Alot about Hardy and A little ' bout SAW

I once had a friend, well who am I kidding?! , I still have this friend..
Anyways, he has been on a kick for a few years that Hitler survived World
War II and went with some of his buddies to a bunker in the center of the
earth, to live out his days with a group of humans that live just under the
earth's crust..



I used to laugh at this theory and just brush it off, ask him to pass the
cheese puffs and beer and continue watching and laughing at one of the
cartoons playing on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network..



Today, I'm convinced he was right..



Why?!



Easy..



I'm pretty certain that Hitler and his cronies are the elusive people
behind the term - ' TNA powers that be '



Everytime I hear that term, I just laugh to myself.. And, after last
night, I guffaw at it...



Yeah, google ' guffaw ' , we all know you are..



Anyways, so everyone knows the story now.. A 28 second main event at a
TNA PPV, which concluded with Sting hitting the COLOSSAL and DESTRUCTIVE
Scorpion Death Drop on Jeff Hardy, then getting the pinfall, while holding
down a wallowing and jerking Jeff Hardy, trying to kick out, which sadly
reminded me of a dying fish out of water flopping about to and fro..



How embarrassing..



Today, I read the reports that the ' TNA powers that be ' decided to
keep Hardy in the main event, despite his obvious intoxication due to
something, and now they have sent him home from the tapings..



What a bunch of clowns..



First off, did TNA not realize that allowing a performer with your
company, in that kind of shape, take to the ring could open themselves up to
many a lawsuit!? I mean what happens if an intoxicated Hardy hits a move on
Sting, that Sting isn't prepared for?! Especially given Sting's age and the
condition his body is in, he could have seriously hurt him or worse.. What
happens if Hardy snaps and tries to attack some fans?! There's a bevy of
potential ramifications that could have come back to haunt TNA, but luckily
for them, they did not..



Or did they?!



I've said it before, I'll say it again. Watching TNA is like hopping in
the Delorean and going back in time with Doc Brown.. It's WCW in it's dying
days..



People buying their PPV's, obviously enjoy torturing themselves, but
after last night, I have to question if they're suicidal ..



You had a first blood match, that ended with fake blood.. You had a
number one contender's match that ended in a No Decision.. And then you had
the Drop of Doom on Hardy..



How can any business person, who runs a company, actually think that
PPV was worth the money that their die hard fans forked out to see this
atrocity?!



The ' TNA powers that be ' .. That's who..



I can see it now..



Hitler sitting around in a cave located deep below earth, surrounded by
a group of rabid monkey's dressed in nazi outfits, shrieking and hopping
around Hitler, who is wearing an old school ' S.E.X. ' shirt, sitting in
front of a phone that has ' TNA ' written on it.. All while all the hydrogen
gas from middle earth is being pumped into the subterranean room, making
them all trip balls on it, making them the envy of anyone named Hardy, trying
to catch a trip off some shit



Everytime the phone rings, it's Dixie on the other end, asking ' the
powers that be ' , what to do..



And Hitler lets her know what he and his rabid monkey's dressed in
nazi outfits, all tripping balls off hydrogen gas, have decided on, using
a carefully thought out and scientific process, where Hitler puts a board
against the wall with different circles of decisions, put in a circular
target form.. Then the monkey's shit their hands, throw it at the target
and whichever answer has the most shit collected in it's targeted region, is the winning answer..



This is the ONLY way to describe the ' powers that be ' and the
shitty decisions they make..



' hey, listen everybody, the global economy is shit.... we produce a
lot of shit, so let's shit all over the fans, due to the monkey shit,
and give the fans the shittiest PPV in recorded history.. This shit will make
ECW's 'December to Dismember' look like Wrestlemania 3... '



That was Dixie's exact pre-PPV speech, btw...



If you work for TNA or involved in any aspect of that company, you
have to be truly embarrassed to be associated with that product today.. I
mean, even more so than usual..


The saddest part about all of this is the blind eye TNA and the hardy circle is turning to all of this. If TNA cared anything about hardy, outside of how much money he can make them, instead of sending him home, they should send him to a rehab facility, with the caveat that if he doesnt go, he is no longer employed by them and his contract is null and void.

Furthermore, Matt Hardy needs to cut the bullshit and admit his brother has some issues and he needs to get them dealt with. Im tired of everyone making fun of these guys who have serious issues, like sheen and hardy, but doing absolutely nothing to help them, only exploiting them for everything they can. Their camps are either fucking mentally retarded or too concerned about where their meal ticket is gonna get punched, to actually throw some hard love down.

Look, im no jeff hardy fan. Never have been. But, the guy when on his game has excellent ability, and its sad to see him go down this path. We are all witnessing an out of control train heading down tracks that lead to nowhere. Is TNA , matt hardy and the people closest to jeff just going to ride the hardy train until the bitter end and and use him for everything he's worth and jump off at the last minute, to watch the final, bitter ending?! Or, is someone going to do the right thing and force him into the treatment he needs. Because, im no nostradamus, but we are witnessing the tragic ending to yet another wrestler. And this one, can be prevented, because there's been too many signs of the impending doom.... Matt, wake the fuck up and get your brother some help. TNA, quit exploiting him and lay down an ultimatum.



