Open Letter to Jeff Jarret....

So this little link

Jarret Wants Another Tyson

was posted on Trent's message board this week here

and everyone has weighed in on the topic of whether Jeff was valid in his statement.... But, something else caught my eye in this article that left me scratching my head....

this little diddy, right here...

Jarrett on whether Angle has ever wanted to kill him: "Hmm. And vice versa too. Professionally, we're good. Personally, I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye."

That is the comment that caught my attention….

And, that’s why I have composed my letter to Jarrett….

Dearest, Jeff…. Jeffrey….. J-Bone….. J-Daddy….

Angle has every right to be pissed at you….

You stealing his wife and family, in the wrestling world…. Is akin to Salacious Crumb from ‘ Star Wars ‘ taking one of Jabba’s sex slaves and making her love him and leave Jabba’s side to get married to Salacious…. It’s akin to Andy from ‘ The Goonies ‘ leaving Brand and admitting her undying love for Chunk…. It’s akin to Marion Ravenwood leaving Indiana Jones and telling him she’s been fucking Sallah….

shit like that ain’t supposed to happen…..

Karen Angle leaving Kurt for you is like the hottest high school cheerleader, dating the star Quarterback, who then admits she’s been bangiong the waterboy, who so happens to be in a wheelchair on the sidelines who gets an authentic jersey, so he feels like a part of the team, even though he’s really not….

I just don’t get it…. How could you EVER have a problem with Angle…?!

How?!

That’s like winning the lottery and getting pissed that the Lottery commission won’t pay you the million dollars in quarters and nickels….

You should be on your knees thanking God….. Check That…. The Devil.... that he honored his contract with you when you sold your soul to him, in exchange for ‘ Karen Angel’s vag ‘ ….

you should be calling Angle up every weekday and going….

‘ Hey Bro, wanna come over and let me show you my senseless collection of Affliction shirts, hair dye boxes and Zima cases?! ….. We can play games too… I have monopoly and connect four…. I’m sure if I look harder, I can probably pull out a Pictionary box or ‘ Win Lose or Draw ‘ – The home edition - too…. We can eat some ritz crackers with a wide array of cheeses and deli meats and I’ll put it on a fancy tray…. You there, Kurt…. Hello, Kurt, you there?! …. ‘

Cue dialtone….

I’m just speechless that you would have the audacity to say that you have hard feelings with Angle….

This baffles me….

If I were Angle and Karen had told me she was leaving me for the Platinum Playboy, I would have quickly sat her down and made her watch the video of you losing to Chyna and then quickly put in my countless videos of me winning The World Heavyweight Championship or defending it successfully…..

And then look at her and go ‘ Really?! …. You’re leaving THAT for a guy who lost to a girl, A GIRL, while wrestling in an outfit that looked like he got into a fatal four way with Freddy Krueger, Edward Scissorhands and Wolverine?!.... Really?! ‘

And then I would have farted in her face and said ‘ enjoy that smell, because that’s what you’re leaving me for…. shit in the wind! ‘

I got nothing personal against you, Jarrett, you deserves your place in Wrestling History…. Whatever that may be, when it’s all said and done…. But, no one…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ONE, will ever try to justify you being anywhere near Angle in the Wrestling hierarchy….. In fact, you could be on top of Wrestlings Lookout Mountain and look out using the viewer and not be able to see Angle from your Wrestling history perch…. You could probably see people like Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Horace Hogan, but trying to see Angle, would be like you going to the REAL Lookout Mountain and trying to see California….

So, Jarrett, please shut the hell up and just enjoy the fruits of your smarmy, back handed and shitty man jerk antics of stealing another man’s wife and keep your mouth shut…..

And to tee off on the comment that everyone else has, about ‘ Wrestling needing another Tyson ‘ … I will say this….

Wrestling doesn’t need another Tyson or another ‘ Pop Culture Sensation ‘ Crossover….

I mean, haven’t you learned from your past mistakes?! You recently had, arguably the biggest star on the biggest reality show on television…. And how did those ratings turn out for you?!

Wrestling, like it has in the past, just needs a reinvention of the product…. In the 80’s you had the incredibly cheesy and over the top characters, then it died out…. In the late 90’s and early 2000’s you had the attitude era with characters that were more based in reality and that fizzled out….

Wrestling is cyclical…. So, instead of trying to find the newest fad or flavor of the month, try looking at your product and reinventing it…..

But, if that fails, and I’m sure it will, because either you’re just mentally retarded or the platinum dye has soaked past your skull and seeped into your brain… I hear that Alf, Spuds McKenzie and The ‘ Wassup ‘ Guys are still looking for work and can probably be had on the cheap….. Maybe that will help you with the BIG ‘ Pop Culture ‘ Splash….

I mean, let’s be honest here…. You guys spent A LOT of money, for what I would consider the biggest figure in Wrestling/Pop Culture history – Hulk Hogan – and what did he do for you guys?! Establish that massive and awe-inspiring 1.2 ratings mark that you’ve consistently had for months?! Give me a break…. TNA/Wrestling needs a reinvention, not a rehash of something, that I would argue didn’t cause THAT many people to buy Wrestlemania 14 anyways, it was more the drama between Stone Cold, DX and McMahon that garnered much of that interest to begin with……

Anyways, good luck with everything.... You know, collecting affliction and ed hardy tshirts, finding the hottest bejeweled jeans and trying to be relevant in the wrestling business...

thebro1869@yahoo.com

Coming Up In A Few Days - My Wrestling Resolutions For The New Year

SAW TV REVIEW - 12/18/2010

Yes, I'm back! Everyone's favorite SAW TV reviewer, not named Larry Goodman, is here.... Much to the delight of allllll the ladies and much to the chagrin of SAW.....

I'll start off the report with a positive.... This show was better than the last one I reviewed.... See below for that review of a trainwreck of freight cars filled with burning human feces.... This week we were treated to no Blackjack Brown or extended Dyanna Dawnn segments. Luckily, I heard the Government has taken those tapes and are now using them as a new form of torture against terrorists. Instead of waterboarding them or using any other ' inhumane ' forms of torture, they now just show SAW TV tapes featuring Blackjack Brown and Dyanna Dawn.... I heard it's highly effective... Within 2 minutes, they're screaming ' I tell you everything. just stop making me watch this madness.... fat old man dressed up like cowboy, then fat old man dress up like woman country singer.... this is pure madness! I surrender my secrets, just hit stop! ' .... Look, I got nothing against them both, but if I want my wrestling TV show to be taken seriously, they never make it on.... You showcase your best on Tv, leave those two clowns for the local people to see at the shows.... It's like me walking into a bar, spotting a hot milf, buying her a drink and going ' did I tell you I love Star Wars, Professional Wrestling, Comic Books and action figures?! ' ..... That does nothing for me.... Instead I walk up to her and I go ' did you hear my penis is the size of a baby elephants snout?! ' .... and then she's ready for the show.... But, enough about them.... Moving on....

We get to see the returning Leah Hulan from Grumpy's Bail Bonds in a Santa Outfit that shows off her wonderful tits.... I wonder if those things produce Egg Nog this time of year... Tis' the season!

