Open Letter to Jeff Jarret....

So this little link

Jarret Wants Another Tyson

was posted on Trent's message board this week here

and everyone has weighed in on the topic of whether Jeff was valid in his statement.... But, something else caught my eye in this article that left me scratching my head....

this little diddy, right here...

Jarrett on whether Angle has ever wanted to kill him: "Hmm. And vice versa too. Professionally, we're good. Personally, I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye."

That is the comment that caught my attention….

And, that’s why I have composed my letter to Jarrett….

Dearest, Jeff…. Jeffrey….. J-Bone….. J-Daddy….

Angle has every right to be pissed at you….

You stealing his wife and family, in the wrestling world…. Is akin to Salacious Crumb from ‘ Star Wars ‘ taking one of Jabba’s sex slaves and making her love him and leave Jabba’s side to get married to Salacious…. It’s akin to Andy from ‘ The Goonies ‘ leaving Brand and admitting her undying love for Chunk…. It’s akin to Marion Ravenwood leaving Indiana Jones and telling him she’s been fucking Sallah….

shit like that ain’t supposed to happen…..

Karen Angle leaving Kurt for you is like the hottest high school cheerleader, dating the star Quarterback, who then admits she’s been bangiong the waterboy, who so happens to be in a wheelchair on the sidelines who gets an authentic jersey, so he feels like a part of the team, even though he’s really not….

I just don’t get it…. How could you EVER have a problem with Angle…?!

How?!

That’s like winning the lottery and getting pissed that the Lottery commission won’t pay you the million dollars in quarters and nickels….

You should be on your knees thanking God….. Check That…. The Devil.... that he honored his contract with you when you sold your soul to him, in exchange for ‘ Karen Angel’s vag ‘ ….

you should be calling Angle up every weekday and going….

‘ Hey Bro, wanna come over and let me show you my senseless collection of Affliction shirts, hair dye boxes and Zima cases?! ….. We can play games too… I have monopoly and connect four…. I’m sure if I look harder, I can probably pull out a Pictionary box or ‘ Win Lose or Draw ‘ – The home edition - too…. We can eat some ritz crackers with a wide array of cheeses and deli meats and I’ll put it on a fancy tray…. You there, Kurt…. Hello, Kurt, you there?! …. ‘

Cue dialtone….

I’m just speechless that you would have the audacity to say that you have hard feelings with Angle….

This baffles me….

If I were Angle and Karen had told me she was leaving me for the Platinum Playboy, I would have quickly sat her down and made her watch the video of you losing to Chyna and then quickly put in my countless videos of me winning The World Heavyweight Championship or defending it successfully…..

And then look at her and go ‘ Really?! …. You’re leaving THAT for a guy who lost to a girl, A GIRL, while wrestling in an outfit that looked like he got into a fatal four way with Freddy Krueger, Edward Scissorhands and Wolverine?!.... Really?! ‘

And then I would have farted in her face and said ‘ enjoy that smell, because that’s what you’re leaving me for…. shit in the wind! ‘

I got nothing personal against you, Jarrett, you deserves your place in Wrestling History…. Whatever that may be, when it’s all said and done…. But, no one…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONE, will ever try to justify you being anywhere near Angle in the Wrestling hierarchy….. In fact, you could be on top of Wrestlings Lookout Mountain and look out using the viewer and not be able to see Angle from your Wrestling history perch…. You could probably see people like Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Horace Hogan, but trying to see Angle, would be like you going to the REAL Lookout Mountain and trying to see California….

So, Jarrett, please shut the hell up and just enjoy the fruits of your smarmy, back handed and shitty man jerk antics of stealing another man’s wife and keep your mouth shut…..

And to tee off on the comment that everyone else has, about ‘ Wrestling needing another Tyson ‘ … I will say this….

Wrestling doesn’t need another Tyson or another ‘ Pop Culture Sensation ‘ Crossover….

I mean, haven’t you learned from your past mistakes?! You recently had, arguably the biggest star on the biggest reality show on television…. And how did those ratings turn out for you?!