As Jeff's tweet said last night.... ' things are op ' ..... no... they're not.... if you can't even spell the word ' ok ' , things are surely not ' ok ' , Jeff, and I hardly think they're even ' op ' ....



- I've watched the last two SAW TV tapings and I haven't really
wrote an in depth blog on it, mainly because I'm usually watching it with my
son and we're both trying to figure out what is going on...



I do have to say, if anyone knows the old man, who was singing the Elvis
songs in the lobby of the Stadium Inn, during the Daniels/Hammerjack brawl,
let me know.. I want to party with that old ass man.. He seems to be the type
of people I would give my left nut to hang with..



That segment was some excellent TV.. And that's written with the utmost
honesty.. I enjoyed every minute of it.. I was shocked to see the rooms of
the Stadium Inn, weren't adorned with velvet pictures of dogs playing pool,
a black and white TV with aluminum foil on the antennae on a bunch of milk
boxes and a fold out, ratty, stained with all sorts of weird liquids, futon
sitting in the corner..



That was always my perception of what the rooms there looked like..



I was a little let down that they didn't end the fight with them battling in
the dungeon bathroom.. They could have had the ' shit monster ' emerge from
the toilet for a run-in and take out one of them, resulting in the other
getting the victory.. All sorts of hilarity could have taken place in that
bathroom..



- no one being able to stand up properly, because of all the piss and shit
coating the floors



- them busting open a stall door and catching ChickenHat crouching
over a toilet, while holding a magazine with Athena on the cover



- having a ref follow them in there while wearing a Hazmat outfit



Eh, I don't know. Just some thoughts..



I really wish they'd stop showing Dyanna Dawnn commercials.. I mean,
we get it.. She gave you guys money.. But, THAT MUCH?! Really?!



There's no amount of money, that would force me to torture my viewers
with that horseshit week after week, if I was a promoter.. One of the lines in
her songs, I've memorized, because they play it, no less than 15 times in
the hour they're on TV, goes ...



' She's a one woman show! ' ..



There's a reason for that.. Because any musician with any shred of
respectability will not be associated with her!!!!! So, of course, she's a
one woman show.. And guess what, her vagina sings the same song too, because
nothing has been close to that thing, but wrinkly old liver spotted fingers,
in the last twenty years...



It's one thing if I find something amusing and laugh my ass off at the
sheer absurdity of it all, but when you add in my son, who is 12, my
daughter who is 8 and certain members of my family who have seen this, and
the first thing out of their mouth, after they close it from being agape in
sheer absurdity, is a hearty, meaty laugh, that lasts for about 20-45
seconds... I have a weird sense of humor, but when everyone is laughing at
something, I pretty much know it's THAT horrible..



I hear that the ' 24 ' movie is being made and that there's a scene
where Jack Bauer is interrogating a suspect and when the suspect doesn't
give up the information in a timely manner, he yells at ' bring in the
secret weapon ' and out pops Dyanna Dawnn, wearing her 1964 prom dress,
signing ' She's a one woman show ' and before she can even utter the next
line, the guy screams out ' ok, here's the info! ' as blood trickles out his
ears and nose...



Michael Graham announcing leaves a lot to be desired.. If Todd Grisham
and Matt Striker had sex with Jim Ross, mid stroke out, Michael Graham
would be their hideously atrocious baby..



Replace him with ChickenHat..



Some dude was wrestling on TV Saturday night, who was billed as a
scouting coordinator for the Colorado Rockies.. Which, is funny, because he
couldn't evaluate his own talents, obviously, when it comes to wrestling
ability.. Didn't like.. Shouldn't have watched..



Anytime Jesse Emerson touches a mic, I often wonder if his mouth emits
chloroform, because I immediately clock out of consciousness.. So boring..



Eh, my lunchtime is up at work.. Email it, if you want..
Thebro1869@yahoo.com

3 1 11 - Cue Western Theme & Rain!!!!

As I sit typing this in my Western Style Long Coat Jacket, My Cowboy Boots and my black pants… I hear thunder rumbling… lightning crashes…. A western style shanty is lit up across the way from me by candlelight…. Rain starts falling on my jacket…. Cascading down my face and HOLY FUCK NUGGETS !!! my computer’s shorting out and sparking all over the place, hold on…. Let me go inside and take off this ridiculous outfit and get somewhere where the rain won't void my goddamn warranty!!

Ahhh, much better now…. I just figured I’d get into the mood of this blog, and go all ‘ method ‘ about the subject I’m writing about…..

What subject?! Keep reading....


You ever been out somewhere, in public, and ran into a gaggle of kids who were just unruly?! I know I have….

Usually these kids are also unkempt looking, adorned with a rattails and faces that looked like they fell into a mud hole and immediately walked into a freezer, or fell asleep at a Krispy Kreme, where the chocolate icing glazer, mistook their ugly faces for a plain donut, then glazed it… They usually are wearing no pants and still in pull up diapers, despite them being 7-8 years old…. boogers crusted permanently underneath their nostrils and hair just a tangled birds nest of greasy hair….

You know these kids….

They’re usually with their ‘ once again pregnant ‘ mother, wearing an airbrushed tshirt with a picture of her and her waffle house manager husband, with the bubble letters ‘ 2gether 4ever ‘ airbrushed just above and under the picture…. Wearing sweatpants 3 sizes too small and furry house slippers….