Now, on to the review...

Changing it up this week....

I'm just going to key in on the good and bad parts of the show.... Because, let's face it here, if you want a GREAT review of the show, we'll just wait on Larry Goodman's post.... Until then, let's key off on the madness of my review.... The good will be called ' The Shit! ' and the bad will be called ' Awwww Shit '

The Shit -

Paul Adams - Anytime this man is on my TV, it usually equals money.... In fact, his nickname should be ATM, because anytime the dude is on a show, you can guarantee you can bank on pure money in his performance. He's made holding a towel cool again. Somewhere Jerry Tarkanian watches his wielding of a towel and a tear runs down his face at the justice that Paul Adams gives this underrated prop piece.

Kid Kash - What's there to say about this guy?! He's a pro through and through. I think Kash should just start a company called ' Replacement Badass ' and you could just hire him on a daily basis to be your personal badass.... Your boss taking advantage of you in the workplace and you don't have the balls to say no?! Well then hire Kid Kash as your replacement badass and watch the carnage ensue....

Boss - ' Hey, I need you to work over tonight, gotta have those reports due ASAP '

You - ' Ummm ok.... i guess ' as you start sweating nervously

Kid Kash comes out from under your desk

Kash - ' Hey asshole, my boy here isn't working over, he isn't going to do your goddamn reports and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it... in fact, we're leaving now and we're gonna go to your house, he's gonna record me banging your wife, then we're gonna drink your top shelf shit and if you're lucky, he'll flush after he dumps a loaf in your toilet before leaving '

Boss - ' Who are you?! '

Kash - ' I'm Kid Motherfuggin' Kash.... Replacement Badass '

Then have some cool catchy-voiced ladies singing ' Kid Kash - Replacement BadAss '

I think that's money.... Because, the dude is pretty intimidating...

He brought out Reno Riggins and promised him that he would find the ' asshole ' and ' piece of shit ' who stole the equipment and tapes from the show a few weeks back and ' choke them out '

I nervously look over at my boxes of SAW tapes postmarked to ' America's Funniest Home Videos ' laugh nervously, then start sweating, rubbing my neck, going ' goddammit! I don't wanna get choked out! '

Jeff Daniels - Yes, ' Macho Man Legs ' made a surprise appearance on the show and attacked Hammerjack.... I love Jeff Daniels.... He's the best promo man in the Nashville market and has been for years. I also love how he's like a genetic experiment gone wrong.... He's like ' The 6 Million Dollar Man ' , only in this show... They took Macho Man Randy Savages legs and mixed them up with Vince Neil's Hair and Headband from Motley Crue and then you get Jeff Daniels.... He's also tied into the ' awwww shit ' list down below, but nothing he did caused it

Leah Hulan - Ahhhhhhh, this lady literally makes me want to commit a crime, just so I can call her to bail me out.... Which, totally defeats the purpose of the commercials, but GOOD GOD! man.... She was dressed in her Santa outfit, with her tits literally popping out, promoting the fact that Grumpy's was sponsoring the SAW Christmas Show and every kid that comes gets a present.... This had me going through my closet, feverishly looking for my ' Dukes of Hazzard ' footie pajamas from 1985 and hoping they still fit, so I could go down there, try to pass myself off as a kid and get to sit on her lap and tell her what I want for Christmas, which would have been a combination of the following

1. her tits
2. my peen
3. silly putty
4. elmers glue
5. pool stick
6. electrical tape
7. a pack of pork rinds

David Young - He wrestled Vordell Walker on the show, which I often called ' Nashville's Maven ' since he looks just like him, but I digress... I've always liked David Young. Never understood how he didn't get a bigger push in TNA, during the earlier years.... He had the best Spinebuster outside of Arn Anderson, and honestly, he was probably better at it than him in his prime.... He came out wearing a muscle body suit, because Paul Adams had said that he was Young's new ' lifecoach ' and he has been hitting the gym hard recently....

It was a pretty funny look. But, I'm all for David Young having that gigantic - mid term - baby stomach.... I've always thought it would have been awesome had Young cut a promo saying how he does the spinebuster better than Arn and that he was tired of everyone correlating Arn with the Spinebuster instead of him, so he was changing the name to ' Gutbuster Supreme ' and then everytime, before he hit it.... He would rub his belly, much like Booker does the ' 5 time ' and Cena does the ' U Can't See Me ' before they hit their moves....

I've said many times that in the Dead Sea Scrolls, there's a part about how David Young, at the end of the world, was going to go around destroying everyone and sending their souls to either heaven or hell.... If he met you and you were going to heaven, you got to rub his belly and feel the unborn messiah kick..... If you were going to hell, well he'd just hit you with a spinebuster that would crack the earth's crust and send you straight to beelzebub.... David Young, the pregnant member of the 4 Horsemen of the apocalypse.....

The ' Awwwww Shit '

Rick Santel - I like Santel, but tonight on the show, he looked like the Mexican Bo Bice and trust me you clowns, The American Bo Bice is nothing you'd want to emulate your look after either.... He went from looking like ' Lo-Pan ' in 'Big Trouble in Little China ' to looking like the Spanish Version of A Runner-Up on American Idol.... However, I can't fault him. He has a hot piece of ass with him.... I did laugh at a closeup of him, hitting Vordell Walker when he was tossed from the ring.... It clearly showed Santel with his hand on Vordell's head and then taking his other hand and hitting his the hand on Walker's head.... Then they quickly switched camera views....

Vince Gill - Look, I'm all about time traveling and some 1995 Vince Gill, but please Reno, get the delorean filled up with some plutonium, and take Vince Gill who was holding the mic for you and Kash and quickly take him back to where you found him.... Probably Amy Grant's bedroom.... While a drunken Gary Chapman was passed out downstairs with a bottle of scotch listening to ' I Still Believe in You '

Michael Graham - Oh man..... When Jeff Daniels hit the ring to attack Hammerjack, Michael Graham repeatedly, after various closeups on Jeff Daniels, kept repeating about how he had no idea who this ' unknown assailant ' was.... Somewhere, Stevie Wonder is screaming from his couch ' Even I know that's Jeff Fucking Daniels, idiot! ' .... He was probably just following script, but good lord.... Who ok'd that?! He's arguably one of the best known Tennessee indy wrestlers in the last ten to fifteen years and this j-brone is acting like he's Shane Eden in paternity court screaming ' i don't know who dis' bitch is! ' .....

Sigmon - Decent wrestler.... Actually he's above decent.... But, he looks like the dude at my company working in the IT department.... He needs a new look. Something that distinguishes him.... Like I said, he's a good wrestler, but totally forgettable... Change the name.... Makes you sound like a fucking scholastic professor, instead of a wrestler and get a distinguishing characteristic....