Wrestling, like it has in the past, just needs a reinvention of the product…. In the 80’s you had the incredibly cheesy and over the top characters, then it died out…. In the late 90’s and early 2000’s you had the attitude era with characters that were more based in reality and that fizzled out….

Wrestling is cyclical…. So, instead of trying to find the newest fad or flavor of the month, try looking at your product and reinventing it…..

But, if that fails, and I’m sure it will, because either you’re just mentally retarded or the platinum dye has soaked past your skull and seeped into your brain… I hear that Alf, Spuds McKenzie and The ‘ Wassup ‘ Guys are still looking for work and can probably be had on the cheap….. Maybe that will help you with the BIG ‘ Pop Culture ‘ Splash….

I mean, let’s be honest here…. You guys spent A LOT of money, for what I would consider the biggest figure in Wrestling/Pop Culture history – Hulk Hogan – and what did he do for you guys?! Establish that massive and awe-inspiring 1.2 ratings mark that you’ve consistently had for months?! Give me a break…. TNA/Wrestling needs a reinvention, not a rehash of something, that I would argue didn’t cause THAT many people to buy Wrestlemania 14 anyways, it was more the drama between Stone Cold, DX and McMahon that garnered much of that interest to begin with……

Anyways, good luck with everything.... You know, collecting affliction and ed hardy tshirts, finding the hottest bejeweled jeans and trying to be relevant in the wrestling business...

thebro1869@yahoo.com

Coming Up In A Few Days - My Wrestling Resolutions For The New Year

SAW TV REVIEW - 12/18/2010

Yes, I'm back! Everyone's favorite SAW TV reviewer, not named Larry Goodman, is here.... Much to the delight of allllll the ladies and much to the chagrin of SAW.....

I'll start off the report with a positive.... This show was better than the last one I reviewed.... See below for that review of a trainwreck of freight cars filled with burning human feces.... This week we were treated to no Blackjack Brown or extended Dyanna Dawnn segments. Luckily, I heard the Government has taken those tapes and are now using them as a new form of torture against terrorists. Instead of waterboarding them or using any other ' inhumane ' forms of torture, they now just show SAW TV tapes featuring Blackjack Brown and Dyanna Dawn.... I heard it's highly effective... Within 2 minutes, they're screaming ' I tell you everything. just stop making me watch this madness.... fat old man dressed up like cowboy, then fat old man dress up like woman country singer.... this is pure madness! I surrender my secrets, just hit stop! ' .... Look, I got nothing against them both, but if I want my wrestling TV show to be taken seriously, they never make it on.... You showcase your best on Tv, leave those two clowns for the local people to see at the shows.... It's like me walking into a bar, spotting a hot milf, buying her a drink and going ' did I tell you I love Star Wars, Professional Wrestling, Comic Books and action figures?! ' ..... That does nothing for me.... Instead I walk up to her and I go ' did you hear my penis is the size of a baby elephants snout?! ' .... and then she's ready for the show.... But, enough about them.... Moving on....

We get to see the returning Leah Hulan from Grumpy's Bail Bonds in a Santa Outfit that shows off her wonderful tits.... I wonder if those things produce Egg Nog this time of year... Tis' the season!

Now, on to the review...

Changing it up this week....

I'm just going to key in on the good and bad parts of the show.... Because, let's face it here, if you want a GREAT review of the show, we'll just wait on Larry Goodman's post.... Until then, let's key off on the madness of my review.... The good will be called ' The Shit! ' and the bad will be called ' Awwww Shit '

The Shit -

Paul Adams - Anytime this man is on my TV, it usually equals money.... In fact, his nickname should be ATM, because anytime the dude is on a show, you can guarantee you can bank on pure money in his performance. He's made holding a towel cool again. Somewhere Jerry Tarkanian watches his wielding of a towel and a tear runs down his face at the justice that Paul Adams gives this underrated prop piece.

Kid Kash - What's there to say about this guy?! He's a pro through and through. I think Kash should just start a company called ' Replacement Badass ' and you could just hire him on a daily basis to be your personal badass.... Your boss taking advantage of you in the workplace and you don't have the balls to say no?! Well then hire Kid Kash as your replacement badass and watch the carnage ensue....