You try to avoid the kids, but you have to walk down the aisle they’re all congregating in, behaving like a pack of wild, feral dogs…. So, you approach with caution, but when you get close, you politely say ‘ excuse me ‘ as you try to scurry by quickly to get to your destination….

These kids have something else in mind, as one punches you in the nuts and the others start pounding you with the cereal boxes they are eating out of and calling you names like ‘ asshole ‘ and idiot…. The mother is just laughing, while trying to feign a sense of motherly discipline by shouting’ stop that ‘ , but the kids hear the laugh lingering just under the statement, so they just continue hitting and cursing you, until you’re through…. At which point you look at the mother and she utters something ridiculous like ‘ aren’t they just cute?! ‘ …. You cringe and bite your tongue, because you know how to act in public, but the whole rest of your shopping trip is ruined and you steam about it for the next 12-24 hours….

We’ve all been in that situation right?!

No?!

Just me?! Well, I urge you to attend a stadium inn show, walk to the ‘ vending machines ‘ and encounter the ring rat’s and their little ring mice and then get back to me….

Anyways….. The reason I bring this up, is because I want you to visualize that scenario…. Now… As hard as this may be, visualize Dixie as the mother in this situation…. And then envision those unruly, dried snot faced, pants-less, rattail kids as the ending to TNA Impact, last Thursday night….

Better known as the ‘ 3 3 11 ‘ promo ….

You know, they hype up this ‘ HUGE ‘ and ‘ SHOCKING ‘ ending with TNA Impact, so you sit through all the garbage that was on TV before it and then you get down to this announcement and then you’re treated to a DIRECT ripoff of the WWE themed Undertaker promo videos…. Even down the exact font they used to scroll ‘ 2 21 11 ‘ … only they inserted ‘ 3 3 11 ‘ , hyping Sting’s return to TNA….

That twenty seconds of promo time was like getting punched in the balls by a gaggle of unkempt retarded/redneck children, while being heckled and laughed at by a mother shouting ’ isn’t that just soooo cute?! ‘

No, Dixie, it wasn’t cute…. In fact, it was the most atrocious thing I’ve ever seen on a Wrestling TV show, and this includes, Katie Vick, Ed Ferrera as ‘ Oklahoma ‘ and Jackie Gayda in a ring on Raw….

It trumped all of those….

Why?!

Because, it was a complete and utter slap in the face to ALL fans, just not TNA fans…. You know, TNA tries to act like they’re the ultimate alternative to the WWE, they’re like that guy that goes to a coffeeshop, wearing an ascot and a derby hat, sipping on some sort of fancy named coffee, reading the New York Times and scoffing as you read Maxim, shifting your legs, trying to cover the boner you’re getting from a Mila Kunis spread, you look at him like ‘ tha fuck you staring at?! ‘ and he just rolls his eyes and goes back to reading, as he loudly shuffles his paper to alert everyone around him, he’s so far above it all, that he has to read the New York Times…

Then one day, you stop going on the days you typically have to deal with fuckface mcgee and start going a different day….. Then you notice a guy sitting there, wearing a Nickleback shirt, baseball hat turned around backwards, drinking a straight black coffee and thumbing through a SI Swimsuit Issue….

It’s fuckface mcgee!!!! The guy who thought he was so much better than you, pulling a ‘ you ‘ !!!

He notices you staring, pulls the magazine up to cover his face, you walk up, and address him….

‘ tha fuck is this?! ‘

‘ good day sir, what is the meaning of this hostile intrusion?! ‘ he asks in a british accent

‘ hey, david beckham, the gig is up…. You’ve been caught, you’re not british, you don’t like ascots and you don’t wear a derby hat nor do you like to read the new york times!!! It was all a sham ‘ you say, aghast

‘ look dude…. Im a phony, ok?! But how else am I gonna get the ladies?! I have to act different than you, because you’re so much better than me. Do you think I like wearing that Fred Jones - like ascot?! A derby hat?! are you kidding me?! And, I cant even read!!!! But, I have to act like I’m so much different than you, because I want the girls to have an alternative, even though I desperately want to be you…. You know?! ‘ he says in perfect English….

A twinge of remorse hits your gut like a fairgrounds hotdog….

‘ Alright dude… I’m gonna let it go this time…. But, don’t ever do this shit again, be yourself… you’ll get more chicks that way! ‘

And the you punch him in the grundo as you walk away, as a parting shot….

THAT! Is TNA… A company that truly wants to be WWE, but has to give off the persona that they’re some renegade, total 180, complete opposite form of entertainment….

Who let this go on the air anyways?!

Do they still have a job?!

If they do, I want to know why, and I want to know the total number of pictures they currently have of Dixie Carter wearing the Wonder Woman outfit with a midget in a gimp suit….

Because, that has to be the only explanation, of why anyone in upper management, especially Dixie, lets a blatant copy/ripoff of WWE’s promo’s go on the air, and especially under the hope and promise of something ‘ HUGE ‘ and ‘ SHOCKING ‘

And honestly, even if it was a different promo, and still hyping Sting’s return, what a fucking letdown….

