The TNA Top Ten Championship Rankings......

This is my breakdown of the TNA Top Ten Championship Rankings....

10. Rob Terry – Why is he even in a top 20? The guy is worthless…. The only top ten he should be in is “ The top ten wrestlers who have Rod Stewart haircuts and who have the least intimidating ring attire “ …. The Union Jack…. Oh man!

“ Everybody run for the hills!!!! Save yourself, it’s the flag of one of the most peaceful nations on the planetttttttt!!!!!! “

Cue shrieking and running with gnashing of teeth…. Then a sudden stop and realization of what was just said…..

This guy is actually more of a black hole of personality and charisma than Dixie Carter…. If these two stood side by side, it would form a supernova and the world would be sucked into it, thus ending our existence… There’s a reason these two have never been on screen together…. The Large Haldron Collider has nothing on these two put together….

My parents always told me, NEVER trust a man with a first name as a last name….. They didn’t account for “ don’t ever trust a man with a last name that’s a females first name “ ….

The dude’s just a big fagbag….. Can’t stand him….

9. The Pope – I don’t know, he’s just “ alright “ to me…. I never bought into the TNA announcers hype of “ He’s the New Rock! “ …. I mean…. This goes back to my original theory that Taz is watching a whole other broadcast at the table…. Because he had to be watching 1999 Raw re-runs and actually seen the Rock on a raw telecast at the exact same time The Pope was coming to the ring…. “ He’s the new Rock! “ …. Mike Tenay just shakes his head and gives him a disgusted look….

That… He’s not….

I would like to use his chest hair to clean those hard to remove stains from my dishes in the sink….. Those things look very abrasive and bristly!

I can see Don West hocking the “ Pope’s Dish Scrubbing Pads! … made with The Pope’s REAL chest pubicles!!!! “ If you order that and 10 TNA DVD’s, you’ll get a replica James Storm airbrushed cowboy hat and a copy of the court order from one of his 25 ringrats who now have a restraining order against him too! ACT NOW!

He’s serviceable, don’t get me wrong…. He’s got talent…. But…. He’s just not very interesting and I don’t know if it’s his fault or TNA’s…. Because he’s given us NO reason to care about him…. NONE…. Even when he feuded with AJ, did you really pull for him or just pull against AJ? Think about it…. Everyone raves and raves about his promos and everytime I hear one, I’m like “ for real? This is it? “ …. Which is similar to what happens when I unzip my pants for the ladies... So, I guess I should have some sympathy for him…. Pope to number 1!!!!!!

I kid, I kid….

Especially about the penis thing....

8. Kurt Angle – I like Kurt Angle… always have…. And I think I love him even more now after all the drama with Jarrett…. How could you not personally pull for this guy… It’s much like my love for Matt Hardy is a way…. Guys that have been wronged by dastardly and conniving vaginas have to stick together!!!! And he’s a Republican, hello?! So he must be a smart guy…. Plus, the guy can still wrestle like no one’s business…. And I hate that term “ no one’s business “ …. But, I don’t mind pulling it out for him…..

I’d probably anger some people when I say this, but Angle is TNA’s top star…. How he is NOT always around the main event is a mystery to me….

However, I do not like the Mouthpieces…. Or the entrance theme….. But then again, I’ve always hated EVERY TNA entrance theme, besides Mr. Andersons, and I’ve never been a fan of mouthpieces…. So, all that is negligible…. Why the distaste of mouthpieces?! Simple….The words " mouth " and " piece " should never be put together, in any way,shape or form when it comes to anything male...

7. Hernandez – Any man who wears Jean Shorts and who is below the age of 40 and doesn’t have the last name “ Austin “ should never , EVER, be in contention for a championship, unless it’s the ball licking championship….. All he needs is a pair of neon color crocks and socks and he’d be my dad….. Only my dad is cooler, because he has two names….

Hernandez…. So unforgettable his mother forgot to give him a first name

He’ll never crack the top 5…. So, let’s stop wasting our time here….

6. AJ Styles – Always loved AJ since day one…. I’m sure there’s some video on the net somewhere of Myself and Doug, from back in the Heel Section days, going crazy on the front row when AJ finally beat Jarrett for the belt…. The guy is an awesome wrestler and his character, I think personally, has gotten a lot better over time…. His mic skills are way improved and he just carries himself like a main eventer now….

My grandfather used to tell me “ you can get anywhere in life with your head held high and a confident walk…. “ and that’s what AJ does now… He looks like he belongs with the upper echelon…. Of course, when I tried to walk into a titty bar at the age of 16 with a confident walk and smile, it didn’t really wind up well for me… But, I digress….. The next time I try that confident walk and smile, it’ll definitely be at a more upscale titty bar, than one that serves an all you can eat BBQ buffet…. That’s where I went wrong…. It’s like that old joke…. “ Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! “….. Only there, it’s more like “ Waiter, there’s a pubic hair on my ribs! “ ….. And they’d just like at you like “ so?! “ …..

