Open Letter to Jeff Jarret....

So this little link

Jarret Wants Another Tyson

was posted on Trent's message board this week here

and everyone has weighed in on the topic of whether Jeff was valid in his statement.... But, something else caught my eye in this article that left me scratching my head....

this little diddy, right here...

Jarrett on whether Angle has ever wanted to kill him: "Hmm. And vice versa too. Professionally, we're good. Personally, I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye."

That is the comment that caught my attention….

And, that’s why I have composed my letter to Jarrett….

Dearest, Jeff…. Jeffrey….. J-Bone….. J-Daddy….

Angle has every right to be pissed at you….

You stealing his wife and family, in the wrestling world…. Is akin to Salacious Crumb from ‘ Star Wars ‘ taking one of Jabba’s sex slaves and making her love him and leave Jabba’s side to get married to Salacious…. It’s akin to Andy from ‘ The Goonies ‘ leaving Brand and admitting her undying love for Chunk…. It’s akin to Marion Ravenwood leaving Indiana Jones and telling him she’s been fucking Sallah….

shit like that ain’t supposed to happen…..

Karen Angle leaving Kurt for you is like the hottest high school cheerleader, dating the star Quarterback, who then admits she’s been bangiong the waterboy, who so happens to be in a wheelchair on the sidelines who gets an authentic jersey, so he feels like a part of the team, even though he’s really not….

I just don’t get it…. How could you EVER have a problem with Angle…?!

How?!

That’s like winning the lottery and getting pissed that the Lottery commission won’t pay you the million dollars in quarters and nickels….

You should be on your knees thanking God….. Check That…. The Devil.... that he honored his contract with you when you sold your soul to him, in exchange for ‘ Karen Angel’s vag ‘ ….

you should be calling Angle up every weekday and going….

‘ Hey Bro, wanna come over and let me show you my senseless collection of Affliction shirts, hair dye boxes and Zima cases?! ….. We can play games too… I have monopoly and connect four…. I’m sure if I look harder, I can probably pull out a Pictionary box or ‘ Win Lose or Draw ‘ – The home edition - too…. We can eat some ritz crackers with a wide array of cheeses and deli meats and I’ll put it on a fancy tray…. You there, Kurt…. Hello, Kurt, you there?! …. ‘

Cue dialtone….

I’m just speechless that you would have the audacity to say that you have hard feelings with Angle….

This baffles me….

If I were Angle and Karen had told me she was leaving me for the Platinum Playboy, I would have quickly sat her down and made her watch the video of you losing to Chyna and then quickly put in my countless videos of me winning The World Heavyweight Championship or defending it successfully…..

And then look at her and go ‘ Really?! …. You’re leaving THAT for a guy who lost to a girl, A GIRL, while wrestling in an outfit that looked like he got into a fatal four way with Freddy Krueger, Edward Scissorhands and Wolverine?!.... Really?! ‘

And then I would have farted in her face and said ‘ enjoy that smell, because that’s what you’re leaving me for…. shit in the wind! ‘

I got nothing personal against you, Jarrett, you deserves your place in Wrestling History…. Whatever that may be, when it’s all said and done…. But, no one…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONE, will ever try to justify you being anywhere near Angle in the Wrestling hierarchy….. In fact, you could be on top of Wrestlings Lookout Mountain and look out using the viewer and not be able to see Angle from your Wrestling history perch…. You could probably see people like Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Horace Hogan, but trying to see Angle, would be like you going to the REAL Lookout Mountain and trying to see California….

So, Jarrett, please shut the hell up and just enjoy the fruits of your smarmy, back handed and shitty man jerk antics of stealing another man’s wife and keep your mouth shut…..

And to tee off on the comment that everyone else has, about ‘ Wrestling needing another Tyson ‘ … I will say this….

Wrestling doesn’t need another Tyson or another ‘ Pop Culture Sensation ‘ Crossover….

I mean, haven’t you learned from your past mistakes?! You recently had, arguably the biggest star on the biggest reality show on television…. And how did those ratings turn out for you?!

Wrestling, like it has in the past, just needs a reinvention of the product…. In the 80’s you had the incredibly cheesy and over the top characters, then it died out…. In the late 90’s and early 2000’s you had the attitude era with characters that were more based in reality and that fizzled out….

Wrestling is cyclical…. So, instead of trying to find the newest fad or flavor of the month, try looking at your product and reinventing it…..

But, if that fails, and I’m sure it will, because either you’re just mentally retarded or the platinum dye has soaked past your skull and seeped into your brain… I hear that Alf, Spuds McKenzie and The ‘ Wassup ‘ Guys are still looking for work and can probably be had on the cheap….. Maybe that will help you with the BIG ‘ Pop Culture ‘ Splash….

I mean, let’s be honest here…. You guys spent A LOT of money, for what I would consider the biggest figure in Wrestling/Pop Culture history – Hulk Hogan – and what did he do for you guys?! Establish that massive and awe-inspiring 1.2 ratings mark that you’ve consistently had for months?! Give me a break…. TNA/Wrestling needs a reinvention, not a rehash of something, that I would argue didn’t cause THAT many people to buy Wrestlemania 14 anyways, it was more the drama between Stone Cold, DX and McMahon that garnered much of that interest to begin with……

Anyways, good luck with everything.... You know, collecting affliction and ed hardy tshirts, finding the hottest bejeweled jeans and trying to be relevant in the wrestling business...

thebro1869@yahoo.com

Coming Up In A Few Days - My Wrestling Resolutions For The New Year