Oh great…. We get a returning, in his late 40’s old, washed up has been, in sad clown makeup and a rubber bat coming back to do splashes in the ring, while screaming ‘ It’s Showtime Folks!!! ‘ ?!

HUGE and SHOCKING.....

You know, if you’re describing the levels of letdowns a returning Sting has on the fans….

It would have been HUGE and SHOCKING had Sting appeared in WWE, because he has never worked for Vince….

It’s not HUGE and SHOCKING when he comes back to TNA, after whatever injury or makeup crisis he had….

That’s like your wife, for all the married folks out there, keeping up this charade of saying she had a ‘ surprise ‘ that was ‘ huge and shocking ‘ for the bedroom for you later that night….

You get all hyped up for it and all these thoughts of sheer eroticism and pleasure dance through your head….. As you picture your wife dressed up in different things…. Catwoman, Wonderwoman, BatGirl, Harley Quinn…. You start thinking ‘ well maybe she’s bringing another girl into the bedroom and we’re gonna get a little three way action going!!!! ‘ … the possibilities are endless….

The time comes, you walk into the room, after she tells you it’s time to come in…. And she’s still dressed in her khaki pants and blouse…..

There are new sheets on the bed….

‘ OMG!!! Aren’t they so nice?! Got them at Bed Bath and Beyond for 50 percent off, aren’t they just lovely ‘

You hear a crash and the sound of glass breaking and look down as you see your penis broken into a million pieces, as it dried up and fell off after that letdown…

That’s what Sting’s return is like for TNA…. Who cares?!

TNA will likely pound their chest and brag about ‘ getting one over on the marks!!!! ‘ and how they have all these people talking about their product now and the whole Bischoff claim of ‘ Controversy = Cash ‘ claim is true… But, it’s not…. They will claim that ‘ any publicity is good publicity ‘ and I beg to differ… Ask OJ simpson, might have heard of him, if controversy = cash....

If a bunch of girls go around and claim that I have a small peen, a claim that is utterly untrue, by the way, ladies…. I will show you, if you like… But, I digress… If a group of ladies go around telling everyone my peen is small, how does that help me, AT ALL?!

It doesn’t….

It has the same effect this stupid, ridiculous promo does…. It makes people stay away….

And that’s what TNA did last Thursday night…. They unzipped their pants and instead of a five dollar spicy meatball footlong falling out, all they did was show the world that they’re nothing more, than an unkempt, smelly, old and overrated vagina

Congrats

I’m done with you TNA for awhile…. I’m done caring…. I’m done with you giving the belt to a man, that should be sitting on a wooden platform above a tank of water that people should be paying for the chance to dunk the ‘ sad clown ‘, instead of seeing him main event PPV’s ….. I’m done with all your ‘ shocking ‘ and ‘ huge ‘ announcements, that turn out to be nothing more than a kid in college bragging to his friends, that he has a huge penis, then when cornered in the bathroom, instead of packing a chili cheese coney, he’s packing a Pepperidge farm ‘ lil’ smokie ‘

TNA = A Singular Lil' Smokie

Thebro1869@yahoo.com

Bro Knows News

So, Trent Van Drisse, of the uber popular ‘ Mid Southern Wrestling Message Board ‘ , broke some news on the podcast he has with Larry Goodman and Murder One, this past week, that Mike Porter, Tony Falk and Bert Prentice were all seen together at a Chinese Restaurant two Saturdays ago….

To call this a ‘ meeting of the minds ‘ , would be to give that term a backhanded slap and a spit in the face…. However, inquiring minds would like to know what these three were up to….

I will go on the record, IN THIS BLOG, in giving my opinion on what I think this was all about….. There are several options. I will cover them all below….

- Three Stooges Movie Casting…..

This seems the most logical really…. I have heard news that the movie adaptation of ‘ The Three Stooges ‘ had been shelved after Sean Penn and Jim Carrey pulled out of the project. However, I had also heard the studio was looking to recast and move on with the project….

And who better to play Larry, Curly and Moe than these three?!

Yeah, that’s a hard question to answer, huh?!

That’s because this is a no brainer….

And, the story basically writes itself….

I can see the synopsis now….

‘ The three stooges try to start a wrestling promotion. Hijinks ensue as they jeopardize each others pursuit in attaining the goal of running a wrestling show. ‘

They would be cast as follows…. Bert as Curly, Tony as Larry and Mike as Moe….

Or….

Maybe they were coming together with the producers of the sequel to the ‘ A-Team ‘ …… To be cast as some new members in the sequel…

Bert could be the new Hannibal wearing his Hawaiian shirts and chomping on a cigar as he gives orders to his troops….

Tony Falk would be Hawkeye…. Just crazy as shit , making the kookiest ideas work… such as, running a wrestling show In the lobby of a hotel better known as a ‘ crack den ‘ and ‘ whorehouse ‘ …..

And Mike….. Well, he’d be the driver of the creeper van…. I mean, enough said with that….

And together, they’d form and alliance with ‘ Face ‘ , obviously played by Newcomer, Marcus Pastorius, wearing a Vest, of course, to use their unique skills to take out other wrestling promoters in the area…. Preferably starting with H.W.A …..

