Raw Review : 1/10/2011

The opening segment was dead. I love Nexus, have loved it since day one…. I also love Punk…. But the beatdown of Michael McPERFECTcutty was, as a texter said, was - ‘ painful to watch ‘ - because the crowd had no idea how to react…. They’ve given us absolutely no reason to care for McPERFECTcutty, so if he gets blasted in the ring by Nexus, why do we care?! Are we supposed to boo Punk, because he’s ordering the beatdown of another ‘ basically nameless ‘ heel?! Are we supposed to feel sympathy for McPERFECTcutty despite the fact he’s been a willing participate in the Nexus beatdowns of faces?!

I liked the segment, don’t get me wrong… This is more just an indictment on the creative side of things. The basic wrestling fan wants reasons to hate or love someone, otherwise they will give you the reaction they gave last night….

CUE UP THECRICKETS!!!!!

I did, however, love the carrying of McPERFECTcutty from the ring like he was some religious martyr being carried out by his followers….

The John Morrison non-reaction was surprising to me…. The guy has been as over as Chickenhat at a specialty retail store that only sells refurbished 1990-era stonewashed denim parachute pants…. But, the reaction last night he got, was akin to Dyanna Dawnn taking to the stage at a local area Ihop…. People just looking confused…. A few complementary claps and a lot of ‘ who the holy fuck is this?! ‘ ….

And this was a real head scratcher for me…. Which, by the way is a term I use also when a girl gives you head while using her teeth, you can steal that from me, just pay me some royalties…. Anyways, the non reaction left me confused…. I’m no SUPER JOHN MORRISON MEGA MARK, but lately I’ve enjoyed his matches tremendously and the match with The Miz last week on Raw, was worthy of a standing ovation this week, bu the Nashville fans weren’t having it…. Something about Nashville wrestling fans and pretty boy wrestlers that has never really quite clicked….

Speaking of the Bedazzled Furry One, I’m really upset at the lack of attention shown to Sheamus…. Especially in their feud…. Granted, Morrison deserves a lot of credit for these matches, but Sheamus is working like - Sylvester Stallone turning his hat around backwards and doing the thumb maneuver in an arm wrestling match – OVER THE TOP….. These matches have been intense and very entertaining to watch, but sheamus isn’t getting the credit he deserves….

THE MAN’S A KING, PEOPLE!!!!!!

Sheamus is Han Solo to Morrison’s, Luke….. Sheamus is Chunk to Morrison’s, Mikey…. Sheamus is ‘ Iron Eagle ‘ to Morrison’s, ‘ Top Gun ‘ …. The thing that never got the significant amount of attention it deserved due to the overwhelming fan support for the latter….

And, it’s a shame…. A real big low down, dirty, shitty, shame….

How R-Truth is over as a wrestler is the one thing that leaves me scratching my head…. The crowd went nuts for this guy…. And…. He wears airbrushed jeans…. How can you cheer for a man that has that lousy of a taste in fashion?!

CM Punk should have used him for an example of the fans gullible tendency…. I can hear it now….

Whomp Whomp Whoooo Whoooo Whomp Whomp ( that was my time traveling sounds to envision my scenario )

R-Truth gets done coming down to the ring singing his musical masterpiece ‘ What’s Up ‘ , when CM Punk’s music hits… He stand on stage as he brings the microphone to his lips….

‘ What’s up?! ‘ ….. The fans immediately chant back

‘ This seems to be a popular catchphrase around here……. What’s Up?! ‘ …. The fans chant again….

“ Cute….. So very cute…. ‘

‘ Let’s play a little game, shall we….. Called ‘ What’s not up?! ‘ …..

‘ What’s not up…. Well, let’s start with the obvious…. The combined I.Q. of the man standing in the ring, multiplied by you… the people in anttendance tonight…. That, ladies and gentleman is ‘ What’s not up ‘ ‘ ….

‘ What else is not up….?! ….. Oh, I got it…. I got it!!!!!! The price of airbrushed denim at your local flea market booth….. But… let’s face it, it’s still ‘ what’s up ‘ to you guys, because you can’t afford the 5 dollar price tag on a pair of jeans that was popular when Michael Cole was a breakdancer ‘ …..