Boss - ' Hey, I need you to work over tonight, gotta have those reports due ASAP '

You - ' Ummm ok.... i guess ' as you start sweating nervously

Kid Kash comes out from under your desk

Kash - ' Hey asshole, my boy here isn't working over, he isn't going to do your goddamn reports and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it... in fact, we're leaving now and we're gonna go to your house, he's gonna record me banging your wife, then we're gonna drink your top shelf shit and if you're lucky, he'll flush after he dumps a loaf in your toilet before leaving '

Boss - ' Who are you?! '

Kash - ' I'm Kid Motherfuggin' Kash.... Replacement Badass '

Then have some cool catchy-voiced ladies singing ' Kid Kash - Replacement BadAss '

I think that's money.... Because, the dude is pretty intimidating...

He brought out Reno Riggins and promised him that he would find the ' asshole ' and ' piece of shit ' who stole the equipment and tapes from the show a few weeks back and ' choke them out '

I nervously look over at my boxes of SAW tapes postmarked to ' America's Funniest Home Videos ' laugh nervously, then start sweating, rubbing my neck, going ' goddammit! I don't wanna get choked out! '

Jeff Daniels - Yes, ' Macho Man Legs ' made a surprise appearance on the show and attacked Hammerjack.... I love Jeff Daniels.... He's the best promo man in the Nashville market and has been for years. I also love how he's like a genetic experiment gone wrong.... He's like ' The 6 Million Dollar Man ' , only in this show... They took Macho Man Randy Savages legs and mixed them up with Vince Neil's Hair and Headband from Motley Crue and then you get Jeff Daniels.... He's also tied into the ' awwww shit ' list down below, but nothing he did caused it

Leah Hulan - Ahhhhhhh, this lady literally makes me want to commit a crime, just so I can call her to bail me out.... Which, totally defeats the purpose of the commercials, but GOOD GOD! man.... She was dressed in her Santa outfit, with her tits literally popping out, promoting the fact that Grumpy's was sponsoring the SAW Christmas Show and every kid that comes gets a present.... This had me going through my closet, feverishly looking for my ' Dukes of Hazzard ' footie pajamas from 1985 and hoping they still fit, so I could go down there, try to pass myself off as a kid and get to sit on her lap and tell her what I want for Christmas, which would have been a combination of the following

1. her tits
2. my peen
3. silly putty
4. elmers glue
5. pool stick
6. electrical tape
7. a pack of pork rinds

David Young - He wrestled Vordell Walker on the show, which I often called ' Nashville's Maven ' since he looks just like him, but I digress... I've always liked David Young. Never understood how he didn't get a bigger push in TNA, during the earlier years.... He had the best Spinebuster outside of Arn Anderson, and honestly, he was probably better at it than him in his prime.... He came out wearing a muscle body suit, because Paul Adams had said that he was Young's new ' lifecoach ' and he has been hitting the gym hard recently....

It was a pretty funny look. But, I'm all for David Young having that gigantic - mid term - baby stomach.... I've always thought it would have been awesome had Young cut a promo saying how he does the spinebuster better than Arn and that he was tired of everyone correlating Arn with the Spinebuster instead of him, so he was changing the name to ' Gutbuster Supreme ' and then everytime, before he hit it.... He would rub his belly, much like Booker does the ' 5 time ' and Cena does the ' U Can't See Me ' before they hit their moves....

I've said many times that in the Dead Sea Scrolls, there's a part about how David Young, at the end of the world, was going to go around destroying everyone and sending their souls to either heaven or hell.... If he met you and you were going to heaven, you got to rub his belly and feel the unborn messiah kick..... If you were going to hell, well he'd just hit you with a spinebuster that would crack the earth's crust and send you straight to beelzebub.... David Young, the pregnant member of the 4 Horsemen of the apocalypse.....