Hannibal ( Prentice ) would call the fire marshall or local police about whatever promotion they were sabotaging this week, while Hawkeye (Falk) would dress in a disguise and be the promotions ‘ fill in ‘ booker and book all of his talent on another companys show, thus sabotaging them by putting mediocre talent in the ring and Porter ( BA Barracus ) would just sit out in the creeper van and leer creepily at the people going to the show, giving them a sense of uneasiness…. All while Marcus Pastorius hits the ring to be a ring announcer, where he will insult everyone with his verbiage as he ridicules cancer patients, all religious creeds, races, sex, orientation and ages……

And Boom! You got a destroyed company all at the hands of Nashville’s Wrestling A-Team…..

Orrrrrrrrrr

Fill in your best ideas, here ____________________________________

- Chicken Hat gets tackled at an USWO show while trying to ‘ save ‘ the belt….

This story cracks me up…. This is like putting a loaded gun on a table in front of a retard…. Pretty soon, you know the retard is going to pick it up and fire….

And, with Chickenhat always being personally involved in the shows at USWO, this was inevitable….

In his half functioning mind, he thought he was doing the right thing, by getting personally involved in a show, by picking up the belt and trying to give it to Tony….. But, this is also a man who wears a cowboy hat with colorful poultry feathers adorned to it and looks like someone sent a groundskeeper back in time to 1975 to raid Marty Robbins closet…. So, obviously deducing powers are not the prevailing attribute when thinking about Chickenhat…. shitty drawers and body odor – Yes... Making the right decision – Not so much….

It’s all harmless now and everything has calmed down, but if I was Tony, I’d be careful about how much access and involvement I’d let Chickenhat have….. Otherwise…. This happens again, and lets say he gets seriously hurt…. By the end of this year we may have C.H.W.A. replace U.S.W.O – The Chicken Hat Wrestling Alliance….. It would be like Bizarro Superman at the Stadium Inn – Everything backwards…. ChickenHat would be sitting at the door, taking your money, giving you tickets and yelling at Gordon, while Tony Falk danced to Jimmy’s music and sang the National Anthem and then sitting down to mumble incoherently under his breath and yell at the heels….

- Speaking Of Chicken Hat

He was on the ‘ Phoning It In ‘ podcast, with Trent and Larry Goodman and Murder One, in what has to be the funniest interview I’ve ever heard… I highly suggest you go give that a listen….

Some of the highlights of his interview….

- His downright hatred/overbearing sexual tension with Athena comes through loud and clear as he calls her a whore and slut and bitch repeatedly….

He also claims that Athena has been in more motels than a Gideon Bible and that Athena is the only person, that puts ‘ Motel 6 ‘ as her place of residence on an application….

I mean, for a half retard, that’s pretty funny stuff….

His armed forces slogans about Athena are pretty hilarious too and I eagerly await the coming rebuttal by Athena at a show or maybe a phonecall to the podcast soon….

He confirmed the accident story, also confirmed he’s missing half his brain…. Which, I hate to admit, made me laugh my head off, or in this case, half my brain off * cue rim shot *

He has a job, as a busser, for a hotel downtown…. I was wondering the whole time, if they allowed him to wear the hat while he worked…. I hope they do…. Although, I’m sure by doing so, close to 5,000 health code violations were committed…. Then again, just hiring him and having him in a kitchen and around food, violates about 1,000 alone….

He believes wrestling is real….. Which, is sweet in a way…. That made me utter a small ‘ awwwww ‘ when he said that…. It made me want to pat him on the head, then I quickly thought about the dandruff flakes, grease and general creepy crawly creatures that I would have on my hand after I removed it, and maybe a small case of scabies?!

He goes to other wrestling shows, PPV’s and travels a lot…. Meaning he’s independently wealthy…. Which made me go and quickly devise a plan to wear a hat with feathers in it and run around in traffic on gallatin pike….

It was an awesome interview…. Go check it out. The podcast in general is great and should be a weekly listen for all those interested in the Mid Southern Wrestling scene….

- Jeff Daniels claims items were stolen from the USWO lockeroom this past weekend….

He posted on Trent’s bored claiming that someone had stolen stuff from someone else in the USWO lockeroom…. The term ‘ USWO ‘ and ‘ lockeroom ‘, made me snicker, but I digress….

What was stolen?! No one knows, but I have my ideas…

Here is a list of items that I think Jeff was referring to…

1. Talent

2. Talent

3. See numbers 1 and 2….

But, don’t worry Jeff…. Talent wasn’t stolen from that lockerroom, it was never there to begin with… As a whole…

Sure, there are a few that have it in there, but as a whole…. Mehhhhhh

And then there’s the whole Chris Harris issue with the good guys over at www.inyourheadonline.com …..

I’ve listened to their podcast for about a year and have listened to their archives, and they’ve always been nothing but professional with everyone they’ve had on and have always treated the guests with respect…

So, that’s why it was surprising to hear that they had issues with… Chris Harris?!

Chris was supposed to be on the show to do an interview, and Jack E. Jones, the host of the show, had been exchanging emails with Chris to confirm his appearance….

What happens next, is just an avalanche of errors and at the end of it all, it leaves you wondering if maybe Chris Harris had half his brain removed too, alongside ChickenHat….

