Monday, October 4, 2010

" Good Blog Writing Is your right.... And I... Demand It! "
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" Which is probably why you should read no further... "

The Bro Remembers The Fairgrounds Sports Arena : Vol 2

This is Volume 2 of my look back at the people that I remember seeing and who left an impression on me, from all the wrestling shows I've attended over the years at the Fairgrounds Sports Arena - A.K.A. - The Mecca....

I'll have more volumes as time goes on....

The Victory Twins…..

Has there ever been a tag team so inappropriately named than these two goons?!

Every time they were announced and came to the ring, I thought to myself…. “ Victory?! Have these guys even looked in a mirror, let alone won a match?! “ ….

Basically, if you had ever wondered what a Ghoulie ( 80’s horror movie fans will know what I’m talking about here ) and a Lou Ferrigno lovechild twin set looked like, who was born in a meth trailer explosion..... you had the Victory Twins

I laughed to myself everytime they came through the curtain…. If, you were a newbie to the local scene…. You’d expect two hulking behemoths to come through the curtains, with a name like “ Victory Twins “, blaring music from Slayer or Ratt…. Instead you get Two Scrunched Face oompa’s in some wrestling tights that looked like they were hand me downs from the 1960’s, with the most generic music you’d ever hear….. I thought they should come through the curtain and their entrance music should just be that theme song that plays after you lose a game on the Price is Right….

They were pretty horrible…. And that was my nice compliment. However, as horrible they were, they were part of the fairgrounds wrestling card for awhile…. So, they’ve been stuck in my nostalgia portion of my brain for awhile…. Granted, for reasons not so great, but they’ve been stuck there for awhile….

I thought they should have really had them dress up as Oompa Loompa’s and come out to the Oompa song and have Bert Prentice dressed like Willy Wonka, as their manager…. That would have AT LEAST been entertaining, as opposed to how un-entertaining they actually were…. But, again…. They were usually part of my weekend sojourn to the arena…..

Bart Sawyer….

I honestly used to watch ‘ To Catch A Predator ‘ with Chris Hansen on Dateline NBC and would always look for Bart Sawyer to show up at a house, wait for the underage girl, who was doing ‘ laundry ‘, as he tried to position himself on a seat at a table as seductively looking as possible, sucking on a lollipop… Then Chris Hansen appears and goes “ so, what are you doing here?! “ …. And Bart Sawyer would look stunned then start mumbling about “ well, ummm, you see…. I’m a wrestler and there was supposed to be a show and ummmmmm this was the address they gave me to show up at and ummmmm… “ As Chris just looks at him sadly and shakes his head “ are you ‘ bartlicks69xo69 ‘ on instant messenger? Because, we have a transcript with your picture and this name…. “ ….

Now, before I sully the good reputation of an independent wrestler * cough cough *, let me state the fact, I have no idea if the dude was a pederast

But, I would never be surprised if he was found to be…..

I used to go down to the Arena with my cousin…. I remember this one time vividly…. Sawyer comes out, walking all weirdly to the ring… I had bets he was drunk….

And this was during the time where he was supposed to be playing ( I guess? ) a sexyboy/Shawn Michaels type of character?! Anyways, he goes around and tries to sit next to ladies, and I use the 'ladies' term very loosely, sitting in the seats….. He gets up and sits down next to this girl who was wearing braces and looked to be about 12 years old…. He tilts his head and gives her a look like ' you know you want to eff me ' and then starts to lick and suck on his lollipop like some internet tramp in pigatils and a schoolgirl outfit trying to lure me to view some dubious site of ill repute on the interwebs….

So, while most people think of a pederast as a guy sitting in a conversion van with an Aztec warrior painted on the side holding a famished princess in his arms as they overlook a burning adobe village, while wearing a fishnet tank top, buster brown hat and cutoff jean shorts…. I’ve always thought of a pederast as Bart Sawyer…..

He was a decent wrestler who if you ever wondered what Rowdy Roddy Piper would have been like if he never made it to the bigs and had to wrestle in the South on the Indy scene his entire life, you had Bart Sawyer….

I’m pretty sure he was one of the first wrestlers I ever noticed who didn’t wear cups prominently…. Now, some of you will be like “ told you homey, Bro’s gay as shit!!! “ …. But, I’ll counter that with my ‘ Bro’s Book of Hot Squeash He Has Pounded ‘, for proof of my straightness and then I’d also point you to the fact that when a guy comes walking out, sucking on a lollipop, walking with his pelvis arriving first to any given spot and a turtlehead popping out to say hello to the world, you can’t help BUT notice this stuff…. Plus, he wore yellow man-panties that were three sizes too small…. So tight in fact, that you could literally count the veins in his peen from a distance of 45 feet….

Bart Durham ……

While we’re on the topics of creepy guys named ‘ Bart ‘ ….. Along comes Bart Durham who is an ambulance chasing lawyer based in Nashville who for a time dabbled in managing wrestling….

He’s a creepy old man who loves the young girls…. And I have a theory about how he got into wrestling…. Wanna hear it, Here it go….

Remember that urban legend about ChickenHat getting hit by a City Bus on his way to wrestling and then suing the Bus Company, and in the process becoming a millionaire, who still lives in a ramshackle shanty with his mother?! Ok…

So, I think Charles was represented by Bart Durham, who then had to research local wrestling…. Saw some hot young girls who were involved with it and was like

“ JACKPOTTTTTTTTTT! A whole new crop of girls to exploit and take advantage offfffff!!!!!“ as he thrusts his fist into the air and takes a deep, long breath of the money under his nose, held their by his other hand ……

And Bert, never the one to turn down money from anyone, decided to let this guy pay his way into wrestling…..