The ' Awwwww Shit '

Rick Santel - I like Santel, but tonight on the show, he looked like the Mexican Bo Bice and trust me you clowns, The American Bo Bice is nothing you'd want to emulate your look after either.... He went from looking like ' Lo-Pan ' in 'Big Trouble in Little China ' to looking like the Spanish Version of A Runner-Up on American Idol.... However, I can't fault him. He has a hot piece of ass with him.... I did laugh at a closeup of him, hitting Vordell Walker when he was tossed from the ring.... It clearly showed Santel with his hand on Vordell's head and then taking his other hand and hitting his the hand on Walker's head.... Then they quickly switched camera views....

Vince Gill - Look, I'm all about time traveling and some 1995 Vince Gill, but please Reno, get the delorean filled up with some plutonium, and take Vince Gill who was holding the mic for you and Kash and quickly take him back to where you found him.... Probably Amy Grant's bedroom.... While a drunken Gary Chapman was passed out downstairs with a bottle of scotch listening to ' I Still Believe in You '

Michael Graham - Oh man..... When Jeff Daniels hit the ring to attack Hammerjack, Michael Graham repeatedly, after various closeups on Jeff Daniels, kept repeating about how he had no idea who this ' unknown assailant ' was.... Somewhere, Stevie Wonder is screaming from his couch ' Even I know that's Jeff Fucking Daniels, idiot! ' .... He was probably just following script, but good lord.... Who ok'd that?! He's arguably one of the best known Tennessee indy wrestlers in the last ten to fifteen years and this j-brone is acting like he's Shane Eden in paternity court screaming ' i don't know who dis' bitch is! ' .....

Sigmon - Decent wrestler.... Actually he's above decent.... But, he looks like the dude at my company working in the IT department.... He needs a new look. Something that distinguishes him.... Like I said, he's a good wrestler, but totally forgettable... Change the name.... Makes you sound like a fucking scholastic professor, instead of a wrestler and get a distinguishing characteristic....

BTW - The Fairgrounds show that SAW is putting on looks pretty badass. I'd get your tickets if I were you. I will be there, so ladies, bring extra changes of underpants....

the bro1869@yahoo.com

SAW TV Review : 12/4/2010

First off, I just want to thank SAW for fulfilling one of my wishes in life.... No, they didn't mickey-up a Dixie Carter, put her in a burlap sack and deliver her to my house - SADLY - .... However, they did show me what Jabba The Hut looked like as a child, and to that, I thank them and can check off one of the things I've been pondering since I was a kid.... You're probably asking yourself ' Bro, I know you partake in the imbibing of alcohol and you obviously write blogs, but when you mix the two, you make absolutely no fucking sense " ....

And, I'd agree, but if you watched this show, you'll know what I'm talking about.... There's this..... Ummmm..... Thing..... This big massive girth of fat walking around in a red shirt, who would walk up to the wrestlers, particularly Chase Stevens, and wave and try to get their attention.... Chase was smart and avoided it. Because, that thing wasn't waving to get Chase's attention for an autograph or a high five... No, it had a much sinister plot.... It wanted to ensnare Chase in one of the 45 fat rolls it had on it's bulbous body, capturing him until it could flee to an awaiting car, then put him in shackles while wearing a Princess Leia bikini and laughing while saying ' baba ju baba '......

at least that's what I was thinking....

That's my painting of the kid up above.... I'll take offers for purchase.... It's great, I know....

anyways, on to the show!

Michael Graham is a good announcer, however if I could make a suggestion, I'd keep him off camera time.... just have him announcing.... First, he grips the mic just under his mouth and caresses it, as if it's a huge dick he's about to go down on....

' But, Bro he's probably not gay ' ....

I'll give you that, I don't know him from Adam, however, he looks like a gay and caresses that mic like he thinks it's Adam Lambert's peen, so I'm just saying.... Plus, on TV he looks like he should be on my computer screen when I pull up sexual predators that live within my vicinity online.... I literally screamed ' Kids, run pedophile alert!!!!!!!!! ' in the direction of my kids, when he came on the screen, then they quickly reminded me that he was, IN FACT, on TV and not in my actual living room.... I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat off my brow....