‘ Ok, Ok….. One last thing that is not up….. Hmmmmm, I’m a little perplexed here…. Let me think… Let me think….. Oh! What’s not up is this…. The button’s on R-Truth’s shirt…. Truth, let me ask you a question… Do you intentionally come out every week with your shirt unbuttoned or… Are you like these fans, and just too stupid to even have an inklin as to how to button a shirt?!... With the look of confusion on your face, I’ll go with the latter…. ‘

‘ Ladies and gentleman, I’ve just given you a few examples of ‘ WHAT’S NOT UP ‘ ‘ ….. ‘ Now, Let me give you an example of what is, indeed, Up…. What is up is the gullible, sheep like state of attraction to things of a simple nature with a flashy shine to them, that you, as a simple minded group of lemmings choose to like…. Why do you like R-Truth?! Is it because he can rhyme words together with a beat?! I mean, I can get a beatboxing maniac out here right now and read Dr. Seuss to you, will you applaud me then?! Or, can I wear a bunch of shiny jewelry and airbrush ‘ CM Punk ‘ on my tights in bubble letters and dance around while mumbling some unintelligible jibber jabber on a mic…. Will you applaud me then?! You see, something is UP with me…. My patience for a below average wrestler who rhymes a bunch of words together, dresses like a manchild, and dances around like he’s an epileptic watching a flashing screen of colors…. That’s what’s up…. As well as this ham and eggers, 15 minutes…. ‘

Then the ensuing beat down takes place, but hopefully that little seed of ‘ why the fuck are we cheering for airbrushed andy?! ‘ is planted and sprouts over a few weeks and people wake up…

Eh, a boy can dream , right?!

I absolutely adore the Mexican JBL…… Alberto Del Rio is one of those RARE wrestlers that come along, who has everything…. He has presence, charisma, mic skills and can wrestle on top of it…. It’s nice to see him getting the Star treatment lately….

The man has a smile that just breeds hatred in people after he defeats your favorite superstar…. It basically says ‘ what?! you thought I was gonna lose? You silly, silly person, you ‘ …..

Add to the mix a ring announcer that doubles as a heel manager and you have instant awesomeness…. It’s a foregone conclusion that 2011 will see Alberto Del Rio holding the big Gold belt at some point and probably for some time…. The best thing about him, is his facial expressions… The man can tell a story with his face, which is a lost artform nowadays…. Just watch a match a pick up on his winks and nods and smiles…. The dude is a natural born entertainer…. Those painful promos are a thing of the past and in one of the rare occasions, they actually paid off….

My cousin, literally feel asleep next to me during the Daniel Bryan mixed tag match…. I’m not even joking…. But, I blame this on Tyson Kidd…. I just don’t get it. You break up a tag team with one big guy and one little guy, and you decide ‘ hmmm, out of these two, I’m gonna make the little guy the heel and give him intimidating entrance music ‘ ….. Yeah, that sounds logical…. I wanted to take a picture of my cousin’s sleeping face, slap it on a tshirt with ‘ Tyson Kidd ‘ written above the picture and sell those babies online…. It’s the perfect encapsulation of Tyson Kidd and Ted Dibiase for that matter…. A dude’s face in deep slumber….

My daughter has a thing where she calls ‘ Ted Dibiase ‘ - ‘ Ted Dibiase-dy ‘ …. I have no idea why and when I correct her, she literally scolds me ‘ why does it matter, he’s no good anyways ‘ …. Pretty astute comment coming from a 8 year old girl….

My cousin literally did jump our of his seat when The Big Show’s music hit…. I let him sleep until he came out, then BOOM! Up he arose….. I find Big Show to be boring…. Unless you’re counting how many teeth he has in his mouth, then you can be intrigued with him for hours…. 425 teeth, at last count…. Plus, he’s gotten even MORE lazier than in the past…. But, it was nice to see him resurrect a Choke Slam….

A guy that big with that much athletic ability, I have to really look back on his career and just shake my head… He could have been ten times as big of a star than what he has achieved, but it just seemed like he didn’t have the drive for it…. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just my two cents…. And hey, I’m entitled to that, as the kids forced me to buy ‘ Knucklehead ‘ and sit through that two hour lobotomy session….

Big Show was immensely over with the Nashville crowd…. Which, didn’t surprise me in the least…. I think we all know why….

Segment of the Night – Obviously it was AITCHBEEEEEKAY appearing…. Totally caught me off guard…. I thought the first inductee would be someone NOT earth shattering, like Arn Anderson or Lex Luger…. But, this was pretty amazing…. The reaction he got was INSANE…. Imagined icy hot on your balls, while walking over hot coals, then tripping and landing nut first on the hot coals…. That’s how hot the crowd was for it….

I used to have a drinking game with a buddy of mine, that moved to LA a few years ago…. Whenever AITCHBEEKAY hit the screen ,if his wandering eye shifted or was unfocused, compared to his good eye, you took a shot…. I was thinking about that last night and thinking about how he would have probably, and this is no exaggeration, screamed like a schoolgirl for 15 minutes straight when the his music hit…. He was A HUGE HBK fan…..

The only thing wrong about this segment was placement…. If only they had started the show off with this, it would have fired up the crowd, as they were intense the rest of the night…. The opening segment completely baffled everyone and sucked the life from the crowd… If they had saved that until midway and put HBK on first, it would have been an off the charts crowd….