BTW - The Fairgrounds show that SAW is putting on looks pretty badass. I'd get your tickets if I were you. I will be there, so ladies, bring extra changes of underpants....

the bro1869@yahoo.com

SAW TV Review : 12/4/2010

First off, I just want to thank SAW for fulfilling one of my wishes in life.... No, they didn't mickey-up a Dixie Carter, put her in a burlap sack and deliver her to my house - SADLY - .... However, they did show me what Jabba The Hut looked like as a child, and to that, I thank them and can check off one of the things I've been pondering since I was a kid.... You're probably asking yourself ' Bro, I know you partake in the imbibing of alcohol and you obviously write blogs, but when you mix the two, you make absolutely no fucking sense " ....

And, I'd agree, but if you watched this show, you'll know what I'm talking about.... There's this..... Ummmm..... Thing..... This big massive girth of fat walking around in a red shirt, who would walk up to the wrestlers, particularly Chase Stevens, and wave and try to get their attention.... Chase was smart and avoided it. Because, that thing wasn't waving to get Chase's attention for an autograph or a high five... No, it had a much sinister plot.... It wanted to ensnare Chase in one of the 45 fat rolls it had on it's bulbous body, capturing him until it could flee to an awaiting car, then put him in shackles while wearing a Princess Leia bikini and laughing while saying ' baba ju baba '......

at least that's what I was thinking....

That's my painting of the kid up above.... I'll take offers for purchase.... It's great, I know....

anyways, on to the show!

Michael Graham is a good announcer, however if I could make a suggestion, I'd keep him off camera time.... just have him announcing.... First, he grips the mic just under his mouth and caresses it, as if it's a huge dick he's about to go down on....

' But, Bro he's probably not gay ' ....

I'll give you that, I don't know him from Adam, however, he looks like a gay and caresses that mic like he thinks it's Adam Lambert's peen, so I'm just saying.... Plus, on TV he looks like he should be on my computer screen when I pull up sexual predators that live within my vicinity online.... I literally screamed ' Kids, run pedophile alert!!!!!!!!! ' in the direction of my kids, when he came on the screen, then they quickly reminded me that he was, IN FACT, on TV and not in my actual living room.... I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat off my brow....

First Match

Johnny Bandana Vs. BlackJack Brown

Match was nothing special.... Why do I say that? Easy... It ended with a Lariat.... A motherfucking Lariat, which let's face it, when performed by Blackjack Brown should just be called A Clothesline.... You can put a ' I love Pussy!!!! ' shirt on Bert and have three chicks clinging to his legs, begging for his penis, and he's still a huge gay.... Much like you can call that finishing move a lariat, but in fact, it was nothing more than a clothesline....

What can be said about Blackjack Brown.... Well, he dresses like a cowboy, but it's not very convincing.... In fact, his outfit of cowboy hat, chaps with tassles on them and cap guns, kinda makes him look like a 40 year old mentally challenged patient that goes to Walmart and rides the quarter-horse outside while shooting his capguns off screaming about ' indians '..... Most people would walk by and feign a smile like ' oh, isn't that cute, the retard thinks it's real.....' and the others would quickly usher their kids into the store, giving him casty-eye looks as he screams out ' hey kids, wanna see my bullrope?! ' ....

Johnny Bandana - Aptly named... He looks like my cousin, Ricky Morton, version 2.0 .... Bandanas wrapped around his calves and oversells everything like a mother.... I mean he wasn't bad, but when Blackjack beats you with a lariat, I mean, what am I supposed to type here?!

I loved the announcer during this match... He tried to explain why Blackjack Brown didn't look so physically impressive by saying he was ' country strong ' and that you wouldn't want to meet him in a back alley.... I laughed out loud, maniacally, when I heard that.... ' Wouldn't want to meet him in a back alley?! ' .... For real?! I'm pretty sure unless he drugged me or injected me with some kind of ' old man running ability ' serum, I could literally walk briskly past him if he was trying to come after me down a dark alley.... All while taunting him ' hey, you old fuck, you look ridiculous dressed like a goddamn cowboy at your age!!!! and cap guns?! WTF dude ?!?!?!? bwahahahahahahaha ' .... I mean, there's trying to explain things with certain wrestlers and then there's this....

Just be like ' Blackjack Brown doesn't look very physically imposing in the ring.... Because, well, he isn't.... But, he might lull you to sleep by thinking he's a mental invalid with a cowboy fetish and then hit you with a clothesline, which I will oversell as a lariat '.....

Sheesh... I'm really not sure how this match made it on TV.... As I stated previously.... Blackjack Brown won, with a Lariat....

Then it was time for the Dyanna Dawnn segment, which could quite possibly be put into contention for the ' Best/Worst moment in Nashville Television history ' and that's up against some stuff competition from Cable Access legend - Bat Poet.... Actually, check that, The Bat Poet - a grown man in a batman outfit, singing songs and doing skits which make absolutely no sense using stuffed animals - looks like Emmy Award winning material compared to anything with this bitch on it....

First of all, she has to be 95, at the youngest.... And she thinks she's going to be a HUGE country star... I don't like to crush dreams, but when you look like you literally just crawled out of a casket, I don't know if you got what it takes.... Call me crazy.... And look, we're all going to get old and die.... I get that, but whoever is putting her on TV and trying to push her dream of being a 'country music star ' , well you're a sick, disgusting person with no morality and no decency, and quite frankly, I think it's awesome....

It's a trainwreck you can't look away from.... When I said she looks like she crawled from the casket, it's not an overstatement.... She's wearing some crumpled red shirt.... her hair looks like Aunt Bea from ' Andy Griffith ' did it for her and her teeth, MY GOD, those ghastly teeth.... They looked like she not only crawled out of a casket, but she crawled through the dirt over the top of it, eating it along the way... They're all stained and gross looking.... Look like someone decided to play a trick on her and gave her a shit sammich to eat and she didn't brush her teeth....

And that, my friends, is the nice things I can say about her....

Because that singing.... You know, how they say when you hear a ' Banshee ' sing on the Irish moors, how someone is about to die.... Well, fuck the banshee, because when you hear her sing, she not only kills your ears, you'll wish you were dead afterwards.... It's just bad. Larry Goodman said it was 'karaoke bad', and he's a very sweet man, for saying that.... I literally have gone to karaoke, seen a guy get shit faced, fall face first on the stage, knock out three teeth, and continue to sing ' I'm Broken ' by Pantera and he carried a tune better than her, and all he did was mumble bumble through the song with his bloody mouth.....

She claims she has won singing competitions at Ihop and various other dining establishments and that's just sad.... And hilarious.... Because, what she's not telling you, is the fact those nights are the ' spaghetti suppers for the hearing and mentally impaired ' nights.....

It's just a beautiful disaster to see this on a wrestling show.... Add to that the computer generated background of falling white roses behind her and you have utter hilarity.... You know how people will say ' my shit smells like roses ' , being sarcastic because their shit stinks like mad... Well, the nashville wrestling scene can use a new saying now... ' your shit smells worse than dyanna dawns singing ' ....

And before you think I'm being overly mean, which I am, just check out her webpage.... http://www.imperial-rednecks.com/

Seriously, tell me that doesn't look like the type of woman that has a bunch of her porcelain dolls lined up in her living room with about twenty cats, and THAT is what she considers ' her concerts ' .....