You really have to go listen to the podcast of that show, to really get a grasp on the weirdness exhibited by Chris Harris through emails…. He tells the host to call him to remind him, and was being cool about the interview…. Then the day it was supposed to take place, Chris Harris starts acting like he has no idea who the guy is…. And keeps repeatedly asking who he is and what radio stations he works for and being adamant about the fact he never had an interview set up…. You know, despite the fact, the host was replying to Chris Harris’ own emails where he could have easily scrolled down to look where the interview was confirmed by himself earlier…..

It all winds up with Chris Harris calling the hosts house, several times, and just hanging up, repeatedly….

It really is a bizarre story and really strange coming from Chris, who I thought was one of the better guys in the business.

Maybe when he went to WWE and became Braden Walker, and delivered that awesome catchphrase of ‘ I’m Braden Walker and I’m gonna knock your brains out ‘ , he tried to punch someone and somehow wound up hitting himself, and knocking his own brains out…. I mean, how else do you explain this strange behavior?!

The topper of it all, was listening to that clown, Jesse Neal, call in to defend Chris Harris and some promoters honor….

He got mad that the hosts were making fun of Harris’ emails, of which they had every right to do, and joking around about some promoter ‘ sitting in his house sucking dick ‘ …..

Neal got so indignant that they were making these claims, because Neal was at the promoters house, that he decided to call in….

At first he did the whole ‘ im a tough wrestler on the phone and I’ll frighten you into crying and backing off with my gruff voice and demeanor ‘ puffing out the chest act, but the boys on inyourhead, just laughed him off… As they should, because Jesse Neal, is a clown and clowns deserve laughter….

First off, getting soooooooooooo mad, that two podcasters are making fun of a promoter and saying that he was ‘ probably ‘ at home ‘ sucking dick ‘ , and you calling in and saying your at his house and being vitriolic about the fact that no sucking of the peen is going on, actually makes you look like you were hoover-ing up some penis, Jesse Neal….

Second of all, Who are you?! Why should I care about anything you say?! You’re a mediocre talent on an incredibly shitty wrestling TV show, and in about 5 years, you’ll be a footnote in the checkbook of TNA, that will be opened by Vince McMahon, when he acquires the company and he’ll be like ‘ who the hell is this jesse neal?! Is he that fat bastard from Dukes of Hazzard?! Dixie Hired him?! ‘ ….

To which one of his assistants will inform him ‘ no sir… he was in a tag team called ‘ ink inc ‘ ‘

‘ I heard you the first time, why repeat it?! ‘

“ sir… that was their name ink inc “

“ goddammit, I said I heard you the first time, why the hell do you keep repeating the name of his tag team!? And why are they called ‘ ink ‘ for? that makes absolutely no sense ‘

“ sir… I’m not repeating…. The name, is ink, as in a pen writes in…. and inc, as in incorporated…. “

“ my god, that may be the absolute gayest thing I’ve ever heard….Quick! bring Pat Patterson in here, STAT! ‘

Pat enters….

“ Pat, tell me that story about you and that Nashville promoter, Bert Prentice, again, hurry! ‘

“ well you see boss…. Me and Bert were at his place, and we were watching ‘ Beaches ‘ under a quilt together, brownies were in the oven, and we had mudmasks on… after ‘ Beaches ‘ finished we decided to watch ‘ Grey’s Anatomy ‘ while eating those wonderfully delicious brownies… we then finished the night by painting each others nails and then retiring to the bedroom where….. “

“ ALRIGHT, get the hell outta here “

“ Sir, what was that all about….?! “

“ Well, you just got through saying the gayest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, with that horrendous and shitty tag team name that Jesse James or whoever was in…. And, I had to actually replace that in my memory bank, with the absolute gayest thing I have ever heard “

END SCENE

Ink Inc…. Isn’t that just cute….

Jesse Neal goes on to berate the hosts, saying they only have three listeners to their show… Which, is hilarious in context, because then…. Why Call to defend your honor in front of three people?!

Then he does the typical ‘ im an offended wrestler and as such, will challenge you to a fight to prove my manliness, grrrrr, see how manly I can be!!! ‘ schtick, by saying he hopes to see them someday out in public, so they can say what they were saying to his face…..

I’ve always found wrestlers funny like this…. It would be hard NOT to laugh in someone’s face, like a wrestler, when they use this line…. Why?! Simple….

It’s stupid…. Of course, if chances were that Jesse Neal met me in public, because of his training and years spent wrestling, he could probably do some damage to me, but what would that prove exactly?! That he wasn’t sucking dick ?! not hardly…. All it would prove was that a trained wrestler, who gets paid to beat up people, beat up an internet writer…. That’s like me challenging a guy in a wheelchair in the 40 yard dash and when I win, gloat in his face…. It proves nothing…. That’s like me going ‘ Man, Jesse Neal, sweet tats bro… cool hair, dude…. I can’t wait to meet you in a chatroom or comment section somewhere, so I can own you with some dastardly verbiage!!!! ‘ …..

I’m surprised Dixie lets clowns like these represent her company, openly, on the airwaves, and especially on an internet wrestling podcast show, one of the biggest in the nation – btw…..

Seems you really wouldn’t want to turn your core audience against your product, by having some curtain jerker come on the air and run down the hosts and internet wrestling fans in general…. You know, TNA’s core audience…. Makes absolutely no sense, which is why it makes perfect sense in TNA Bizarro World….