I had, nothing short of 6 text messages simultaneously telling me that ChickenHat made it on TV bowing to HBK as he made his way to the ring…. Here’s the video….

Check him out around the 1:20 mark

This further adds that he has to be rich, as speculated many times…. This guy always has front row seats and each time I see him at a WWE live event, he walks out with a bag full of merchandise he just bought…. So, maybe ChickenHat is really just playing us all as fools…. Maybe he’s not the mongoloid retard we all think he is… Maybe he’s a wrestling mastermind and Bert and Porter and Falk and Reno are all like his robots, sent out to do his wrestling bidding on a weekly basis…. Like Plankton from Spongebob?! Hey man, I like to believe this theory than a man worth hundreds of thousands of dollars living in a mudhut, sleeping in shitty drawers who takes public transportation to wrestling shows and is mentally challenged…. It’s much better my way….

The way he’s bowing to HBK in that video, makes me long for someone with more nerdy computer genius microbes, than me running around in their brain, to take him bowing like that over and over, put palm leaves in each hand and have him fanning The Goddess Athena, his favorite Nashville Wrestling Diva…. That would be pure gold….

The main event was decent…. But, we’ve seen this a million times…. I honestly don’t have any idea how they’re going to make The Miz vs. Orton compelling at Rumble, considering it will be the 4,789^th time these two have gone at it with each other…. Or so it seems….

Orton being a face this long, is wearing me out. He’s not cut out to be a face, sure the fans love him, but the support is slowly dying off. He didn’t get near the reaction he got in July when his music hit…. He’s just a better bad guy…. Everything about him screams HEEL…. I just don’t see why, on a show, loaded with faces, he has to be another one…. And, sadly, the blandest of them all…. And, furthermore, it’s amazing to me he is a FACE….. This was a dude that treated legacy like shit, and then when Legacy grows some balls and stands up to him, the fans don’t cheer them, but in turn, cheer Orton…. That’s always confused me….

Anyways, it’s obvious WWE is putting a lot of eggs in Riley’s basket…. He’s still green ,but shows a lot of potential…. I just don’t want him to be stuck as Miz Jr, which is what it seems he will be…. You can play a snarky, sarcastic and douchebag heel, without completely being The Miz…..

I’ll never get why Morrison isn’t getting another shot at the belt at Rumble, and this is coming from a guy who could care less about Jomo…. But, that match vs. Orton and Miz is like being asked is you want a Stella Artois or a Miller Lite….. Hello?!

All in all, it was an okay show…. If AITCHBEEEEKAY hadn’t of stopped by, it would have been pretty mediocre…. That saved the entire show…. Sweet Chin Music was fantastic….. I’ll never understand the people that immediately leave when Raw ends…. Especially when, during a commercial break, Cena literally said, he was fighting Punk later tonight…. My cousin was a little mysitified about why Punk didn’t jump off the Tron…. I’m pretty sure that was the Owen factor in play… It would have been tremendously more over, had he jumped, and then safely landed with the help of a harness, but I understand why they didn’t do that….

But, do not ever underestimate the WWE’s ability to put on a show…. You have to see it live, if you can….. People still turn up, in a pretty good number, especially given the weather, to see this…. The business has taken a hit recently, but WWE is still pulling in the fans….. For those that want to talk about WWE’s downfall and how their dying, I laugh in your face. It’s not happening…. For those yelling about wanting the attitude back, I just say be patient…. WWE, and wrestling in general, is cyclical and it always reinvents itself…. Right now, the WWE is cultivating a whole new fanbase of kids, like when we were kids and it was PG….. And we grew up and the product changed…. I can see this happening now…. They’re reeling in the kid crowd, who will stick with them, those kids will grow up and the attitude will come back…. Just give it some time….

I actually enjoy both shows…. I love the attitude era, but the PG era has been some pretty good TV, considering their limitations…. Even through all of WWE’s screwups and questionable booking, they are still heads, shoulders, balls, thighs and knees above TNA’s product….

They’re not even in the same league…. WWE is like the Yankees and TNA is like the little league team sponsored by Joe Willie Junior’s Bar B Que joint….. And that’s ok, they both offer different things…. I would say to TNA once thing…. If you ever want to compete with WWE, you have to…. HAVE TO, become more consistent with your booking and your storylines….

I did see where Cena today, said he was fined for saying ‘ ass ‘ ,last night during his video segment with Punk…. I have to laugh at this, because in his entrance music, which has played for years and continues to play to this day, he clearly says ‘ ass ‘ in it….. Also, Mark Henry’s entrance music…. Yep, it’s in there too…. So, really….. Who cares?!

Anyways, I’m out….

Emails are always welcome…. Especially those by hot pieces of vag

Thebro1869@yahoo.com