And after that, I felt bad for Chase Stevens and Shane Williams.... I mean, how do you follow an act like that?!

Their match lasted, literally, the last 30 minutes of the show, because they had to run 5 commercial spots, each one of them reminding us about ' The Fight Before Christmas ' .... I mean, I heard that commercial so many times, I can tell you the who, what, when and where of this show, probably more than I could my own kids birth dates and the size of my penis.... I'm kidding, I can totally tell you the penis size..... the kids birth dates, that's a stretch.... I kid, I kid....

not really....

But, I guess the SAW marketing department knew what they were doing....

The match was very old school southern style match.... Which, was good, they both worked a good match and I've always been a fan of Chase Stevens.... He could literally walk to the ring, pull his tights down, take a shit, roll around in it, and cover it for a three count and I'd stand up and scream ' 4 stars! that's right... 4 star match... could'a been 5, but that shit couldn't work! ' ..... Shane Williams little persona of being ' The King ' is kinda funny and he plays it well. I liked it.... Good main event, although I would have shortened it and I definitely would have put on a better opening match than what we had....

Shane Williams won the match and then Derek King and Tommy Mercer took to the ring for a beatdown on Chase Stevens....

Not a bad show, especially with the main event... That was worth watching, but that first match.... The drizzling shits, would be a compliment.... I'd call it the ' explosive, scattershot, did I really eat THAT?!, it's raining shit ' shit....

And Dyanna Dawnn... Holy Fuck.... I'd literally pay money to see her on TV every week.... Equal parts, creepy, crappy and sad.... Makes for good TV....

thebro1869@yahoo.com

Instant TNA Impact Thoughts

These are my Instant TNA Impact thoughts....

- First off, it was good to see Jonathan Lipnicki sitting in the front row.... He looks like he hasn't aged in like ten years, since ' Jerry Maguire ' .... Like a preserved fetus in a glass jar... i.e. - like Jeremy Borash

- Secondly, I don't really give a shit about Douglas Williams and I think most people will echo these sentiments... I hardly doubt anyone is clamoring for Douglas Williams merchandise and what exactly would his merchandise be?! Exclusive French Cuffs for your oxford shirt?! Or just go with the ever classy Douglas Williams cufflinks.... Because, I'm assuming that's what his little movement is before he starts his match.... Buckling imaginary cuffs.... Either that or combined with the faces he makes entering the ring, one could assume he's stroking out.... If Douglas Williams and Ric Flair somehow made sweet, sweet love and produced a baby, it would strut around and make stroking out faces and people would swear, literally 24/7 that it was having an epileptic seizure.... It would be morbidly terrifying, yet I'd love to see that....

- Does Roode give Storm the wrong directions to the gym?! Because Roode looks like a goddamn man mountain rock and Storm looks like someone got a pile of flesh colored play-do and put a goofy cowboy hat on it.... Come on Storm, your bitch tits are bigger than Samoa Joe and at least Joe has a built in excuse.... Samoans are known for their man tittays.... Step your game up Storm, because even 16 year old ring rats in airbrushed t-shirts have standards.... On the bright side, you now have bigger tits than someone in the Knockouts division.... Sarita....

Speaking of...

- Sarita = The Mexican Edge with a Vagina tonight... STEALING the win from Madison Rayne....

- The Guest Ref is obviously going to screw Matt Morgan out of the title at the PPV.... It doesn't matter who it is.... This is grossly obvious.

- I really like this Robbie E guy.... Somewhere Disco Inferno is clutching his stained wifebeater and falling to his knees on his shag carpeted living room floor, while screaming out ' WHY COULDN'T I COME INTO WRESTLING NOWWWWWWW?! ' while thrusting his fists towards the heavens in pure anguish....

- I can't stress enough how I don't buy The Pope as a main eventer and would someone please explain the pimped out medical mask he's wearing?! WTF is that supposed to be?! ' POPE......IS..........PIMPING...... And...... Saving you from his communicable disease ' ..... Jarrett has been pretty money is his newfound heel role and that vignette with the kids last week was one of the most entertaining things on Impact in a year....

Mike Tenay looks so angry all the time…. Why is that?! I think he has everyone fooled…. Everyone thinks he’s some nice old man who thinks he’s in the 1920’s Vaudeville Era, getting dressed up to go to a play…. However, I can see in that face, an angry, bitter man…. One that probably goes home after smiling at everyone and saving cats from certain perils in trees, slamming the door and walking around the house in a stained wife beater, boxers, sock suspenders, sipping on a glass of brandy and yelling at his wife ‘ I’m the fucking professor, and I’m professing if you don’t get me some goddamn food, I’m going to show your face the reason they call me ‘ IRON ‘ Mike Tenay, got that bitch woman?! ‘ ….. All while kicking his family dog and looking over at a caged naked and dirty, Tony Schiavone wearing a shock collar and a ball gag who is given the leftovers from whatever Tenay doesn’t eat to sustain him until the next day.....

He looks like he should be arm wrestling Wink Martindale for game show hosting duties instead of calling a wrestling match…. I can’t support this any longer. It’s driving me insane….

‘ Iron ‘ Mike Tenay…. ‘ Professor ‘ Mike Tenay…. Whatever you want to call him, I suggest calling him ‘ Unemployed’ Mike Tenay, that has a nice ring to it…. His little flipping out instances, yelling at Taz and yelling at certain performers, hint of a man with pent up aggression and a danger to not only himself but to others… See, my Tony Schiavone and Ol’ Ball and Chain Tenay references above…. Maybe it’s the fact he’s balding, because I’ve heard balding men go through a mid life crisis, where they get angry and defiant…. I wouldn’t know with my beautiful mane, but that’s the story I’ve heard on the streets…. Or maybe he’s just a man made up on the inside of pure evil, poured there from Satan's tea pitcher of evil juice…. I don’t know…. All I know is I’m tired of seeing his angry potato head face on TV every Thursday yelling about some bullshit and informing me the last time a Michinoku Death Nerve Eye Gouge was used in a ring on a Thursday, during Half Tide in a leap year at precisely 8:23:12 p.m. In the year of our lord A.D. ….. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

Which should be Dixie Carter's battle cry when she fires him….

‘ But Dixie, people love me, I’m their wrestling genius grandfather at the announce table, this is not a good business decision ‘

That’s she stands up, preferably not clad in any clothing

And Scream out…

NO ONE GIVES A FUCK

And that’s when I’ll peek my head around the corner and raise an eyebrow and go ‘ Did someone say something about a Fuck?! ‘

As security tackles me to the ground while I’m screaming out…. ‘ I’m still 45 feet away goddammit!!!! 45 FEET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘

- Great job TNA booking team.... Great Job making us all care about the AJ Styles Vs. Douglas Williams... With weeks and weeks of pure emotional buildup between the two, I cannot wait to see the conclusion to this mepic, drama filled storyline that could go down as one of the most heated rivalries in sports entertainment today.... oh.... wait....

The Bro Remembers The Fairgrounds.....

