WWE - NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS REVIEW

WWE - NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS REVIEW





Dolph Ziggler Vs. Kofi Kingston - I only pull for Ziggler for one reason…. He looks like the greatest American Actor of all time and Good God Handsome Man – Kurt Russell…. A Young Kurt Russell…. Otherwise he does nothing to appeal to me…. And that outfit he wore last night with the leopard skin vest and the Chippendales neck wrap, was atrocious…. Speaking of atrocious…. Kofi Kingston…. “ oh but the kids love him so let’s give him a push! “ …. Have you seen the shit kids like nowadays?! It’s… well….. shitty shit . I don’t understand his push…. He can put on a good match, but he also can put on 5 star shit ones… his promos are the reason the word “ monotonous “ was created and what’s up with that misshapened chest?!I've often thought that Dolph Ziggler's evil twin should be Chase Stevens, or like Bizzarro Ziggler....

BOOM BOOM! Know what that sound is? The dynamite going off to end his 15 minutes…..

Dolph wins…. Justice reigns…. All is right with the world….

BTW, has anyone else noticed that Vickie has dropped several dress sizes?! People always ask “ what happens to the fat when you lose it?! “ ….. I think Vickie should be asked this, because undoubtedly her answer would simply be “ have you seen Matt Hardy lately…. For real… “

CM Punk Vs. Big Show - What’s the deal with the doo-rag?! What’s the deal with Show being so incredibly lazy that his finishing move is now….. a punch….

“ Show, the internet says you’re slow and lazy and don’t care anymore “

“ I’ll show them!!!! I still have that passion, that burning desire… I’m going to reinvent myself and I’ll start with a finishing move that’s devastating and destructive…. Something earth-shattering…. The….. PUNCH!!!!! And then… to top it off… I’m changing my look…. I’m going for something edgy… something radical and dangerous…. Something that will have people going “ hey, don’t mess with that guy, he's edgy and rough around the edges, a scallywag, a rapscallion!! “.... I’ll wear…… A DOO RAG!!!!!!!“

* cue empty looks from the production room *

Who’s hot dog did Punk replace with a turd?! He’s done something to someone to get relegated to this storyline…. The guy, is arguably, one of the best all around performers on the show and he thrown in poorly developed and shittily ( yes, i just created a word ) thought out storylines with a guy whose best days were when Eric Bischoff’s hair didn’t look like he has seen Jesus…..

Show wins with a knockout punch and I drink another beer to drown the pain…..

Daniel Bryan Vs. The Miz – I made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t be overly critical about this match or really talk about it…. Because…. I love both these guys…. It has pained me to see them feud, because I’m like Natalie Imbruggliattama , ‘ Torn ‘ …..

All you need to know is that Daniel Bryan won…. The Miz now moves into his rightful place in the WWE… The top tier…. He’s worked hard to get where he is at and taken tons of shit..... He should be applauded for the last 6-7 months In the WWE….

And Daniel Bryan can now work on becoming like the Miz…. This was a win/win for the the fans… Epic match, I thought, and both performers really went over….

And yes, this is just shameless, over the top, man love…. But, at least I’m honest about it….

Michelle McCool Vs. Melina - Since women’s wrestling doesn’t really matter. I make predictions on matches, based on hotness….

Since Michelle McCool is incredibly more hotter than Melina… I chose McCool…. Nevermind the fact I’ve probably splooged close to 5,789 times to her image on the net, I was impartial and non-biased….

“ NO HE WASN’T!!!! “ shouts my penis

Hey, guess who won the lottery?!

Undertaker….

How did he score McCool? That’s the biggest win in WWE history….

I look at Michelle McCool and I weep for her vag …..Having to endure deadman penis, has to be horrible....

It’s hard to 'bate to her anymore, because I’ll be all into it and then BAM! all I see is her and him going at it, Undertaker hit’s the BIG O…. and then does his signature eye roll into his skull and McCool just yells out “ FLAWLESS “ …..

Melina…. Oh Melina….

Michelle McCool wins to become the unified Womens Champion, with the help of Layla, and does anyone ever get creeped out by Striker always referring to Layla as his “ English Muffin “ ?! in a terrible English accent…. Anyways, congratulations Michelle McCool…. I still weep for your vag, but congratulations on becoming The Jericho of the Womens Division!

Kane Vs. Undertaker – As stated earlier, I don’t think there’s been a bigger win in WWE history than Undertaker scoring McCool….

So, I knew Kane would win….

How?!

It’s easy…. Undertaker worships the Satan, so he offered up his eternal soul to “ bang the squeash of Michelle McCool for life “ in return for never winning another match of meaningful significance for the rest of 2010….

The Satan agreed, mainly because he was like “ yes, let’s fuck with The Bro’s 'bating habits!!!! The mans inner palms are like crystalline quartz! “ …..

I’m really happy for Kane…. Dude’s a trooper…. Plus, he has got into some serious shape since winning The Belt…. Remember when his Belly Button resembled the start to a black hole that was going to eat the earth and bring about the end of the world?! They lied when they said the Large Haldryon Collider was located in Sweden, it was actually buried deep in Kane’s belly button canal….

Now, it’s just like a mini-supernova and you can see some Abs….

I like Kane…. But, this means we’ll have to endure AT LEAST two more weeks of promos that go like this….

