadium Inn Restroom Stall Number 2 shitty....

Chase Steven Vs. Tommy Mercer

Last Match....

Never seen Mercer wrestle in person, but he's pretty impressive.... I could see Vince snapping him up someday and saving him from TNA....

This was a good match, as I expected.... I found out why Chase wears a bandana ALL THE TIME... It got ripped off and his receding hairline was highly evident.... It's age, brother... Just accept it... I put on some poundage and had to shave my head just to keep some semblance of dignity.... My friend, when I told him Chase should shave his head, replied ' then he'd look like Nick Hogan ' .... Never thought about it, but after he said that, I agreed....

Cool spot in the crowd with these two as chairs were demolished as Chase was thrown into them and Mercer got whipped into them.... The ending top this match was entirely weird...

Rudy gets knocked out by Mercer on accident.....Paul Bearer's/Undertaker's music hits and he comes out, walks around the ring, distracts Chase, Mercer suplexes him, both of their shoulds are on the mat... Jesse Fields hit the ring, Rudy wakes up... simultaneous three count.... refs argue, then Porter comes out, says he needs to send the tape to the NWA officials for their decision, even though Gulas said an NWA official was with him earlier when he presented the Gulas cup to Shane....

I don't know... I mean, I get it, you pull Bearer out, it's good for the fans, but it did absolutely nothing for storyline and left me scratching my head like ' wtf was that all about?! ' ....

Chase and Tommy agree to a rematch for the, what?! 500th time?! As if this hasn't been settled many times over already.... I'd love to see Shane Williams get involved in this feud, I think that would be money....

Quick Notes

- Loved the fact Rudy was the head ref.... And Jesse Fields was the other ref... Both are professional looking and do an excellent job, both at being a ref and selling the wrestlers moves on each other....

- Chickenhat is always prepared as he had his pants rolled up past his ankles, because of the rain.... I made a joke about it flooding and then was quick to notice that there were actually buckets in the rows of seats to catch the rain from the leaking roof, so maybe he is smarter than us all afterall?!

- Chickenhat almost shit his pants, which I should add the word ' more ' to ' shit his pants ', when he won the raffle for the Gulas OSW wrestling shirt signed by the stars there... when his number was announced, he started screaming ' YEAH!!! YAY!!! YEAH!!! YAY!!! ' and waved his ticket in the air and came rushing to the ring to claim his prize.... In a way, it was like watching a redneck version of the price as right.... I have dibs that shirt never gets washed and he probably masturbated into it last night....

- Lots of lazy eyes in attendance.... I'm scared by these... they're always rolling around and looking freaky as hell.... I guess trying to understand promoter logic on indy shows, makes an eyeball go crazy....

- Replica Belts.... Please, people... Can we stop wearing these to indy shows.... No one is going to confuse you for the WWE Champion.... Although, if you find me at a show and you go up to someone with a replica belt and ask them, seriously, ' hey brother, who'd you beat for that belt ?! ' ... I'll give you a dollar...

- Overall it was a good show. It was fun to see Bert being Bert.... It was good to see a good turnout for Porter.... I give these promoters a lot of shit, but I gotta give it to them. That was one of the most professionally ran shows I've seen in awhile... you know, outside of being snookered out of wrestlemania tickets....

- If I was Porter, I'd change the every Thursday night matches.... It's a shitty night.... Run it on Friday night.... Trust me, if I had a choice between that and Stadium Inn, I'm going to Main Event.... No offense to Falk, but comparing the NWA Arena to The Stadium Inn is like comparing Steve-O's tits to Leah Hulans....

Hit me up.... thebro1869@yahoo.com I don't bite. I'm nice. I like to talk.



-

Saw TV Review - Sort Of

The Nashville wrestling scene has been incredibly boring lately. Hence, my non posts. This week, I watched SAW, and in between suicidal thoughts caused by Dyanna Dawnn and The shitacular show, here’s a few of my thoughts on the show….

- Reno announces that he has now taken over the duties of matchmaker from Gulas Jr…. Someone, needs to call the ‘ who really gives a fuck?! ‘ nightly news, and inform them of this late breaking, urgent news…. Hey, SAW, call me when Reno becomes lead miraclemaker and improves this show by a billion awesome points….

- The Stadium Inn should obviously be researched by scientists all around the world for the mystery in the space/time continuum debate….. Why?! When Nashville ’s Maven – Vordell Walker – was in a match, SAW decided to show him in the middle of a hold, then simultaneously show him walking out to the ring during his entrance….. Me and My son both looked at each other like ‘ WTF?! ‘ and then I uttered ‘ Where we’re going, we don’t need video editors ‘ …. He laughed, only because of his love for ‘ Back to the Future ‘ and I just gave myself a SELF high five…. Much to the approval of my Diamond Dallas Page cardboard cutout…. But, come on SAW, a high school video yearbook editor can make that correction….