Jeff ‘ The Crippler ‘ Daniels – Probably one of the best, IF NOT, the best heel in this area…. I’ve always found him to be worth the price of admission, meaning that if he’s on the card, I really have no issue dropping money to see a show…. Which, can’t be said for a lot of the cards around here locally.

I always envision Jeff Daniels being frozen in Carbonite in some seedy , dingy livingroom with Bert Prentice walking around in a house robe with nothing on underneath, stroking some pet dog he’s holding while pacing back in forth in front of frozen Jeff Daniels muttering things like ‘ yessssssssssssss muhahahahahahaha ’ …. Why do I think this?! Because the dude doesn’t seem to age…. AT ALL…. He looks like the same guy I saw wrestle years ago…. It’s quite miraculous….

The Crippler has been a mainstay around Nashville for years, and honestly, we’ve all been kind of spoiled by just how good of a heel he actually is…. Plus, his mic work is some of the best, maybe, on the indy’s as a whole?!

The only negative thing I can say about Jeff Daniels is the fact that he has ‘ Macho Man Legs ‘ …. This was a phrase that was first uttered by my EX at the Stadium Inn, when she first saw him…. And, it was quite the astute observation…. From the waist down, the guys legs look just like Randy Savages…..

If you were hanging with Randy and Jeff and as they were leaving, you dropped something underneath a table, and bent down to pick it up, but then was hit on the top of the head with something knocking you unconscious…. You come to a few minutes later and see someone walking out of your house with the last of your personal possessions, wearing tights and a black hoodie covering up their torso and face, you’d be completely fucked in trying to determine which one of the two decided to jack your stuff while you were unconscious, on just leg identification only….

The Crippler also led to a HUGE fight between me and my Ex as well…. We were watching a show and The Crippler decides to do his infamous ‘ Invisible Chain ‘ move… Where he reaches into his tights, pulls out what appears to be a chain, although you never see it, and then hits his opponent, and quickly stashes the invisible chain back in his tights….

I think the conversation went something like this….

‘ Oh please, he’s acting, there’s no chain there! ‘ she exclaims

‘ whatever, dude got hit with something… you just don’t fall down like that!!! ‘ I say in rebuttal

‘ oh, how precious, he thinks wrestling is real still…. ‘ she says sarcastically as she pats my head

‘ It’s REAL, just SCRIPTED!!!!! ‘ I say as I raise my voice

‘ Whatever gets you through, I suppose…. ‘ she says with a smirk….

I hate smirks….

‘ Yeah, that’s why I masterbate after we have sex... you know, just to get through ‘ I say as I cross my arms across my chest, in a ‘ harrumph ‘ fashion….

‘ What?! ‘ she says aghast

‘ you heard me…. ‘ I say

‘ you’re ridiculous ‘ she retorts….

‘ what’s ridiculous is the fact JEFF DANIELS HAS BETTER LEGS THAN YOU!!!! ‘ I say in anger…..

‘ what?! ‘ she says as she leans over to look me in the eyes….

I see the hurt in her eyes, and the fact she would bite my peen off if given the chance, so I tried to smooth it over….

‘ I said Jeff Daniels likes Big League Chew….. You know… the gum…. It was on the internet…. I read it…. Hi! ‘ I say stumbling

‘ You clearly said Jeff Daniels, that dude in the ring, has better legs than me ‘ she says

‘ Well, you know, it’s apples to oranges, you know, if you think I said, that… WHICH, I did not! ‘ I say

‘ Yeah, he’s a guy, I’m a girl and you say that he has better legs than me?! That’s a HUGE putdown…. ‘ she says mad

‘ Oh, I don’t know about that, they’re silky and smooth and toned and tanned…. It’s somewhat of a compliment…. ‘ I say, not really thinking about the ramifications….

‘ Fuck YOU , you fucking queer! ‘ she said, and that was the last word on the matter…..

And, we never had sex again after that, so Jeff Daniels, you now owe me some vagina, I’m not extremely picky, as long as it meets the following criteria….

1. redhead or strawberry blonde

2. under 110 pounds

3. b-cup or better

4. no noticeable blemishes

5. non smoker

6. no communicable or sexually transmitted diseases

7. ages 20-25

8. makes over 85k a year

I’ll expect you to make this right, Jeff Daniels, in short time….. I mean, I totally queered out for your legs and lost squeesh in the process…..

Rick Santel – I remember when Santel was first getting his foothold here in the Nashville area as a babyface and how annoying his fans were…. I think Rick Santel, Shane Eden and James Storm should have to have a Steel Cage Elimination match, where they all wear the numerous airbrushed shirts of their adoring fans in layers and the only way to win is to strip every last shirt from their body….. That would be one EPIC long match…..

Seriously, I’ve never understood the ‘ I’m going to wear a Hanes Beefy T, with my favorite wrestlers name on it, with hearts, all airbrushed with glitter paint in the failed attempt to try to get them to see past my bulging fat rolls in this XXXL shirt, and see my inner beauty and white trash creativity!!!! ‘ movement….

But, my dear lord! Santel had a ton of these fans….

Seeing him now, compared to then, is like night and day….

He’s gone from the ‘ Elian Gonzalez being pulled from the closet ‘ look to the ‘ middle 20’s, younger version of Lo-Pan from ‘ Big Trouble in Little China ‘ ‘ look…. And he’s also gotten better as a wrestler too…

It has helped tremendously to have Paul Adams be in his corner too…. That guy is the last of a dying breed….

Please, stay Heel, Young Santel…..Never go back to the Chris Vaughn/Santel babyface combo…. The term ‘ babyface ‘ just doesn’t actually encompass how OVER they were as good guys…. I’d say it would be best described as ‘ uterusfaces ‘ , because they were more over than a baby could ever imagine….

That combination alone, accounted in over 4,567 eye rolls from me, back in the day as they took to the ring, high fiving retards and kissing fatties….

It was always fun to locate a Bert Prentice or Bob Ryder when ‘ Risky Business ‘ took to the ring…. They’d both have this look on their face like they were in off in another world, sharing the same daydream, where Bob, Bert, Rick and Chris were naked, all holding hands while ‘ Always Be My Baby ‘ by Mariah Carey was playing, giggling like schoolgirls while skipping through a sunflower field and chasing after a chocolate unicorn shitting out candy canes, that Bob and Bert would suck on seductively, while making suggestive winks and nods at Rick and Chris…..

I really missed out on making a small fortune back then, by making popsicles that resembled Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel and then setting up a stand outside Bob Ryder and Bert Prentice residences…. I could charge 80 dollars a pop, and they’d gladly pay it to suckle upon the tasty goodness of those popsicle embodiments of their boy toy fantasies

I mean, I’m not saying….. I’m just saying…..

Santel’s come a long way…. Like I said, Paul Adams has helped him out tremendously and should take some credit with molding him into being what he is today….

But, if Santel ever goes back to being a babyface, someone should pull the Billy Madison/Fat Kid maneuver on him….

Remember when the fat kid was like ‘ I can’t wait to get to high school ‘ and Billy grabbed his face and shook it violently as he says ‘ don’t you say that… don’t you ever say that ‘ …. That’s what should happen if Santel ever utters anything remotely close to ‘ I wanna be a babyface again ‘….