First Match

Johnny Bandana Vs. BlackJack Brown

Match was nothing special.... Why do I say that? Easy... It ended with a Lariat.... A motherfucking Lariat, which let's face it, when performed by Blackjack Brown should just be called A Clothesline.... You can put a ' I love Pussy!!!! ' shirt on Bert and have three chicks clinging to his legs, begging for his penis, and he's still a huge gay.... Much like you can call that finishing move a lariat, but in fact, it was nothing more than a clothesline....

What can be said about Blackjack Brown.... Well, he dresses like a cowboy, but it's not very convincing.... In fact, his outfit of cowboy hat, chaps with tassles on them and cap guns, kinda makes him look like a 40 year old mentally challenged patient that goes to Walmart and rides the quarter-horse outside while shooting his capguns off screaming about ' indians '..... Most people would walk by and feign a smile like ' oh, isn't that cute, the retard thinks it's real.....' and the others would quickly usher their kids into the store, giving him casty-eye looks as he screams out ' hey kids, wanna see my bullrope?! ' ....

Johnny Bandana - Aptly named... He looks like my cousin, Ricky Morton, version 2.0 .... Bandanas wrapped around his calves and oversells everything like a mother.... I mean he wasn't bad, but when Blackjack beats you with a lariat, I mean, what am I supposed to type here?!

I loved the announcer during this match... He tried to explain why Blackjack Brown didn't look so physically impressive by saying he was ' country strong ' and that you wouldn't want to meet him in a back alley.... I laughed out loud, maniacally, when I heard that.... ' Wouldn't want to meet him in a back alley?! ' .... For real?! I'm pretty sure unless he drugged me or injected me with some kind of ' old man running ability ' serum, I could literally walk briskly past him if he was trying to come after me down a dark alley.... All while taunting him ' hey, you old fuck, you look ridiculous dressed like a goddamn cowboy at your age!!!! and cap guns?! WTF dude ?!?!?!? bwahahahahahahaha ' .... I mean, there's trying to explain things with certain wrestlers and then there's this....

Just be like ' Blackjack Brown doesn't look very physically imposing in the ring.... Because, well, he isn't.... But, he might lull you to sleep by thinking he's a mental invalid with a cowboy fetish and then hit you with a clothesline, which I will oversell as a lariat '.....

Sheesh... I'm really not sure how this match made it on TV.... As I stated previously.... Blackjack Brown won, with a Lariat....

Then it was time for the Dyanna Dawnn segment, which could quite possibly be put into contention for the ' Best/Worst moment in Nashville Television history ' and that's up against some stuff competition from Cable Access legend - Bat Poet.... Actually, check that, The Bat Poet - a grown man in a batman outfit, singing songs and doing skits which make absolutely no sense using stuffed animals - looks like Emmy Award winning material compared to anything with this bitch on it....

First of all, she has to be 95, at the youngest.... And she thinks she's going to be a HUGE country star... I don't like to crush dreams, but when you look like you literally just crawled out of a casket, I don't know if you got what it takes.... Call me crazy.... And look, we're all going to get old and die.... I get that, but whoever is putting her on TV and trying to push her dream of being a 'country music star ' , well you're a sick, disgusting person with no morality and no decency, and quite frankly, I think it's awesome....

It's a trainwreck you can't look away from.... When I said she looks like she crawled from the casket, it's not an overstatement.... She's wearing some crumpled red shirt.... her hair looks like Aunt Bea from ' Andy Griffith ' did it for her and her teeth, MY GOD, those ghastly teeth.... They looked like she not only crawled out of a casket, but she crawled through the dirt over the top of it, eating it along the way... They're all stained and gross looking.... Look like someone decided to play a trick on her and gave her a shit sammich to eat and she didn't brush her teeth....

And that, my friends, is the nice things I can say about her....