- Rudy Charles needs a goddamn belt…. Look, when you’re me, you know, a goddamn good looking male specimen, a greek god, a svelte mini fred durst, wearing a belt sometimes hinders the hunnies from getting to Shangri-La located just beyond the leather strap holding my pants up….. But, when you’re Rudy Charles and you’re wearing a bowtie, chances are, the hunnies are flocking to you, like Harvard acceptance officers are flocking to Chickenhat…. Hitch those black slacks up, Rudy, go to Walmart and drop a ten spot on a cheap belt…. Then maybe I can stop seeing you pull your pants up every two minutes…. It gives me flashbacks to when I hang with Roxy Rossi, because her pants are always falling off every two minutes, as are most females when they get around me….. It’s like an allergic reaction….. I kid, I kid….. They’re never actually ON when we chill…. BOOM!

- I actually liked the whole opening segment with Derrick King, Drew Haskins and Johnny Bandana…. But, the whole time I’m watching it, I’m thinking that Derrick King look like some mad scientists creation that he pulled out of Kory Williams asshole.... I see a weird Nashville wrestling science expirement happening where Kory Williams, Shelton Benjamin and the ghost of Howard Stern alumn - Bettlejuice all have their DNA harvested and put into the womb of some legendary Nashville ringrat, and through the nine months she's carrying this threeway lovechild, she makes it suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome and out pops Derrick King.... A weird, mishmash combination of Shelton Benjamin, Kory Williams and Bettlejuice DNA....

- Kid Kash is back, which is always a good thing. With SAW not being able to show a lot of Stevens stuff with Mercer and Shatter stuff, it’s probably the best idea to put Kash on and make him your top TV star…. He says he will reveal the thief who stole the SAW video equipment and tapes soon….. I will go ahead and break this news ahead of time…. It’s going to be revealed that Jeff Hardy was the culprit and then we’ll all feel incredibly bad for labeling him as a drug addict and we’ll retract our statements about how fucking high he was at Victory Road …. Because, then it will be self explanatory that Hardy was driven absolutely batshit crazy after watching all the SAW footage and trying to make sense of storylines from week to week….. Then, Kash, will be heralded as a hero for saving this young man’s life and pulling him from the deep dark recesses of a media room somewhere curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, crazed eyes staring at a TV screen mumbling something about Dyanna Dawn, Michael Graham, ChickenHat, Leah Hulan’s missing gorgeous breastesses and Jefferson’s…..

OR…..

My other idea is a BEAUT!.....

The thief could be revealed as the missing part of ChickenHat Charles’ brain that was removed after he was hit by the city bus…. I mean, it would make absolute sense…. It’s about the only thing that could make sense of SAW’s video library….

OR…..

My favorite idea of the bunch, has to do with some slick editing skills…. Just get a copy of ‘ Raiders of the Lost Ark ‘ and the opening scene where Indy steals the idol, just superimpose Mike Porter’s face over Indiana’s and instead of the idol, have a bunch of VHS tapes…. And instead of running out of the cave being chased by a huge concrete ball, he can just hope in a pedo van and drive away, until the natives throw a spear to deflate his tires, then he has to run to the plane, waiting at the river, as the natives give chase…. He yells at the pilot to take off, he jumps in and off they go with SAW’s video library…. Porter starts screaming in the backseat of the plane as an envelope full of cash lands in his lap with ‘ payout ‘ written in crayon on the outside…. ‘ PAYOUTS?!?! I HATE PAYOUTS!!! ‘ Porter screams out…. The pilot turns around to look at Porter in the backseat and Bert Prentice’s head is superimposed over the pilots….. They both laugh and off they go into the sunset, SAW’s video library in tow….

- During one of the matches, Rudy Charles acts like he is about to pass out, which allows some outside interference to occur..... I have no idea what the storyline is here or why Rudy is pretending to pass out, but I have a few theories...

1. Someone left the bathroom doors open in the dungeon below the stadium inn and the smell wafted up through a few floors and sullied Rudy's delicate nasal passages.... As well as singeing his nose hairs and turning his eyebrows ashen grey....

2. Dyanna Dawnn, who was sitting in the front row, in a dress, uncrossed her legs and the smell from her unkempt vagina was too overpowering for a mere mortal ref....

3. Chickenhat's lazy eye put him in some weird, trance like state....

All those are plausible and highly likely at the new mecca of Nashville wrestling, The palatial Stadium Inn

- I've always liked Chris Michaels.... I've always felt he was like that one local rocker, who was badass and next level, compared to most talents in the area.... But, everytime he had a chance to hit it big, he'd go into rehab and now the time has come and gone, and he's just doing local shows, opening up for bigger bands who pass through.... I don't know the extent as to why Chris Michaels never got bigger than he did, but I've always thought of him in this light....

- Ladies, put on an extra pair of panties, maybe even stock up on some adult diapers, extra absorbant, because The Bro is coming back to a wrestling event.... This Saturday night, I will be attending the NWA grand opening show with Percy Pringle.... If you hear trumpets playing and see a carriage pull up and a town crier unfurl a large scribe, and then clear his voice as he announces ' hear ye, hear ye..... The Bro is here! ' .... That'll be me... I like understated entrances.... If you see me, which I'll be easy to spot, I'm the handsome man in the picture on the side in my profile, come up, say hi, threaten me - cassidy o'reilly style, shake my hand, bask in my glory, pleasure yourself to me, or pick my mind... Come say hi....

thebro1869@yahoo.com