The Extreme Clown Posse – Back when I first started attending wrestling shows when I was a young teen, I was REALLY, REALLY into The Insane Clown Posse…. I never went the super gay route of painting my face like them, but I had tons of tshirts and went to all their concerts….

That being said, I saw this flyer advertising wrestling at a gym in Madison, and on the flyer was a tag team called ‘ The Extreme Clown Posse ‘ ….. I think I literally yelled out ‘ SOLD! ‘ and decided to go to the show with my cousin….

We get there and see that the show is being held in a gym…. But, not a massive, 24/7, gym…. No, this was a gym that would have been better called ‘ Excaliber Gym….. And Large Closet ‘ ….. It was small…. Dingy….But!!!! The Extreme Clown Posse was gonna be there, and if they were gonna be there, I was gonna be there, with my Faygo in tow and expecting to see some EXTREME CLOWN WRESTLING…..

After sitting through some crappy matches, the Extreme Clown Posse music hits, and we rise to our feet…. And then I’m let down….

When I was 8, my dad and mom went to a company Christmas party and they had gotten home around 3 a.m.....DRUNK ….. I wake up around 3 and decide to go to the bathroom…. I open my door to walk down the hallway, when I see a guy in a Santa costume standing with his back facing me down the hall….

I excitedly scream out ‘ SANTA!!!!! ‘

And my dad turns his head around and says ‘ what the helllllllll?! ‘ and I notice he had been pissing on the hallway floor and as he turns it start cascading down the walls….

I run off screaming and to this day, I’ve never let my dad live that moment down…. My mom insists it never happened….

But, I digress….

I expected to see Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope look alike guys in clown makeup wrestling, and I was extremely let down….

It was like my dad in a Santa Clause outfit – UNFAIR REPRESENTATION!!!!!

However, once they got in the ring, I forgot all about being let down and had fun with their match, because they did….

In fact, I remember them singing a song after their match with the overhead music, and they held the mic over my mouth as I sang along to whatever was playing….

Yes, I just got the seal of a mark stamped across my forehead with that admission

One little sidenote of that night….. And a story I tell to this day….

I used the bathroom at Excalibur Gym that night and I remember shaking my head and looking on in disgust at the toilet bowl, with no walls around it sitting out in plain view of other bathroom users, thinking to myself “ who uses that?! And where’s the toilet paper?!“ ….. Then I got this mental image of Bert Prentice sitting there, using it, flipping through the pages of ' gay wrestler ' monthly and looking at you, staring at him while he's yelling out ‘ can I get some privacy please!!!! THE NERVE! ‘ and giggled a little….

I quickly made my way to a urinal and was standing next to someone when I noticed they were looking over at me…. I was creeped out and slowly turned my head to face that person….. They then utter ‘ you know you’ll always have this moment to tell your friends about ‘ and I start nervously laughing, sweat beading up on my forehead, thinking about what was coming next, because I thought I was gonna get de brained from behind and then gay raped after that statement, because the guy saying it, was wearing a leather taxi cab drivers hat, and I knew only one kind of person wears those hats…. gay raping in public bathroom people..... - THOSE PEOPLE…..

His next words shocked me….

‘ you can always tell them you took a piss next to the WORLD FAMOUS Bat Poet ‘ ….

I was like ‘ what?! ‘ and he just walked out….

I then went home and quickly learned who the Bat Poet was….

So yeah, I took a piss next to the ‘ world famous ‘ Bat Poet ….. I wonder if that can get me laid with Lollipop?! That’s total street cred, right?!

I understand that ECP wasn’t necessarily a fairgrounds fixture, but Krull was, and they entertained me, so I’m putting them in here…. Yeah, I was let down, but they put on a good show with their antics in and out of the ring and sometimes, as a worker, it’s ok to be good at that stuff, if you’re not the best wrestler…. A lot of people could heed that advice….

thebro1869@yahoo.com

You're A Mark.... No, You're An Idiot!.. A Mark, I Say!.. Clearly, He's An Idiot!

No! Not That Mark, You Idiot....

I was listening to a podcast recently with Larry Goodman and Trent Van Drisse on it, when Trent brought up a point that I think holds A LOT of validity and should be examined…..

The point Trent made, which was glossed over and not really touched on, was the fact that wrestling fans, in general, are looked at as idiots and the scum of the earth, by both the general public and by the wrestlers who they support….

It’s truly the strangest phenomenon I’ve ever encountered….

I’ll just give you my personal experience, as I can only truly speak for what has happened to me, when it comes to being a wrestling fan….

Whenever I tell people that I’m a wrestling fan, in general conversation, they look at me like I just got through telling them that I sacrifice baby kittens to the Dark Lord himself and follow the Book of Beelzebub to the red letter of Ol' Scratch himself …..

And, trust me, that’s not an over exaggeration….

I have really close friends, that consistently make fun of me for my love of this sport/athletic event, that I love dearly…. I’m routinely referred to as an idiot, a moron, white trash, redneck and retarded…. And, usually they’ll wind up saying something like ‘ you do know it’s fake, right?! How can you support something that’s overly fake? ‘ …. To that, I just shake my head, find a paper from when The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and hand it to them going ‘ did you see THIS breaking news?! ‘ …..

I go to WWE PPV’s at Hooters, every month, when I’m not inclined to buy one, to watch it there and to enjoy the talent walking around and the beer… But, talking to Hooters waitresses, they despise those nights, because it brings out the sewer people and the people who crawl out from their shanties once a month to go indulge in some ‘ rasslin ‘ and ‘ good eatin ‘ …. I get their disdain, because these people generally will treat you like shit and then think they’re doing you a favor by leaving you a five dollar tip on a sixty dollar tab…. However, I’ve gone to Hooters on Sunday Nights sans Wrestling and it’s a ghost town…. Double Edged Sword….

But, it seems no matter where we, as wrestling fans, turn, we are looked on with disdain and contempt….

My friends, while being good people and smart, really miss the boat when it comes to why I love wrestling and their arguments are all weak and invalid…. I’ll break it down simply…

Their argument of ‘ it’s stupid, it’s fake, how can you support anything that’s fake!!!!!!!! ‘, just shows a general lack of knowledge and forethought….

I will give them the fact that wrestling is ‘ Scripted ‘ , not ‘ Fake ‘, but to a layman outside of the fandom, I can understand their mixup of terms…. However, the fact that they’re shocked and appalled by the fact that I’m entertained by something ‘ fake ‘ and that I can get behind something ‘ fake ‘ . is laughable….

Using their illogical argument, then they should never watch another TV show, read another book or go to the movies…..

They should furthermore never play another video game or board game, adore Pam Anderson’s tits or touch themselves to the thought of Jacob banging them as a Vampire Sparkling as he splooges all over you....

ATTENTION BRAINIACS!!!!!!!! Most of the things you enjoy for entertainment purposes are FAKE or SCRIPTED….. So, why judge me and others for enjoying another medium of the FAKE and SCRIPTED for entertainment purposes?!

