Questions From The Sack....

Questions from my sack...... My Mailsack, you perverts!!!!

“ Bro, why do you feel the need to belittle preformers who put there body on the line for your enjoyment? You’ve done this for years. I find it rediculous frankly considering youve never stepped foot in a ring so you have absolutely no idea what your talking about. like most internet hack writers “

Jimmy , KY

- Oh James…. Oh Jambles…. Oh Jimbo….. Thanks for the email, because this is a subject that I can talk about for hours on end…. Why? Because, it’s absolutely the most ridiculous argument about internet wrestling bloggers that I routinely hear…. “ you haven’t stepped foot in a ring, so you can’t make a comment on a match “

…..

So, it’s that easy? All I gotta do is step ONE foot in a ring, and then pull it out and I’m immediately a wrestling reviewing genius? Not even TWO feet? Just one? Sounds like a sweet deal, sign me up…. I wonder if I put two feet in, if I become the Harry Potter of Wrestling Internet Reviewers, blessed with magical powers?! Plus, what ring should I step ONE foot into or does it matter? If I step ONE SINGULAR foot in a WWE ring, does that make me more knowledgeable than if I step ONE SINGULAR foot into a back alley indy ring located in an old warehouse?!

Does this also mean that wrestlers can’t tell me I’m a horrible writer because they’ve never written a blog? Does that mean wrestlers like every movie they’ve seen and never complain about them, because they’ve never directed one? Does that make wrestlers like every piece of food that they eat, because they didn’t work at that restaurant and cook the food previously?!

No…. It means they have an opinion of what they like and don’t like…. You know, like every other friggin' human being on the face of the planet….

And let’s face it, I’m hardly the guy to rip a match, outside of it either being boring or just stupid…. I like to rip other things…. I don’t do ratings of matches, I leave that to others. I tried it once and it just felt so gay going ‘ this match was a 4 star classic ‘ …. Exactly where are these stars I’m awarding? Are they gold or silver or bronze? Are they glittery?

See how gay it is?!

Plus, judging from your horrible grammatical errors in your question, I’m assuming you’ve never really written anything more productive than a grocery list, so who are you to criticize me, you know, considering you’ve never stepped foot inside a keyboard….. Oh wait…. That’s a ridiculous argument….. Just like the one about ‘ you can’t say shit until you step foot in a ring “

“ where did you go? You just stopped blogging for years and then you come back guns blazing not ever missing a beat. What gives “

H.J. – TN

- Eh, you guys took me for granted…. You didn’t know you had greatness in front of you and I decided to teach you all a lesson….. CHERISH ROYALTY WHEN IT’S IN YOUR PRESENCE!!!!!

I kid, I kid….

Toward the end of my TNA days, I had gotten way too close to the inner workings of the wrestling business and honestly, it just completely bummed me out, practically ruined me on wrestling as a whole and I had to take a sabbatical…. As I’m sure you know, wrestling is a seedy, seedy business….

I liken what happened to me in wrestling, as to being a young kid and waking up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water…. You walk down the hallway and you pass your parents door…. You stare at it, it’s midnight and there’s weird sounds emanating from the room and you’re curious…. You love your parents and it sounds like there’s a zoo in their room, with grunts, snorts and wild chimpanzee-like yelling…. You get your water and you’re drinking it thinking ‘ wow, it must be magical in that room, it sounds like a zoo, I bet there’s all kinds of cool animals in there ‘ , so you put the glass in the sink, go marching down the hallway, smiling ear to ear, and slam open the door, expecting to see your parents with a bunch of animals…. Because, in a kids mind, that could happen….. But instead, you see your parents banging and you’re mortified…. You scream, slam the door shut and go run to your room, dash into bed, crying with tears streaming down your face…..

And then you never look at your parents the same again….

Such as my time pulling the curtain back on wrestling…..

I got too close. I started hanging out with someone who worked in the offices and there was friction between me and someone on the roster and at the same time, I had family issues going on, so it was for the best that I walked away….

Like the old saying goes ‘ be careful what you wish for ‘ …. I had always wanted to be on the ‘ other side ‘ and when I did, it wasn’t the magical land of chocolate reindeer and skittle bunnies hopping about on a rainbow or milk and honey….

The positive thing is I’m back… you know, positive for the people who like me…. Not so positive, for those who don’t… It’s definitely positive for your mom and girlfriend and/or wife. I’d suggest buying a lot of chastity belts. You know… Moths to a flame… Bert to a Buck…. Storm to a Rat… I’m irresistible like that…. Ha

“ Why do you and Prentice hate each other so much for? “

Tammy – GA

Tammy…. I don’t hate Prentice, and I’m pretty sure he has no feeling of hatred towards me…. Actually, the last part of that statement is probably untrue, but I digress….

Bert’s a character…. He’s ingrained in the Nashville Wrestling subconscious and if someone broke into my house and held a gun to my head and told me ‘ we pull the trigger….But, you can save yourself by sucking our peens or saying something nice about Bert Prentice, the decision is yours “ Then I’d quickly say ‘ got any chapstick? My lips are cracked! ‘ – Kidding…. I’ll gladly say something nice, such as …..