Speaking of inyourhead…. On their most recent podcast, you can listen to Percy Pringle, aka Paul Bearer, who is always entertaining. But, in the interview, he says that he is going to be doing a BIG show in Nashville on the 26^tth of March, anyone have any idea what he’s talking about?!

Mickie James and Victoria have come under fire recently for comments they made on Twitter about WWE…. Mickie commented about the Rock’s return and Victoria commented on Trish Stratus’ return…. Supposedly Dixie or top level management was mad at them for making comments in a positive light about their ‘ competition ‘ …..

This is RICH….

Competition….

Their Competition?!

Don’t you have to beat someone, AT LEAST, once in a blue moon, to be considered competition?! TNA is no competition to WWE and the fact that Dixie and her minions think so, is quite comical and crazy…..

Here’s a list of things that are bigger competitions to their opponents, than TNA is to WWE

- Sobriety Vs. Charlie Sheen

- Moral Decency Vs. Lindsay Lohan

- Sanitary Vs. Stadium Inn

- Middle School Diploma Vs. ChickenHat

- Breaking 100 pounds Vs. Angelina Love

- Being Straight Vs. Bert Prentice

- Dental Hygiene Vs. Nashville Wrestling Fans

You get the picture….

I mean what’s the point?! It’s not like you’re on TV opposite WWE…. Or in any way, shape or form a threat to topple the empire…. So, who cares?! No one who is watching TNA is going ‘ what’s WWE?! Another wrestling organization?! Oh… well, I will be sure to watch that now, and not watch TNA ‘ … NO!

Get over yourselves, TNA, just who do you think you are?!

Email it brotha - thebro1869@yahoo.com

SAW TV Review..... Err.... Diatribe 12/12/11

If there is one thing I could change about S.A.W. it would be to ask for a wrestling genie that could grant me a wish….. And then for my wish, I’d ask for a million other wishes to correct all the wrongs with SAW TV….

However….

If that genie wanted to be stubborn and actually play by the genie handbook, which clearly states....

– section 45, page 3, paragraph 13c –

‘ If person cashing in a wish, asks for more wishes, then all wishes shall be revoked and his soul cast into a lake of fire…. Or maybe just a small heated pond, since we’re genies and not the dark lord himself…. ‘

Then, I’d be forced to ask for the most pressing wish of all for S.A.W.

- The ability to make someone care about what they’re watching -

I sat down with my son to watch S.A.W. the other night, in between watching a WWE PPV on DVD and that is like going from watching the Yankees play in Yankee Stadium or the Red Sox playing in Fenway, to watching the local little league game at some sh*tty, run down field between two teams sponsored by a Bar B Que joint and a laundrymat….

And, that’s not to say that S.A.W. is not charming…. It is… Much like watching a little league baseball game…. But, for an outsider, such as my son, I understand how taxing this can be….

Why?!

They give you absolutely no reason to care about a match, unless you are an established SAW supporter and know all the wrestlers and storylines…. They just randomly throw a match on TV to start a show and you’re supposed to automatically be sold, 100 percent, on the action and the characters…. Michael Graham could have possibly stated the reason Chase Stevens was fighting some guy with the last name of ‘ Temper ‘ , but honestly, Michael Graham might has well of been reading the names and numbers from the phonebook or perhaps reading me a menu from a fine dining establishment, because he just puts me to sleep on commentary…..

I just don’t get it…. It’s like SAW is in a little world to itself, and it’s content to stay that way. Like that Stephen King book about the town that was placed inside a huge super bubble dome…. SAW is like that…. It has it’s core group of fans and it seems to only want to cater to them with their TV…. I don’t understand it…. Have some promos, have a video package showing why these two wrestlers are fighting…. Explain things, give people a reason to care…. Instead of just ‘ lets go to the ring… What’s This?! There’s two people fighting for unknown reasons…. ‘

If I’m just a casual TV watcher on a Saturday night, I immediately flip right past this stuff after watching it for 5 minutes…. Everything from Mr. Rogers, sans a cardigan, on commentary to the shitty local commercials to the two guys fighting in the ring that no one outside of chickenhat and his brood of DNA delinquents cares about, it’s just painful to watch…..

Not to mention the claims of it being ‘ live ‘ and everyone in attendance being in shorts and tank tops and a George Gulas promo where sunbeams are cascading across his sweater, when it’s 9 p.m. outside…. I mean, you have already insulted my intelligence by expecting anyone other than a 16 year old carrying a wrestlers child and screaming ‘ there my baby daddy!!! ‘ at the TV and chickenhat to care about the action on screen, you have to up the ante by claiming it’s ‘ live ‘ when clearly these matches were filmed in the summer….

It’s cool to have TV when you’re a wrestling company, but if you’re not going to put the best product out there, then why show it?! Or…. Here’s an idea… How about have some alternate things to show during that hour, if you’re not going to put a product out there that is indicative of the kind of things you will see if you bought a ticket currently to watch the show…. Unbeknown to Reno and the SAW TV staff, watching replays of matches that happened sometimes over a year ago, is no way to build your company and attract more fans…. Why?!

Because we don’t have a plutonium powered DeLorean time machine!!!!