Do you see this point?! Because, it’s pretty clear….

To close this point out, to show you the types of hypocrites and entertainment bigots I deal with when it comes to my love for wrestling, I’ll introduce a good friend of mine….

When I told her about my love for wrestling, she recoiled like I just told her I have to drink the blood of dolphins and unicorns to maintain my good looks….

‘ I can’t support that stuff at all, I just can’t do violence, fake or not ‘ …..

She then informs me later in the conversation she’s trying out for a spot on the Roller Derby team in town….

‘ Hello pot… kettle’s on line 2, say’s he wants to tell you something about being black ?! ‘

I hate that people who don’t follow wrestling just think it’s stupid event where two guys ‘ fake ‘ fight each other….

A LOT of smart people are involved in wrestling…. From the owners, to the writers, to the production staff, to the executives and talent…. And, for better or worse, The WWE hires established Hollywood writers to write their scripts and storyline arcs, with a lot of thought and hard work and countless hours discussing and putting together storylines and their development and outcome… It’s just not them going “ here, you hate this dude, he hates you, fight or something! “ …..

Please, if you have friends in this category, try to make them see the light…. It’s hard…. But, it’s simple at the same time, for anyone with any decent amount of brain power to realize….

Now... Moving On....

Then we have the wrestlers aspect of it all….

They look at the fans as mindless and clueless rubes who should count their blessings to be graced by their presence in the ring….

They call us ‘ marks ‘ or ‘ smarks ‘ , derogatory terms, meant to belittle us as fans….

And it just makes me chuckle…. Because, without us ‘ rubes ‘ or ‘ marks ‘ , there wouldn’t be an arena for you to show up to, to put on a match…. Without us, you wouldn’t have the little envelopes that get handed to you after a show…. Without us, you’d have no profession…. Without us, you’d have no one to feed your ego and make you feel better about yourself…. Without us, you wouldn’t get that feeling of being in a ring and craving that feeling every week….

As much as you go through in the ring and the damage and pain you put your body through, what we as fans go through, could never compare…. However, the next time you just throw a blanket generalization over us all as a group, understand, there’s a lot of us that love this form of sports entertainment and choose it as our medium to escape into, away from real life… And, try to understand that not only do we take a lot of shit from the people we look up to and pay money to see, but we take ten times that amount of shit, from the outside world, supporting the sport we love….

It would be real easy for us all to be like ‘ you’re right, following this sport is childish and immature and it’s all fake and retarded ‘ , but we don’t… We keep following it, loving it and whether it’s good or bad, we talk about it…. And, with the way the industry is going, you need to do everything in your power to keep us and cultivate us and try to get us to multiply….

Just yesterday on Facebook alone, there were several different posts by a close friend of mine, with pictures of me at Hooters during ‘ Survivor Series ‘ , comments between him and others about what a ‘ redneck ‘ and what ‘ white trash ‘ I, and others, were for watching the PPV….

It got to me, I’ll admit…. Because, we, as fans, take it from both ends.... The general public sticks it in our mouth and the Wrestlers stick it up our asses.....

And, I guess what gets to me the most is that, yes….. There are a ton of the stereotypical and oft ridiculed portion of the Wrestling fans that come out and watch Wrestling…. But, at the same time, I know a lot of people who love Wrestling that are smart, well spoken, college educated and normal, functioning and thriving members of society….

I will continue to support wrestling, no matter how much I sound like a battered and abused housewife…. It’s what I love and have always loved…. I can’t help that…. Just as a wrestler has, what they describe, as a sickness, for wrestling…. I, and others, have a sickness for it as well…. No matter how bad the wrestling industry and the people involved in it treat us, we come back…. No matter how I’m regarded as a ‘ simpleton ‘ or ‘ white trash ‘ or ‘ redneck ‘ among friends, because I love wrestling, I come back….

And, I’m coming back, with this…. I hope this made some sense, considering it’s 1 a.m. and I’ve had about 8 blue moons….

- love me, hate me, wanna make babies with me? Email me…. Thebro1869@yahoo.com

Questions From The Sack....

Questions from my sack...... My Mailsack, you perverts!!!!

“ Bro, why do you feel the need to belittle preformers who put there body on the line for your enjoyment? You’ve done this for years. I find it rediculous frankly considering youve never stepped foot in a ring so you have absolutely no idea what your talking about. like most internet hack writers “

Jimmy , KY

- Oh James…. Oh Jambles…. Oh Jimbo….. Thanks for the email, because this is a subject that I can talk about for hours on end…. Why? Because, it’s absolutely the most ridiculous argument about internet wrestling bloggers that I routinely hear…. “ you haven’t stepped foot in a ring, so you can’t make a comment on a match “

…..

So, it’s that easy? All I gotta do is step ONE foot in a ring, and then pull it out and I’m immediately a wrestling reviewing genius? Not even TWO feet? Just one? Sounds like a sweet deal, sign me up…. I wonder if I put two feet in, if I become the Harry Potter of Wrestling Internet Reviewers, blessed with magical powers?! Plus, what ring should I step ONE foot into or does it matter? If I step ONE SINGULAR foot in a WWE ring, does that make me more knowledgeable than if I step ONE SINGULAR foot into a back alley indy ring located in an old warehouse?!

Does this also mean that wrestlers can’t tell me I’m a horrible writer because they’ve never written a blog? Does that mean wrestlers like every movie they’ve seen and never complain about them, because they’ve never directed one? Does that make wrestlers like every piece of food that they eat, because they didn’t work at that restaurant and cook the food previously?!

No…. It means they have an opinion of what they like and don’t like…. You know, like every other friggin' human being on the face of the planet….

And let’s face it, I’m hardly the guy to rip a match, outside of it either being boring or just stupid…. I like to rip other things…. I don’t do ratings of matches, I leave that to others. I tried it once and it just felt so gay going ‘ this match was a 4 star classic ‘ …. Exactly where are these stars I’m awarding? Are they gold or silver or bronze? Are they glittery?

See how gay it is?!

Plus, judging from your horrible grammatical errors in your question, I’m assuming you’ve never really written anything more productive than a grocery list, so who are you to criticize me, you know, considering you’ve never stepped foot inside a keyboard….. Oh wait…. That’s a ridiculous argument….. Just like the one about ‘ you can’t say shit until you step foot in a ring “

“ where did you go? You just stopped blogging for years and then you come back guns blazing not ever missing a beat. What gives “

H.J. – TN

- Eh, you guys took me for granted…. You didn’t know you had greatness in front of you and I decided to teach you all a lesson….. CHERISH ROYALTY WHEN IT’S IN YOUR PRESENCE!!!!!

I kid, I kid….

Toward the end of my TNA days, I had gotten way too close to the inner workings of the wrestling business and honestly, it just completely bummed me out, practically ruined me on wrestling as a whole and I had to take a sabbatical…. As I’m sure you know, wrestling is a seedy, seedy business….