Give me a second…..

Oh!

Bert never met a dollar he didn’t like…..

Bert is like the Nashville wrestling version of a cockroach…. He will be here long after we’re all gone, still running shows, selling raffle tickets for a WCW Sting figure in a package that looks like he’s been sleeping on it since he was 5….. And there will be more mouthbreathers coming along to pay a dollar for a ticket for a VHS copy of ‘ Summerslam ’88 Greatest Hits ‘ …..

I have no personal beef with Prentice really…. He’s tried to strongarm me several times in the past and tried to exert his power, but I just laughed and shrugged it off…. He’s harmless. I’ve just been told story after story about how gay he is and how he used to be notorious for conveniently leaving before the end of the show without handing out envelopes or handing out envelopes with those pesky invisible dollars inside them…..

I’ve looked at Bert Prentice as like Tony Soprano’s retarded borther…. He was never good enough to get in the family business with Tony, so he decided to go into a business, not unlike, the mafia…. And, he’s made a name for himself here and he’s obviously been successful in it, for as long as he’s done that and I guess that deserves to be commended, because there’s been many promoters to come in and never have the success of Prentice…. Of course, this goes back to the mafia angle, with Bert singlehandedly trying to run all his competition out of town with betrayal and espionage…..

“ one of my favorite moments at the asylum during tna days was watching mr perfect go off on you. It was bad for you, but hilarious. “

Tbag – TN

Yeah, that was just completely weird and random. I still don’t know the backstory to it, because sadly he died a week later…. I had loved him in his WWF run, but after that never really dug him in WCW and when word broke he was coming to TNA, I wrote a scathing article about TNA bringing in more has-beens and being WCW-lite….

So, during his match, I noticed him keep looking my way, but never though anything of it…. Once it was over, he comes walking by and the one clear thing I can remember in his shouting to me was ‘ you’re whats wrong with wrestling! “ …..

I was caught off guard and just laughed during it, because how do you respond to that….

“ I’m what’s wrong with wrestling “ ….. Just say that and think to yourself how that makes any sense….

I ran and now run a blog…. I have no control over anything wrestling related… I just like to entertain wrestling fans and write…. I’ve always found it funny that wrestlers get their feeling so upset over what someone writes about them on the internet. To be as rough and tough as they claim to be, they sure get hurt by typed words…. I’ve had bad stuff written and said about me and I personally have no problem with it, but wrestlers tend to scurry off and cry about it…. I don’t get it…. Obviously their opponents could learn a lesson and instead of trying to fight them, just bring a laptop to the ring, go to blogger.com, open up a site called ‘ www.myopponentsucksmadpenis.blogspot.com ‘ and then start entering in hateful words and make fun of them, and boom! Instant 3 count….

I respect what all wrestlers do…. Doesn’t mean I have to like each and every one of them or say nice things to them…. But, I will tell you this, if someone was attacking James Storm and calling him a fraud and a phony because he’s a wrestler and participates in scripted matches, I would join Storm by his side and defend him…. No joke…. My family was ‘ in the business ‘ and I don’t see how you could NOT respect the pain and suffering they go through to entertain us…. However, I have opinions, I have likes and dislikes, and I’m going to voice them when it comes to wrestling… You know, despite not stepping ONE SINGULAR foot into a ring….. ;)

“ rumors circulated while you were running your old blog that you banged lollipop, a wookie, Athena, goldilocks, a couple of local valets and a girl in the top levels of TNA management. Any truth to these? “

Dave – TN

Sorry, I’m still laughing…. I’ll tell you why…. Just read this question again and think to yourself…. ‘ How crazy is wrestling? ‘ … Only in wrestling could someone ever be asked ‘ did you bang lollipop, a wookie, Athena and goldilocks ‘ …. That just sounds funny out of context….

Anyways, I’ll address these one by one….

Lollipop – I wish…. By far, the hottest girl in TNA…. Maybe history of TNA?! It’s close with her and Dixie…. However, there is no truth to that rumor…. She’s gorgeous and sexy as fuggggg, and my peen would retire into the hall of fame if that ever were to happen, but sadly, no….

A Wookie – Whoa…. That story caused me soooo many problems…. But no….. No truth to that…. I mean, there’s truth to it, but not to the levels of debauchery that have surfaced …. Thankfully, the next girl saved me from it…..

Athena – Absolutely not…. I was friends with her… that’s all and my penis owes her a debt of gratitude and would gladly give her a plaque to hang on her wall for showing bravery and courage under fire by saving it from certain doom…. She’s a good person and the wrestling world could use more like her…. But the rumor is completely untrue….

Goldilocks – I don’t even know where this came from!? I honestly had to search my databank of hot girls to come up with a goldilocks….

Top level TNA Management Girl – You know…. You can ask her, I suppose, but she’s no longer involved with the product, so that’s probably impossible…. * wink *

And in closing…. I encourage others to send me emails, and I’ll answer them on this blog, maybe twice a month…… Just send all your questions here – thebro1869@yahoo.com