He’s as creepy as they come and wasn’t very meaningful on the local scene… But, I just remember this because HE is so closely associated with Nashville pop culture and what better way to bridge the gap all the way around than for wrestling, a Nashville staple of weird entertainment for years, get involved with this guy.....

I will say this for Bart Durham…. He’s basically the Nashville version of Dick Clark…. The dude has had the same face for 20 years…. It’s never changed…. And, that’s NOT a good thing either…. They should sell Bart Durham Halloween masks in Nashville only… They’d be a hit…. You could even include a button, that when pressed says, in a southern drawl…. “ Candy is my right…. And I…. Demand It! “ …… A takeoff of Bart’s signature closing line in his local commercials…. “ Justice is your right…. And We…. Demand It….. “ And I felt like demanding justice for paying to see this guy run around the wrestling ring as a manager….

As an aside to this story on Bart Durham, I remember one show he was on here in Nashville and I was just out of high school and dabbling in independent filmmaking…. I was with a group of kids who had cable access television rights as we took a class there on broadcasting…..

I went to a show with Bart Durham on the card and carried my camcorder into the Arena expecting to do a little movie about independent wrestling in Nashville, then Bert saw me interviewing some people and came to shut me down….

I remember him putting his big paw on the camera lens

“ You can’t tape here! “ he bellows

“ Why not?! “ I asked indignantly…. You know how college aged kids are, we’re always in the right….

“ I run this place, that’s why “ He says matter of factly

“ You run the whole fairgrounds? News to me “ I say

“ Look, you can’t film here, bottom line “ he says

“ There’s nothing on these tickets that make that statement “ I point out

“ There’s also nothing on there that says I can’t kick you out for being a problem either! “ He counters

“ Get me Bart Durham, I know he’s here, and I demand justice! “ I say smart-assily

“ And if you keep filming, I’m gonna demand you get your ass out of here! “ he says sweaty and angry

“ You’re an angry man, why?! “ I say with a sarcastic smile as I pack my bag up and resign myself to defeat

“ You would be too if you dealt with the crooks I dealt with on a daily basis “ he says as he walks away briskly….

I thought that was really telling….. Now….

I look back on that conversation and laugh….

I was in the wrong, I know this…. NOW….. But, for Bert to say something about ANYONE else being a crook, is hilarious to me…. And I know Bart was working with him at this time, so I’m assuming he was referring to him, even though he probably wasn’t…. But, I’m gonna jump on the assumption train and pull out of the gates with it….

The most hilarious thing about all of this….. I was recapping the lens on the camcorder and I looked down and saw a huge puddle of moisture on it, which came from Bert’s sweaty palms when he was trying to cover up my filming…. Why was he always so sweaty for?! Always a mystery….

Lollipop……

Remember her?! Ah yes…. The TNA Cage Dancer who flashed her tits on a PPV…..

Anddddddddddddd who was the first person to give this girl an interview in Nashville?! Yep…. Me….. On my old site…. I knew this girl was gonna be a star….. Why?! I knows talent when I sees it!!!!

Ummmmmm, just google image search her, that’s why…..

She was, I say this in all honesty and humbleness….. THE HOTTEST FUCKING GIRL IN INDEPENDENT NASHVILLE WRESTLING HISTORY…..

My penis miss her…. I mean, ummmm, I miss seeing her at the shows…. IN FACT, I miss seeing anyone remotely attractive on the shows nowadays…. Where did all the hot girls go?!

I know, I know, she couldn’t wrestle or whatever, but when did that ever matter in Girl’s wrestling?! If you’re hot, which she was and Charismatic, which she grew to be, you can definitely hold your own in the wrestling world as a female….

I feel like there’s a story somewhere about how someone in wrestling ruined her and that’s why she is no longer in it….

I mean we all know the story about how Borash let it slip that LowKi stuck it in her butt and that had to be embarassing....

But, was that it?! Was that the reason she left wrestling?! Because there’s a hundred pretty boys who have wrestled on the Nashville independent scene who are like “ so what?! at least it was straight sex, we had to let Bert do that to get a push! “ …..

She was a Nashville Wrestling landmark, for better or worse – for my penis it was better, and for my….. wellll, who am I kidding, it was for the better all the way around when you’re an unabashed pervert like me - , and I for one beg for her to make her glorious and triumphant return…. If not her, at least give me someone to lust after…. Wrestling has always been about hot squeash parading around the ring wearing little to nothing, as the mongoloid perverts in the crowd fight back the urge to rush them and sexually assault them….. Have we forgotten our history?! Come on….. Bring back da girls!!!!!


thebro1869@yahoo.com

4 comments:

  1. Loved It. Even better than last week.

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  2. excellent post bro. keep this shit up. any truth to the rumor that was circulating that you actually boned lollipop? we all know you boned an executive in TNA at one time. but if you stuck it to lollipop, you'd be the man.

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  3. This is a hit. Love the look back. Bert is a character for sure. I know for a FACT he despised you. Not that you care. LOL

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  4. Bro, the part about Bart Sawyer nearly made me wet my own yellow man-panties. And yeah, gay as it sounds, I remember that Bart's wee-wee had a life of its own back in those days. He coulda named that thing and gave it a gimmick.

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