I liken what happened to me in wrestling, as to being a young kid and waking up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water…. You walk down the hallway and you pass your parents door…. You stare at it, it’s midnight and there’s weird sounds emanating from the room and you’re curious…. You love your parents and it sounds like there’s a zoo in their room, with grunts, snorts and wild chimpanzee-like yelling…. You get your water and you’re drinking it thinking ‘ wow, it must be magical in that room, it sounds like a zoo, I bet there’s all kinds of cool animals in there ‘ , so you put the glass in the sink, go marching down the hallway, smiling ear to ear, and slam open the door, expecting to see your parents with a bunch of animals…. Because, in a kids mind, that could happen….. But instead, you see your parents banging and you’re mortified…. You scream, slam the door shut and go run to your room, dash into bed, crying with tears streaming down your face…..

And then you never look at your parents the same again….

Such as my time pulling the curtain back on wrestling…..

I got too close. I started hanging out with someone who worked in the offices and there was friction between me and someone on the roster and at the same time, I had family issues going on, so it was for the best that I walked away….

Like the old saying goes ‘ be careful what you wish for ‘ …. I had always wanted to be on the ‘ other side ‘ and when I did, it wasn’t the magical land of chocolate reindeer and skittle bunnies hopping about on a rainbow or milk and honey….

The positive thing is I’m back… you know, positive for the people who like me…. Not so positive, for those who don’t… It’s definitely positive for your mom and girlfriend and/or wife. I’d suggest buying a lot of chastity belts. You know… Moths to a flame… Bert to a Buck…. Storm to a Rat… I’m irresistible like that…. Ha

“ Why do you and Prentice hate each other so much for? “

Tammy – GA

Tammy…. I don’t hate Prentice, and I’m pretty sure he has no feeling of hatred towards me…. Actually, the last part of that statement is probably untrue, but I digress….

Bert’s a character…. He’s ingrained in the Nashville Wrestling subconscious and if someone broke into my house and held a gun to my head and told me ‘ we pull the trigger….But, you can save yourself by sucking our peens or saying something nice about Bert Prentice, the decision is yours “ Then I’d quickly say ‘ got any chapstick? My lips are cracked! ‘ – Kidding…. I’ll gladly say something nice, such as …..

Give me a second…..

Oh!

Bert never met a dollar he didn’t like…..

Bert is like the Nashville wrestling version of a cockroach…. He will be here long after we’re all gone, still running shows, selling raffle tickets for a WCW Sting figure in a package that looks like he’s been sleeping on it since he was 5….. And there will be more mouthbreathers coming along to pay a dollar for a ticket for a VHS copy of ‘ Summerslam ’88 Greatest Hits ‘ …..

I have no personal beef with Prentice really…. He’s tried to strongarm me several times in the past and tried to exert his power, but I just laughed and shrugged it off…. He’s harmless. I’ve just been told story after story about how gay he is and how he used to be notorious for conveniently leaving before the end of the show without handing out envelopes or handing out envelopes with those pesky invisible dollars inside them…..

I’ve looked at Bert Prentice as like Tony Soprano’s retarded borther…. He was never good enough to get in the family business with Tony, so he decided to go into a business, not unlike, the mafia…. And, he’s made a name for himself here and he’s obviously been successful in it, for as long as he’s done that and I guess that deserves to be commended, because there’s been many promoters to come in and never have the success of Prentice…. Of course, this goes back to the mafia angle, with Bert singlehandedly trying to run all his competition out of town with betrayal and espionage…..

“ one of my favorite moments at the asylum during tna days was watching mr perfect go off on you. It was bad for you, but hilarious. “

Tbag – TN

Yeah, that was just completely weird and random. I still don’t know the backstory to it, because sadly he died a week later…. I had loved him in his WWF run, but after that never really dug him in WCW and when word broke he was coming to TNA, I wrote a scathing article about TNA bringing in more has-beens and being WCW-lite….

So, during his match, I noticed him keep looking my way, but never though anything of it…. Once it was over, he comes walking by and the one clear thing I can remember in his shouting to me was ‘ you’re whats wrong with wrestling! “ …..

I was caught off guard and just laughed during it, because how do you respond to that….

“ I’m what’s wrong with wrestling “ ….. Just say that and think to yourself how that makes any sense….

I ran and now run a blog…. I have no control over anything wrestling related… I just like to entertain wrestling fans and write…. I’ve always found it funny that wrestlers get their feeling so upset over what someone writes about them on the internet. To be as rough and tough as they claim to be, they sure get hurt by typed words…. I’ve had bad stuff written and said about me and I personally have no problem with it, but wrestlers tend to scurry off and cry about it…. I don’t get it…. Obviously their opponents could learn a lesson and instead of trying to fight them, just bring a laptop to the ring, go to blogger.com, open up a site called ‘ www.myopponentsucksmadpenis.blogspot.com ‘ and then start entering in hateful words and make fun of them, and boom! Instant 3 count….

I respect what all wrestlers do…. Doesn’t mean I have to like each and every one of them or say nice things to them…. But, I will tell you this, if someone was attacking James Storm and calling him a fraud and a phony because he’s a wrestler and participates in scripted matches, I would join Storm by his side and defend him…. No joke…. My family was ‘ in the business ‘ and I don’t see how you could NOT respect the pain and suffering they go through to entertain us…. However, I have opinions, I have likes and dislikes, and I’m going to voice them when it comes to wrestling… You know, despite not stepping ONE SINGULAR foot into a ring….. ;)

“ rumors circulated while you were running your old blog that you banged lollipop, a wookie, Athena, goldilocks, a couple of local valets and a girl in the top levels of TNA management. Any truth to these? “

Dave – TN

Sorry, I’m still laughing…. I’ll tell you why…. Just read this question again and think to yourself…. ‘ How crazy is wrestling? ‘ … Only in wrestling could someone ever be asked ‘ did you bang lollipop, a wookie, Athena and goldilocks ‘ …. That just sounds funny out of context….

Anyways, I’ll address these one by one….

Lollipop – I wish…. By far, the hottest girl in TNA…. Maybe history of TNA?! It’s close with her and Dixie…. However, there is no truth to that rumor…. She’s gorgeous and sexy as fuggggg, and my peen would retire into the hall of fame if that ever were to happen, but sadly, no….

A Wookie – Whoa…. That story caused me soooo many problems…. But no….. No truth to that…. I mean, there’s truth to it, but not to the levels of debauchery that have surfaced …. Thankfully, the next girl saved me from it…..

Athena – Absolutely not…. I was friends with her… that’s all and my penis owes her a debt of gratitude and would gladly give her a plaque to hang on her wall for showing bravery and courage under fire by saving it from certain doom…. She’s a good person and the wrestling world could use more like her…. But the rumor is completely untrue….

Goldilocks – I don’t even know where this came from!? I honestly had to search my databank of hot girls to come up with a goldilocks….

Top level TNA Management Girl – You know…. You can ask her, I suppose, but she’s no longer involved with the product, so that’s probably impossible…. * wink *

And in closing…. I encourage others to send me emails, and I’ll answer them on this blog, maybe twice a month…… Just send all your questions here – thebro1869@yahoo.com