Because that singing.... You know, how they say when you hear a ' Banshee ' sing on the Irish moors, how someone is about to die.... Well, fuck the banshee, because when you hear her sing, she not only kills your ears, you'll wish you were dead afterwards.... It's just bad. Larry Goodman said it was 'karaoke bad', and he's a very sweet man, for saying that.... I literally have gone to karaoke, seen a guy get shit faced, fall face first on the stage, knock out three teeth, and continue to sing ' I'm Broken ' by Pantera and he carried a tune better than her, and all he did was mumble bumble through the song with his bloody mouth.....

She claims she has won singing competitions at Ihop and various other dining establishments and that's just sad.... And hilarious.... Because, what she's not telling you, is the fact those nights are the ' spaghetti suppers for the hearing and mentally impaired ' nights.....

It's just a beautiful disaster to see this on a wrestling show.... Add to that the computer generated background of falling white roses behind her and you have utter hilarity.... You know how people will say ' my shit smells like roses ' , being sarcastic because their shit stinks like mad... Well, the nashville wrestling scene can use a new saying now... ' your shit smells worse than dyanna dawns singing ' ....

And before you think I'm being overly mean, which I am, just check out her webpage.... http://www.imperial-rednecks.com/

Seriously, tell me that doesn't look like the type of woman that has a bunch of her porcelain dolls lined up in her living room with about twenty cats, and THAT is what she considers ' her concerts ' .....

And after that, I felt bad for Chase Stevens and Shane Williams.... I mean, how do you follow an act like that?!

Their match lasted, literally, the last 30 minutes of the show, because they had to run 5 commercial spots, each one of them reminding us about ' The Fight Before Christmas ' .... I mean, I heard that commercial so many times, I can tell you the who, what, when and where of this show, probably more than I could my own kids birth dates and the size of my penis.... I'm kidding, I can totally tell you the penis size..... the kids birth dates, that's a stretch.... I kid, I kid....

not really....

But, I guess the SAW marketing department knew what they were doing....

The match was very old school southern style match.... Which, was good, they both worked a good match and I've always been a fan of Chase Stevens.... He could literally walk to the ring, pull his tights down, take a shit, roll around in it, and cover it for a three count and I'd stand up and scream ' 4 stars! that's right... 4 star match... could'a been 5, but that shit couldn't work! ' ..... Shane Williams little persona of being ' The King ' is kinda funny and he plays it well. I liked it.... Good main event, although I would have shortened it and I definitely would have put on a better opening match than what we had....

Shane Williams won the match and then Derek King and Tommy Mercer took to the ring for a beatdown on Chase Stevens....

Not a bad show, especially with the main event... That was worth watching, but that first match.... The drizzling shits, would be a compliment.... I'd call it the ' explosive, scattershot, did I really eat THAT?!, it's raining shit ' shit....

And Dyanna Dawnn... Holy Fuck.... I'd literally pay money to see her on TV every week.... Equal parts, creepy, crappy and sad.... Makes for good TV....

thebro1869@yahoo.com

Instant TNA Impact Thoughts

These are my Instant TNA Impact thoughts....

- First off, it was good to see Jonathan Lipnicki sitting in the front row.... He looks like he hasn't aged in like ten years, since ' Jerry Maguire ' .... Like a preserved fetus in a glass jar... i.e. - like Jeremy Borash

- Secondly, I don't really give a shit about Douglas Williams and I think most people will echo these sentiments... I hardly doubt anyone is clamoring for Douglas Williams merchandise and what exactly would his merchandise be?! Exclusive French Cuffs for your oxford shirt?! Or just go with the ever classy Douglas Williams cufflinks.... Because, I'm assuming that's what his little movement is before he starts his match.... Buckling imaginary cuffs.... Either that or combined with the faces he makes entering the ring, one could assume he's stroking out.... If Douglas Williams and Ric Flair somehow made sweet, sweet love and produced a baby, it would strut around and make stroking out faces and people would swear, literally 24/7 that it was having an epileptic seizure.... It would be morbidly terrifying, yet I'd love to see that....

- Does Roode give Storm the wrong directions to the gym?! Because Roode looks like a goddamn man mountain rock and Storm looks like someone got a pile of flesh colored play-do and put a goofy cowboy hat on it.... Come on Storm, your bitch tits are bigger than Samoa Joe and at least Joe has a built in excuse.... Samoans are known for their man tittays.... Step your game up Storm, because even 16 year old ring rats in airbrushed t-shirts have standards.... On the bright side, you now have bigger tits than someone in the Knockouts division.... Sarita....