And, in a way, that’s what AJ is now…. A curly pube stuck on the ribs at an all you can eat BBQ buffet at a titty bar.... Because he looks like he belongs now and he does…. Just like that curly pubicle ……

5. Jay Lethal – He gets the big “ Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “ from me….. You know that generic wrestler you get with every wrestling game that you can mold into whatever character you want to create? You can give him attributes from several wrestlers to make him act like them and do their moves?!

Yeah, Jay Lethal is the real life version of that….

He’s forgettable and generic as himself…..

But, choose Macho Man or Ric Flair to be his “ wrestler persona “ and he’s instantly pretty awesome….

Then you hit the X button and the personas disappear and it’s just generic wrestler with generic tights and generic ring music….You quickly hit the Y button and there he is again…. Acting and dressing like Ric Flair and Macho Man and you’re like “ ahhhhhh, all better now…. Pass the cheetos! “

4. Samoa Joe – Well, I guess he’s not number 4 anymore after being suspended for having a bad attitude….. IN WRESTLING…..

That’s akin to being suspended from a titty bar for being a whore... And yes…. Today is “ Use titty bar for an analogy day “ …..

I don’t get it…. I really don’t… This is just another example of why TNA, at this moment in time, is lost….

Samoa Joe is one of the best wrestlers on the roster. PERIOD… His whole gimmick is “ Angry Samoa Joe “ …. And he gets suspended for being in a bad mood….

Who runs TNA?! Tony Robbins?! “ You’re not allowed to be in a bad mood… think positively!!! Positive, positive, positive!!!! “

No….

I’d be in a bad mood if I was Joe too working with these bunch of dingleberries….

3. Mr. Anderson – Simple… This won’t take long….

Give him the belt now!!!!!!

Way better and much more of a star than RVD or anyone else right now in TNA…. Strike while the iron is hot…. The fans love him right now, sadly…. And he’s riding a wave of momentum…. But….. knowing TNA, they’ll give him the belt in three months…. After his popularity has died down, probably due to the fact they made him say “ asshole “ so many times it’s become ineffective….

I had a grandfather who had dementia… And everytime I walked in the door, he’d shout out ‘ you fucker! “ …. Which is the same reception I get from a few exes, but not from a family member!!!... I laughed and enjoyed this for awhile, because it was neat….. After awhile though, it just got annoying….

Much like a kid when they say there first cuss word… You laugh…. Then they laugh and say it again… you’re still laughing….. they continue laughing, then say it again and you stop laughing, look at them with a straight face and are like “ stop… seriously “ …..

This is the way the asshole thing is going…. Stop… Seriously…. And the fans are not helping you out…. They act just like those adolescent kids….. They chant " asshole ", then giggle while nibbling on their fingertips, like they just got away with the greatest thing ever…..

Anyways, give the belt to Mr Anderson….

Now….

2. Jeff Hardy – Why is he even in a top whatever?! … You’d have to be either drunk or high to give a guy like this the belt….

Which means, I fully expect him to hold the belt in 12 hours…..

He has to be the most unreliable and risky person to ever be considered to wear the belt….

How embarrassing would it be for TNA to crown him champion, then he goes out to celebrate later, with the belt, gets picked up for another drug related charge and his mugshot, is him, with makeup streaking down his face, hair all disheveled, shirt torn asunder, but in a way that makes sense to him, and on his shoulder….. the TNA World Championship Belt…. Talk about bad publicity…. Then, you couldn’t get the belt back until he got out of jail, because it’s police property…. You see, what a logisitical nightmare this is….

And how awesome that would be!?

On second thought, GIVE HARDY THE BELT, point him down a back alley and give him 20 dollars in unmarked bills….

Plus, Jeff is getting fat…. Someone pass him along the memo that you’re not supposed to eat the drugs, preferably you snort, shoot or smoke them….

1. Abyss – Do we really have to go over this….. He’s horrible…. From his theme, to his outfit, to his persona…..

But he is aptly named…. Abyss…. The Abyss of talent…. The Abyss of entertainment….. The Abyss of straightness….. The Abyss of contendership…..

And why is he always wet?! Is he literally called the Abyss because of that movie with Ed Harris where he emerges from the oceans depth to wrestle?! Is someone watering him down to put out his “ flame “ ? Is he THAT sweaty? Is his penis inverted, like that scene from the Goonies and he gets nervous everytime he comes to the ring, but instead of pissing his pants, he just pisses all over himself…. Probably going “ WEEEEEEEEEEE “ and smiling as he does it…..

I’ve never liked him and find him incredibly lame…. Always will… He’s always reminded me of what would have happened if Kane and Mick Foley were the stars of that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie with Danny Devito where Arnold has a baby…… Only Kane has a baby and it’s his and Mick’s…. you’d get Abyss……

You know, minus ANY talent…..

Like this blog…. Boom!

P.S. - Found a video of me and doug, just not celebrating AJ Styles.... We were celebrating the return of Shane Fuggin' Douglas.... Watch me shoot the Triple Threat sign into the camera.... with such emotion... haha

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