So, if you’re not going to show current or even semi-current SAW programming, here are my suggestions for what to do with your paid hour of television….

- ' George Gulas Reads Shakespeare '…..

You think you’ve read Shakespeare?! THINK AGAIN!!!!! Because George will have you captivated and probably a little dumbfounded when he reads Shakespeare and mispronounces words and invents new ones you’ve never heard before….. It’s like Shakespeare, REBORN!....

- ‘ Can you get hired by Tony Falk?! ‘

A new reality show where we take hidden cameras and place them on people who want to be professional wrestlers and try to get hired by world famous promoter – Tony Falk….. Watch as people confined in wheelchairs and those missing limbs vie for a job in Tony Falk’s company as they outbid each other with how many ‘ paying customers ‘ each can bring….

- Fear Factor ‘ Stadium Inn ‘

We all love the hit show Fear Factor…. Now, watch as we take USWO and SAW fans and subject them to an hour of excruciating horror…. Who can survive an hour inside the Inn?! Only the strongest… As they’re locked in the dungeon bathrooms for 25 minutes, if they’re still sane by the time we unlock the doors, we make them stay in a room of the hotel and then have a CDC expert on hand... those who didn’t contract an STD, will then run the 4^th floor gauntlet where junkies will try to stab you with hypodermic needles and whores try to bludgeon you to death with the heel of their stilettos while trying to pick pocket you….

Make it through all that and you’re our grand prize weekly winner…. With free admission to USWO, a Petey Wright used pair of ladies jeans, a meal voucher for TA truck centers and a used and sign Chickenhat Cosby sweater….

- ‘ He My Baby Daddy! ‘

A Maury Povich inspired show where underage pregnant ringrats claim which local wrestler impregnated them…. Instead of Maury, the show will be guest hosted by Shane Eden and James Storm on alternating weeks…. Every week a prominent and pregnant Nashville ringrat will claim that some local wrestler knocked her up….. After exclusive DNA evidence is revealed to show who the true father is, more times than not, it will probably one of our two guest hosts….

This show will only be thirty minutes as the following half hour will be filled with a show called

‘ Bandanazzzzzzzzzzzz ‘

It will be a show where Gary Valiant, Jeff Daniels, Chase Stevens and Arrick Andrews design a new bandana each week using arts and crafts, and then you call in, American Idol style, and vote for your favorite each week, with the bandana receiving the most votes being used at a show on the weekend by it’s respective wrestler…. The losers all have to seek out my cousin, and tie their losing bandanas to some appendage of his that is not adorned with them already…. And trust me folks, those areas aren’t very appealing…..

- ‘ Mr. Pastorius’ Neighborhood ‘

Instead of a cardigan sweater, he will be known for wearing douchebag vests and instead of welcoming kids into his neighborhood with a sunny disposition, he’ll instead welcome them to his neighborhood as follows

‘ Welcome the fuck to my goddamn neighborhood!!!!! Oh what a lovely fucking day, won’t you be my goddamn neighbor?! ‘

Hijinks and hilarity ensue each week

Also watch as each week Mr. Pastorius goes back in time with the help of his time traveling postman and share in the adventures of Marcus Pastorius as he crashes some of the biggest events in history and takes credit for and gives himself high fives for said events taking place…

Watch as Washington crosses the Potomac and Pastorius quickly paddles his way in a small fishing schooner, and blares Evanescence from a boombox and shouts from a megaphone ‘ this wouldn’t have been fucking possible without the goddamn help of me, Marcus Pastorius, Master Fucking Boat Maker! ‘

Watch as Martin Luther King delivers his ‘ I have a dream ‘ speech and Pastorius grabs the mic, slams a boombox on the mic stand and blares evanescence as he shouts ‘ I have a dream too!!!! To outdraw TNA in Nashville at the Fairgrounds Sports Arena in 2011…. THE goddamn future, bitches!!! ‘

Watch as Pastorius grabs the mic from Lincoln as he’s delivering the emancipation proclamation, slams his boombox of evanescence on the mic stand and screams into the mic ‘ I wrote this goddamn shit , check out my FUTURE vest bitches!!! '

All this and more on ‘ Mr. Pastorius’ Neighborhood

‘ Can Bert Prentice and Kid Kash Get Your Grandmother ‘

Weird title…. Easy concept…. The show will be devoted to Kid Kash staring at the TV screen and insulting your grandmother with a phone number flashing…. As soon as he antagonizes her to the point where she can’t resist, she will pick up the phone to let him know what a ' low down son of a bitch! ' he is….

But, picking up the phone instead is Bert Prentice, who will then try to sell your grandmother a raffle ticket, with her temper raised to the point of no reasoning…. Can Bert Prentice sell her a raffle ticket for a crushed box containing Scott Norton in his N.W.O. gear after Kid Kash has verbally brutalized her to the point of no return?! Watch as two master craftsmen dual it out…. Kash, the best antagonizing heel…. Prentice, the best raffle ticket seller…. Who will win?! Your grandmother will decide!!!!!

See, SAW….. Much more entertaining options than showing a match from early 2010 that bears no meaning on the current product….

And, I have million more ideas bouncing around in my brain…. All I ask for is executive producer credits…. And, hot vag to pound into oblivion....... Thank me later, SAW….

thebro1869@yahoo.com