Speaking of...

- Sarita = The Mexican Edge with a Vagina tonight... STEALING the win from Madison Rayne....

- The Guest Ref is obviously going to screw Matt Morgan out of the title at the PPV.... It doesn't matter who it is.... This is grossly obvious.

- I really like this Robbie E guy.... Somewhere Disco Inferno is clutching his stained wifebeater and falling to his knees on his shag carpeted living room floor, while screaming out ' WHY COULDN'T I COME INTO WRESTLING NOWWWWWWW?! ' while thrusting his fists towards the heavens in pure anguish....

- I can't stress enough how I don't buy The Pope as a main eventer and would someone please explain the pimped out medical mask he's wearing?! WTF is that supposed to be?! ' POPE......IS..........PIMPING...... And...... Saving you from his communicable disease ' ..... Jarrett has been pretty money is his newfound heel role and that vignette with the kids last week was one of the most entertaining things on Impact in a year....

Mike Tenay looks so angry all the time…. Why is that?! I think he has everyone fooled…. Everyone thinks he’s some nice old man who thinks he’s in the 1920’s Vaudeville Era, getting dressed up to go to a play…. However, I can see in that face, an angry, bitter man…. One that probably goes home after smiling at everyone and saving cats from certain perils in trees, slamming the door and walking around the house in a stained wife beater, boxers, sock suspenders, sipping on a glass of brandy and yelling at his wife ‘ I’m the fucking professor, and I’m professing if you don’t get me some goddamn food, I’m going to show your face the reason they call me ‘ IRON ‘ Mike Tenay, got that bitch woman?! ‘ ….. All while kicking his family dog and looking over at a caged naked and dirty, Tony Schiavone wearing a shock collar and a ball gag who is given the leftovers from whatever Tenay doesn’t eat to sustain him until the next day.....

He looks like he should be arm wrestling Wink Martindale for game show hosting duties instead of calling a wrestling match…. I can’t support this any longer. It’s driving me insane….

‘ Iron ‘ Mike Tenay…. ‘ Professor ‘ Mike Tenay…. Whatever you want to call him, I suggest calling him ‘ Unemployed’ Mike Tenay, that has a nice ring to it…. His little flipping out instances, yelling at Taz and yelling at certain performers, hint of a man with pent up aggression and a danger to not only himself but to others… See, my Tony Schiavone and Ol’ Ball and Chain Tenay references above…. Maybe it’s the fact he’s balding, because I’ve heard balding men go through a mid life crisis, where they get angry and defiant…. I wouldn’t know with my beautiful mane, but that’s the story I’ve heard on the streets…. Or maybe he’s just a man made up on the inside of pure evil, poured there from Satan's tea pitcher of evil juice…. I don’t know…. All I know is I’m tired of seeing his angry potato head face on TV every Thursday yelling about some bullshit and informing me the last time a Michinoku Death Nerve Eye Gouge was used in a ring on a Thursday, during Half Tide in a leap year at precisely 8:23:12 p.m. In the year of our lord A.D. ….. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

Which should be Dixie Carter's battle cry when she fires him….

‘ But Dixie, people love me, I’m their wrestling genius grandfather at the announce table, this is not a good business decision ‘

That’s she stands up, preferably not clad in any clothing

And Scream out…

NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

And that’s when I’ll peek my head around the corner and raise an eyebrow and go ‘ Did someone say something about a Fuck?! ‘

As security tackles me to the ground while I’m screaming out…. ‘ I’m still 45 feet away goddammit!!!! 45 FEET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘

- Great job TNA booking team.... Great Job making us all care about the AJ Styles Vs. Douglas Williams... With weeks and weeks of pure emotional buildup between the two, I cannot wait to see the conclusion to this mepic, drama filled storyline that could go down as one of the most heated rivalries in sports entertainment today.... oh.... wait....