* cue creepy organ music and red lighting *

“ brotherrrrrrrrrrrrr….. remember the time……….. we were playinggggggggggggg in the yardddddddddddddd…… we made mudddddddddddddd piessssssssssssssssssssss…… you stole mineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…… took a crapppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp in it….. gave it to me and made me eat it under the guise of it being chocolate?! I hate youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….. And I don’t have a dictionary right nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…. To properly use……………….. the 6,000 synonymsssssssssssssssssssssssssss that can convey my hatredddddddddddddddddddddddddd…. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “

Can we please get Paul Bearer back for the inevitable Hell in the Cell match coming?!

Hart Dynasty Vs. Any mismatched hangle dangle tag team they could come up with last second - Really…. This was not very interesting, because the only tag team they really spent time building, other than The Hart’s – Vladimir and Santino – lost…..

Look, I’m a Santino mark…. There are many others too and I just don’t get why they won’t give him a meaningless belt…. Especially ones as meaningless as The Tag Team ones….

The fans mark out for him, he gives awesome promos and he’s entertaining in the ring….

And that’s more than I can say for, let me be realistic here and not overstep my bounds….

EVERY FUCKING TAG TEAM IN THIS MATCH

If you took a survey of 100 WWE fans, 99 of them would choose watching Santino and Vladimir with the titles and the vignettes that would follow as opposed to Drew and Cody….

If you look closely at the belts after Drew and Cody won them, you can CLEARLY see the Spartan Warrior on them shedding tears…. They’re not worthy….

VLADIMIR AND SANTINO FTWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Orton vs Cena vs Sheamus vs Jericho vs Barrett vs Edge

I’ll stop typing and observe a moment of silence for the Greatest American Wrestler of ALL Times, possibly last match, in WWE….

Jericho….

I’d also like to take this time to write my personal plea to Jericho….

Dearest Jericho,

Please don’t leave my television…. You’re the most entertaining person in WWE…. You’re a great wrestler and an even GREATER performer…. I have your poster tacked to the wall beside my bed…. I’ve remained a reborn virgin because of that, but I refuse to take it down… That may sound creepy, and it is…. BUT! That’s what you mean to me…. I’d gladly never squeash another vag again to make sure your poster hangs proudly and watches me sleep…. With the words “ I’m the best In the world at what I do “ written on it…. I smile thinking “ he means wrestling, but me…. I’m the best in the world at what I do too….. masturbation “ …. But, I digress…. We’ve had a torrid love affair with each other for years…. shit, man….. Just last night I wore my “ Jericoholic Ninja “ homemade shirt to Hooters…. I wear it out in public and get laughed at, as I probably should, but I don’t care, I will gladly sport your stuff anywhere… anytime…. Don’t leave us….. Or….. If you do….. Don’t make it too long…. Please?! Come on, I’ve given up the golden years of my penis lifetime and my dignity by wearing Jericho’s Personal Security homemade shirts out in public….. You can, AT LEAST, agree to this….. Right?!

So, after I just assured myself of a restraining order if he ever reads this, I’ll move on….

Match was good, yet bittersweet….

I really thought with the DVD coming out, that Jericho was going to win….Then drop it at the next PPV….

And yes, I’m a gullible mark….

But, he was eliminated first…. FIRST!

That’s like me choosing which Diva I’d have sex with….

And eliminating Kelly Kelly first….

After that, it was all downhill for me, and I think I drank three beers in a row, quickly, to dull the pain……

Orton wins, the fans cheer, which amuses me, because this guy was THE MOST HATED HEEL in the company for years on end… Then, Legacy breaks up with him, a move that should have been cheered by the fans, and he becomes A HUGE FACE…. Don’t understand… I live in bizarrooooo wrestling world….

Cena should realize he needs to turn heel…. It would be epic and news worthy….. The fans are already split and with each passing month, he gets more boos…. So why not just have him come out, and the turn has basically written itself….

“ I’ve given everything to you guys… I’ve carried this company on my back… I’ve sacrificed everything to entertain you and you still boo me?! Are you kidding me?! I have to wear these stupid shirts with flashy colors so you simpletons are drawn to them like moths to a flame…. I have to wear JORTS, because most of you are trash and think these things are fashionable and can relate with me on a level, you…. Let’s face it, never will…. Just like I had to change my finishing moves name to make it more kid friendly…. I don’t even like kids!!!! Actually, I despise them! Especially these dirty little bastards in the front row…. Look at you…. Fat, stupid looking and already crippled with the fact you were born into poverty by parents who had to set back 80 percent of their monthly earnings to buy tickets here tonight….. I HATE YOU…… Like my finishing move was once called… I leave you with my final thoughts…. FU….. “

See, it’s simple….

He needs a change… He’s gotten stale, but like him or hate him, he’s entertaining and a decent wrestler….

Although, I’m assuming He will face Barrett one last time….

I’ve really fallen for Edge recently, so I’m interested in where he goes from here….

And Yeah…..

Decent show…. Not the best this year, but not Extreme Rules 2010 bad either…..

Watching this, I quickly realized that I do, in some sick twisted spot in my psyche miss Triple H…. And Vince….. And Shane…..

I want them back….

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BREAKING NEWS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting this week, later in the week, The Bro Wrestling Entertainment Corporation is introducing a new writer to the blog…. He should have a blog up here on Thursday…. He’s everything I’m not, and will be a Great addition and contrast to my articles….

He’s well versed, smart, connected and decent…. He’s a good writer and can actually judge a match based off moves and not pick apart the smallest detail of everything, like yours truly….

You’ll enjoy it…. He’s a former TNA employee and hopefully we don’t come to written blows over my dislike of them nowadays…..

thebro1869@yahoo.com